I Rant...Therefore, I Am: Godzilla: Steady as Always

I Rant...Therefore, I Am: Godzilla: Steady as Always
http://ryanosblahg.blogspot.com

The New Year and Beyond

On the cusp of a New Year, with all that has transpired over the past 12 months, I offer up my gifts to those woe-begone souls who long for something more.


To all of you who gave me material of some sort to use on my site: Thank you. I never quote anyone directly, so technically I am doing no wrong. Some of you may be upset because I tend to twist words to fit my needs. Sorry, it just makes things more entertaining...at least for me, anyway.


Sam Harbaugh: I have to credit Sam for the "Broke-Back Mountain" quote from the "Dallas Sucks" article. I wouldn't have thought of that. But the gay-cowboy reference was too good to pass up. Thanks, Samwell.

To all you Cowboy and Giant fans: Some band-aids and neosporin for your boo-boos and a nice comfy seat on the couch to watch the Super-Bowl. I think I'll be in Detroit...pray for me.


You Penguin Fans (and anyone else who can't stop worshipping Sidney Crosby) : Alex Ovechkin is better. Sorry. Caps fans got the best gift this year in hockey. Not to say Crosby isn't destined for greatness. He may very well be. But, he is no Big "O". In all honesty, I hope that the city of Pittsburgh gets that new arena for your Pens. It would be a crime to not have them playing in Pittsburgh for years to come. And that's coming from a Caps' fan.



Eagle Fans: A same-day cure for a sports-hernia; a wide-out who plays more than he runs his mouth; a running back who can last a whole season; a fan base that doesn't turn on you at a moments notice with tales of impending doom; and Santa Claus--expert in the art of jujitzu-- with a battery-resistant helmet.


To you great fans in Miami: An NBA title that proves Shaq can do it without Kobe, and to prove Kobe isn't Michael Jordan. I don't care how many points Kobe scores in a game...Jordan, Duncan, Magic and Bird all played within the parameters of a team...and the team won. Phil Jackson, what are you thinking?

Washington Nationals Fans: A ratified lease-agreement with Major League Baseball; an owner who is willing to spend some cash to add vital pieces to a solid club; and a shiny new stadium by 2008, complete with a rotunda like the old Ebbets Field.

Washington DC Residents: A city council that realizes the financial windfall of reversing urban blight and building a new economic district to increase the tax base, creating more money to upgrade schools and the infrastructure. (See MCI Center and surrounding neighborhoods.)



Rafael Palmeiro: the ability to tell the truth to the fans who supported you for two decades and the desire to come clean. If you had done these simple things, like Jason Giambi did, then we would all be celebrating your Hall-of Fame induction. Obviously, not anymore.


Yankee Fans: A payroll under $200 million that actually yields a World Series winner. Come on, you have to admit that all those prospects you traded away had to help someone else more than spending too much for players were in a contract year. Money doesn't buy you a world title... just ask the New York Rangers or Dan Snyder.



Playoffs?!

I have to admit, I was extremely nervous last Saturday when Patrick Ramsey entered the game at quarterback for the Redskins. All I could think about was the game last year when Mark Brunell went down and Ramsey threw a boat-load of interceptions and the Skins got crushed. Ramsey did little to quell the anxiety when he called two quick timeouts last Saturday in about 4 downs. I couldn't watch. I happened to be in the bathroom when he hit Santana Moss for an acrobatic 72 yard touchdown that kept the Redskins rolling on their way to a 35-20 victory over the Giants. Isn't Patrick the shit?!

This is it, Redskin Fans! If the Skins beat the Eagles, they will make the playoffs. Come on, Joe Gibbs hasn't lost it! Before his return last season, Gibbs' teams missed the post season only 4 out of 12 seasons. That was before the expanded wildcard. And his second year in the league, the Redskins won it all, with a team very similiar to this one: Veteran QB, solid running game, great O-line and a disciplined defense.

This years team has risen to the occassion the past 4 weeks and shown it can beat the crap out of anyone. And with Ramsey's solid play last weekend against the Giants, there obviously is some depth on this team. I don't want to get into why I think this year is a repeat of the '82 season... not yet, anyway. I have my doubts and will keep them to myself. But, should things go right for the Burgundy and Gold in the next 3-4 weeks... I may reveal the details of my prophecy. I have a lot to say about destiny and how history repeats itself, but I can not do this now. Either I watch my Skins make a run or sit with those Cowboy and Giant Fans on the couch and watch some one else win it all in the Super Bowl... I'd rather root for the Flyers.

The Big "O" Update (Legal Version)

In case you haven't been following the legal minefield the Caps have been navigating this fall and early winter, here it is in a nutshell:

1.) After owning the rights to Czech Star Peter Sykora for the past 3 years--not the Peter Sykora who plays for the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, but the one in the Czech League--the Caps finally got him here for training camp and the start of the regular season. After two weeks and a few goals, the Caps sent Sykora back to Europe because his heart wasn't in it and he reportedly was on his cell-phone with his mom when he wasn't skating a shift. The Caps threatened to go to court to get this guy to honor his contract. He relented and came west. His heart wasn't in it and the Caps sent him back to the Czech Republic. Looks like it worked out well for both parties.

2.) Alexander Semin, former first round pick and Russian Phenom, told the Caps for the past two years he could not play for them because he had a military obligation to fulfill in his home country of Russia. Semin has loads of talent, but hasn't signed up to serve for the Russian military since the Caps started the season. He is playing for some Russian League team and the Caps are pursuing the matter in court to try and get Semin to honor his contract. The case is pending...the Caps should remember what happened with their Peter and leave their Semin in Russia.

3.) To top all this off, Moscow Dynamo--a member of the Russian Super League--has claimed ownership of Caps star and Calder Trophy candidate Alexander Ovechkin. Dynamo claims it matched the offer Ovechkin signed with Avangard Omsk after Ovechkin helped Dynamo win the championship last April. However, Dynamo admits to not matching the clause in the contract that allowed the Big O to leave Russia if the NHL lockout ended and the NHL resumed operation. It has been said that Moscow Dynamo doesn't want Ovechkin back, they just want cash, although Moscow Dynamo insist they do not. The ruling is still pending. I'm no lawyer--paging Mike Chase--but if Moscow Dynamo didn't match a clause in the contract Ovechkin signed with Avangard Omsk, than how could they say they matched the offer? Please, tell me how that works out legally! A.O.'s day in court is coming, and I have a feeling that he will be staying here in Washington. Since the Caps' seem to be the only team with this trouble 3 times over, is there any hope on the horizon? Since they seem destined to lose the first two cases, the third time's the charm, right?

By the way, Ovechkin has 22 goals to lead all rookies, has 10 powerplay goals to lead all rookies and has 42 points to lead all rookies--even more than Sidney Crosby! At his current pace, the Big "O" could score 52 goals and finish with 92 points this season. He plays defense, he hits people, and has won more games for his team than any other rookie this season. Not bad, huh?

You know who the Caps remind me of? The 2003-04 Atlanta Thrashers. When Ilya Kolachuk first played with Atlanta, he scored a lot but the team sucked. The next year, Atlanta was better and added some depth around their super-star. Sounds familiar, don't you think? Its about time the Caps got a great player after 31 years of futility... someone that might be the first building block to Lord Stanley's Cup. Although, Hockey and Boobie Night will live on no matter what, it would be nice to see a great team light the lamp. Can I get a Yeah-yeah!? I'm white, I can't help it. I'm writing about hockey, for christsake!

Quote of the week:

"Try getting drunk four nights a week and going to pitch nine innings. That's an athlete to me."

--David Cone talking to Dan Patrick for ESPN the Magazine

Godzilla: Steady as Always

Being a Capitals fan is a lesson in futility, at least so far. I grew up in DC and I love my Caps. I've seen good and bad. But since 1998, when the Caps advanced to the Stanley Cup Finals, there has been one constant for us Cap fans to enjoy...and that is the play of Olie Kolzig. Without him, we wouldn't have won the Eastern Conference in '98. We wouldn't have 10 wins this year...A rebuilding year, might I add...if Godzilla wasn't between the pipes.

The Caps traded all of their top players as the 2002-04 season wound down, but hey kept Olie. Most experts gave the Caps crap for that, but I think they were smart. They traded Jaromir Jagr, Robert Lang, Sergei Gonchar, Mike Grier and Peter Bondra for great young talent. That young talent had the chance to get to know each other and play together during the lockout while playing together in the minor leagues. It's a long term plan, but one that so far might pay dividends sooner than expected. What might make the growth of the Caps happen more rapidly is the play of Olie The Goalie.

The Caps Drafted Kolzig in 1989. He was an 18 year old phenom, blessed with a big physic and cat-like moves. He took up the whole net with his big frame and made acrobatic saves. He was destined for Super-stardom! Kolzig had a temper, however, and some thought he was too young when he first entered the league. On top of that, he was said to have quite the temper, which kept him from focusing during games. Kolzig would be hard on himself after any goal, which led to giving up soft goals. He spent portions of 9 years in the minors without sticking in the NHL.

The Caps began looking else where for goaltender help. Kolzig was bumped down the depth chart until he was loaned to Rochester Americans of the AHL. To be loaned to another team's minor league team pretty much spells your doom with your parent organization. The Caps were basically giving up on Kolzig; they didn't have room for him on any of there affliates rosters. Not a good way to stick with the organization. How are you supposed to respond to that? Kolzig went on to lead the Americans to the Championship. Won MVP honors. The Caps retained his rights.

For a few years, young goalie Jim Carey flashed grit and poise in the Caps net through 2 regular seasons. But in the playoffs, Carey wilted badly two years in a row, allowing another goalie, a bit older and more seasoned, to flash his potential. That would be Olaf Kolzig. Kolzig was solid in net two years in a row in against the Penguins in the playoffs. After trading Carey to the Bruins in 1997 that brought Bill Ranford to the team. Ranford won a Stanley Cup with Edmonton. He was in his early 30's and gave them a veteran goaltender to start the 97-98 season. Ranford took over the starters position; Kolzig was still #2.

Well, Ranford got hurt early in the 1997-98 season, and Olie Kolzig hasn't given up the position of #1 goalie since. He backstopped the Caps to the Stanley Cup in that glorious '98 season, where for three playoffs series, everything went our way. And Godzilla was a rock. He won the Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender) in 2000. Kolzig turned that temper into a strong voice on the ice, helping and instructing his teammates, barking orders and encouragement. Instead of letting his emotions get the best of him, Kolzig used it to focus his game and be a vocal leader on the ice--something a lot of goalies don't do.

Although Olie has a losing record this season, he has a good goals against average and save percentage. The Caps haven't played very well at times this year, but not because of Olie the Goalie. He's tutoring a young team that needs him to be great every night--many night he is-- and he gives them the best chance to win.

The Caps were quiet about whether or not they would trade Olie this year if they could get quality in return. Kolzig's a free agent after this year, and is in high demand with playoff contending teams like Vancouver--with goalie Dan Cloutier hurt. Kolzig has always said that he wants to stay here. He wants to be one of those rare athletes that wants to stay with one team, for his entire career. He must have noticed Cal up in Charm City, sticking it out, thru good and bad, because this was home. Both guys wanted to be here. They both were good enough to warrant it, and the fans wanted them to stay, too. From the owner to the soda guy; form the skybox to the to the top row, we hoped they would stay. It seems the Caps hoped the team would show some signs of maturing this season, gaining confidence with their big goalie keeping them competitive almost every night. GM George McPhee recently said there was no chance Kolzig would leave. Case closed.

In a perfect world, Alexander Ovechkin leads this team in scoring, the young talent on the team and in the minors keeps maturing and learning the game, and with maybe a key trade or two, the Caps might discover future glory and post season success. One thing to be sure of is that #37 will probably be in net, manning the pipes, barking and yelling at his teammates. He's risen to the occasion before. Great goalies have played into their early 40's. Olie's 36. Nothing puts you in a better position to win than great goaltending. With 237 career wins, its conceivable Kolzig will win over 300 games. What better time to get those wins with an exciting young team to lead.

I met Olie once. I bought him a beer the day he threw out the first pitch at an Oriole Game after winning the Vezina. My girlfriend and I were seated a few rows back, and I sent a Coors Light down to him. I ran into him on the concourse (yeah, I kinda followed him) and he was a cool dude. He shook my hand and talked for a minute. Took the time to say hi and not be a jerk. It was pretty refreshing, a lot of athletes don't do that. Of course, Kolzig has done a lot that other athletes haven't done.

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Science Fact of the Week

It was announced on Friday that two new moons and new rings were discovered around Uranus using the Hubble telescope. The findings suggest a much more active and unstable system around your anus... I mean Uranus. I'm not making this up. Go to www.space.com and check for yourself. Interesting story. If you want a better understanding of how the universe works and what this new info means, check out Ryan's blog: http://ryanosblahg.blogspot.com

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My brother and I had a fairly heated argument on the phone the other day

about who was the best running back in NFL history. Did I say heated? OK, if we had been in the same room, we would have beat the shit out of each other. We couldn't agree on who was #1. We agreed on four of the top five, but we kept hitting a snag on who should be crowned the greatest Running back of all-time. He says Emmitt Smith, I say Walter Payton. I say, you have to take into account how good the teams were around these players. We can get into a whole bunch of what-if scenarios, but let's not. Here's what I think:

Top five runningbacks in my opinion

5. Gale Sayers: Probably would have been the greatest ever, but injuries cut his career well short of the greatness he could have produced. The team around him was ok, not great. He made things happen on his own. Returned kicks, punts and had the sweetest moves of all-time.

4. Jim Brown: The first runningback beast in the league. It was a different era in Brown's day, but he was the Man! Big, fast and mean as hell, he probably could have put the total rushing yard mark out of everyone's reach if he hadn't retired so soon.

3. Barry Sanders: The guy had no defense in his career with the Lions. His offense was shoddy at best, with a few over-achieving teams sprinkled in. Was tackled for a loss more times than anyone in NFL history, which makes the fact that he is third on the all-time rushing list even more spectacular! Imagine how many rings Barry would have had if he had a defense and a few receivers. And he retired before he was 33.

2. Emmitt Smith: This is hard for me to write. It really is. But, you have to settle for the facts. The fact is, Emmitt played for 16 years. The fact is Emmitt Smith is going to the Hall of Fame. And the fact is I said no "what if" scenarios. So Emmit is #2. He was durable, played hurt and was a leader on a 3 time Super Bowl winner. He led the league in rushing multiple times, scored however many touchdowns, which puts him something on the all-time list, and is the all-time leading rusher in NFL history.

Smith was a giant piece to the puzzle on a team that basically dominated the early 90's, but without his teammates, he wouldn't have done what he did. I know Cowboy fans will argue, but read number one and then decide for yourselves.

1. Walter Payton: Ah...Sweetness. Walter Payton was like a dancer on the field. He could leap over you; he could run over you. Walter could streak by you, or stiff arm you into submission. In his early career, he ran back punts and kicks, and scored. In 1978, Payton rushed for 278 yards in a single game, more than anyone else in history. Payton was a complete football player. Defense lineman hated to block him. He chased down interceptions with abandon and usually made the guy pay for it when he caught him. Walter played each play one way...All out. His teams never came close to the playoffs until Ditka and Buddy Ryan built a complete team in the mid-80's. I saw a Redskins/Bears game in 85 when McMahon threw an interception and Walter was the guy who chased down the defender and made him pay. The most complete football player I have ever seen.

Honorable Mentions:

Marcus Allen: Had a long career, especially for a running back. Was a great receiver out of the backfield. Probably the last Hall of Fame Heisman trophy winner (please let me know if I'm wrong on that.) He won Super Bowl 18 for the Raiders with a then record of 191 yards.

Eric Dickerson: He was amazing his first 5 or 6 years, but like many running backs in NFL history, the wear and tear just broke him down. After he gained over 2000 yards in his second season, he slowly declined and wasn't the back he started out as.

Curtis Martin: A go getter, been on good and bad teams, yet still seems to get his yards and put his team in a position to win. If Curtis comes back from this year's knee injury and can keep grinding out the yards for the Jets over a few more years, he could pass Emmitt Smith as the all-time leading rusher in NFL history. I hope he gets healthy.

The Big O Update

The Caps have won their past two games. Alex had 2 goals and 3 assists in those games. He was just named to the Russian Olympic Hockey team and leads all NHL rookies in goals 20 and points with 39 (Sidney Crosby was left off Team Canada and sits three points behind Ovechkin in rookie scoring). The Big O became the first Caps rookie to score 20 goals since 1980-81, when the "Can't Miss Kid" Bobby Carpenter scored 32 in his rookie campaign. I think Alex might score more than that this year. Ovechkin won another shootout on Thursday with the help of three great saves by Brent Johnson. Sidney who?

Three columns in one week? My gift to you all.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

Redskins Crush the 'Boys

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Dallas Week 2005

So much to say, so much happening in the world of sports. I thought it was only appropriate to start with the Maryland Men's Soccer Team. That's right, the Soccer Terps won the NCAA Division -1 Championship. Who says soccer doesn't matter?! In this area, this is exactly the kind of boost the sport of soccer needs. Congratulations to the Maryland Men's Soccer team...NCAA Champs!


We want Dallas

Its Dallas week, folks, in case you haven't been paying attention. That's right, America's Team (gag!) visits Fedexfield this Sunday with playoff implications. The last time that happened was in 1992. (Do the names Jason Buck and Danny Copeland mean anything to you? Uncle Terry has a great picture incase you need to refresh your memory.) Dallas...at home...in the cold...with the playoffs on the line. What could be better? Maybe a lap dance... but it's too close to call.
This is the Sunday when we find out what the Redskins are made of. This is when we find out if the Monday night game in the big D was a fluke or if we truly are a playoff team. After 13 up and down weeks, the Skins are on the brink of elimination and must win the next three games to even have a chance to go to the post season. Those three games are against the Cowboys, Giants and Eagles. Imagine that! Games that matter against division rivals around Christmas-time. Just like the good old days. The NFC Beast is awakening, my friends!

Playing must-win games, which the Redskins have done the last two weeks, teach a team what it takes to win. If they lose, they can learn from their mistakes and try to carry that over into the next game; the next season. Its a learning process. You have to walk before you can run. It's been so long since we Redskin fans have witnessed a meaningful division game, i think the first Goeroge Bush was president. Coach Joe is trying to teach his team how to win. Its been a long time since we had a Redskins' team that knew how and when to win. Or when to win, for that matter!

Which sets up Dallas. Oh yes! Nothing beats a meaningful game against Dallas in December. A game that magnifies the hatred and contempt for the rival Cowboys to mammouth proportions. Both teams need to win, to keep the playoffs alive. Both teams need to take the next step in order to make the NFC great again. What better way to bring back the old glory of the NFC East than to have a smash-mouth, for all the glory, Cowboys-Redskin game in December?

I keep hearing a voice in my head, repeating the same line over and over, like some sort of mantra...I can almost make it out...

Fuck Dallas! Fuck Dallas! Fuck Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells! But mostly, Fuck Dallas! I have a t-shirt that says that. Fuck Dallas...Dallas Sucks.



Big Bird becomes a Shark

Was it just my jaw that dropped to the ground when Joe Thornton was traded from the Boston Bruins to the San Jose Sharks? I mean, I'm no hockey insider--I'm sure you all are shocked to hear that--but I've read all of the trade rumors from the beginning of the season and Big Bird was not mentioned once. Thornton was the 1st pick in the draft in 1997. He is one of top 10 best forwards in the league. He's big, he's strong and he scores points like strippers collect dollar bills. Thorton was the Bruins Captain, the face of the franchise, like Bobby Orr and Ray Bourgue before him. He wasn't a guy that was on the block...or so most people thought. But it happened. The B's traded Thornton because the team is in last place and there were reports that the front office felt Tornton wasn't passionate enough. He led the Bruins in points and they cut him loose. Like one guy can win by himself? Please. The Bruins threw him under the bus.
The Sharks couldn't be happier. They traded Marco Sturm, some other guy and some other scrub and got one of the best set-up men in the league. Thornton makes his teammates better, creates scoring chances and wears number 19...perect! I sure wish the Caps had traded Brendan Witt and Danius Zubrus for Thornton so Alex Ovechkin would have a real center. It could have been our T.O. line! Just kidding.
Boston threw away there best player for lesser players. After winning their first game without Thorton, the Bruins have lost three straight. The Sharks haven't lost a game and Thorton is racking up the points. Are Scooby and Shaggy running the show up in Bean-town or what?
Of course, everything comes down to money, and this trade did as well. Boston signed Thornton to a contract in the off-season for $6 million a year that included a no-trade clause that kicks in after this season. If they didn't trade him this year, they couldn't for the next three years. But why they didn't do a sign and trade deal before the season started is beyond me. they could have gotten a better player or two if they had done that.
Poor Joe, he got shipped out of town because he didn't light a fire under his team. He has new life in San Jose. Without the spector of the past Bruin greats to live up to, he can just be Joe Thornton. Looks like he got thrown under the bus and came out unscathed on the other side. Too bad the Bruins did not.


This weeks list: Top 5 most memorable Redskin Cowboy Games

Since I was barely alive for the Clint Longley game, I can't put it on the list. I'm starting with 1982 and moving froward. Games I saw or went to. So many to chose from. Here it goes.

5. Monday Night Football 2005: Two touchdowns in the last 4 minutes. A win over the hated Cowboys, over Bill Parcels and in front of the whole country. Sweetest win the Skins have had in years.

4. Opening Day, 1999: Rocket Ishmael caught a 80 yard touchdown in overtime to win a shootout. I was there. People were throwing themselves off of the ramps on the way out. Typical game from the Norv Turner era...played well enough to win, until the end.

3. Jason Buck 1992

2. Thanksgiving 2003: The Skins lost, but thats the game where Brian Barker broke his nose. That was gross! I remember everyone in the room screamed..." Ugh! That is gross. He looked like he a pig nose.

1. December 1982, NFC Championship Game at RFK


Quote of the week

"So I'm running with Antonio--it was awesome--and i got a chance to take out this guy. But I remember the coaches telling us, 'If you you got a guy lined up, but he's behind the play, leave him alone.' So instead of taking this guy out, I watched Antonio blow kisses."

-Jimmy Farris, Redskins receiver and special teams player, blocking for Antonio Brown last week against the Cardinals.

That's coaching, folks.

Some Things Change, Some Things Don't

New excitement for the NHL; Same Old for Michael Irvin



You have the Right to Remain Silent...

If you have yet to hear, former Dallas Cowboy receiver Michael Irvin was arrested in Dallas over the weekend for possession of drug paraphenalia after he was pulled over for speeding. That's funny, I always thought stoners drove slower when they're high...at least, I do.


Can you believe Irvin? In case you don't remember, this is not Michaels first brush with the law when it comes to narcotics. He was arrested in 1996 for cocaine and marijuana charges, along with a few other Cowboys and some "ladies of the evening." At the time, Irvin claimed he was an innocent bystander at that party. He claimed his fingerprints were on a plate containing cocaine because he passed it to the person next to him; he swore he did not take part in the festivities. He claimed he simply was stopping by the house to remind some teammates about the prayer meeting the following day.


Irvin's excuse this time? This time, Mike said the paraphenalia did not belong to him. He claimed it wasn't his. Irvin claims it was a friend's pipe and that Jesus told Irvin to take it and "help his friend." Irvin hid it in his car. Irvin was pulled over for speeding. He had an outstanding ticket already, so they searched his car. They found the pipe and some empty baggies with mary-jane residue inside. Oops! Give me a break! Getting busted once? I can see him maybe being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But twice? Cow paddies!


Michael Irvin, in my opinion, has always been a blowhard. Being a Redskin fan, my hatred for the Dallas Cowboys runs deep; I hate no other franchise and its players from any sport more than I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I do have respect for some of the past greats that played or coached for the 'Boys in the past: Roger Staubach, Troy Aikmen, Tony Dorsett and Tom Landry. But Irvin is one of those guys that turned my stomach as a player and continues to do so as an analyst and as a person. I mean, come on! Did the bowl fall out of a hookers bag when you dropped her off, Mike, or did Nate Newton shove it under the seat when some police officer flagged you down? Maybe you and Leon Lett were cruising thru downtown Dallas the other day and he forgot to tell you that he left it it the glove compartment.

Just be a man and take your lumps, Michael Irvin. It was your pipe. Every once in awhile, you toke up. You're sorry. It was a mistake you will live with for the rest of your life. Other Pro Bowlers have done that, you know. Jamal Lewis went to prison for 4 months last year, and what he supposedly did was make a phone call for a friend who was looking to buy a substantial amount of weed. He was even told by the judge he probably would get off, but there was a slight chance he might get the book thrown at him. Lewis couldn't risk it because that would have put his career in jeopardy. He took his lumps for being stupid and did his time.


Like my Dad always says, "Possession is nine-tenths of the law." Pony up to the bench and take it like a man, Mike. Things can only get worse for you from here. For example, Cowboy fans will surely throw out the name Dexter Manley this week...They always do when another one of their beloved 'Boys gets arrested. I don't think the two have much in common yet. Irvin is a jerk. He thinks he can get away with anything, just like he always thought he could...on the field or off. Yeah, Jesus told you to help your "friend". I know that He is much smarter than that.


This weeks List

All-time Hated Athletes
This week, I will dig deep into my bag of hatred and name my most favorite players to despise. With the rivalries I grew up with here in Washington, I had a lot of guys to consider. Here's my list, starting with number 10:


10. Kobe Bryant, LA Lakers Guard: Not because of the whole rape thing, but because his ego was so huge, he probably cost himself the chance to win at least 4 more titles with Shaq and Phil. Not a team player.



9. Andre Waters, former Eagles safety: The consummate cheapshot artist. He even threatened to break people's legs! Ironically, it happened to him.

8. Tony Meola, former goalie of the NY/NJ Metro-Stars: I went to a DC Untied playoff game back in '97. The crowd cat-called and screamed at Meola the whole time, "Tony Sucks!" From what I was told by the United fans around me, it was all warranted...Tony was a dick. I joined in happily. There is nothing like giving a goalie the business.

7. Michael Irvin, former Cowboys wideout: I heard he's fun to party with, but the arrogance and the crying he did to the refs after every play for 11 years make him a jerk.

6. Ron Hextall, former Flyers Goaltender: probably the dirtiest player in the NHL in the 80's and 90's. The only reason he isn't listed higher was because he just so happens to be part of arguably the greatest moment in Caps History back in 1988. Dale Hunter scored on a breakaway in game seven, in overtime to defeat Hextall and the Flyers to send the Caps into the second round of the playoffs. The fact that the Caps won was great; the fact that it was Hextall in net was sweet. The image of Hextall lying on his back inside the net as the Caps celebrated the win will forever be etched into my mind. Heeeexxtaaaaall! Heeeexxtaaaaall!



5. Mario Lemieux, Pittsburgh Penguins: Yes, he is great. Yes he has come back from a bad back and cancer. Yes, he would have challenged Gretzky's scoring records. But... he beat my Caps in the playoffs too many times. He cherry-picked his way into the record books and never played defense. He only pushed around players smaller than him. I respect him as a great hockey player...but I can't stand him. He's a pussy.



4. Deion Sanders: Prime-Time always made me want to gouge my eyes out. Whether in Atlanta, San Francisco, Dallas or Washington, I always hated Deion. The way he walked, talked, dressed and high-stepped into the endzone (which he never did with the Skins, might I remind you). I am glad he plays for the Ravens. My hatred for them is now complete.

3. Buddy Ryan, former Eagles Head Coach: Who could forget that infamous "Body Bag" game on Monday Night back in 1990? I know he wasn't a player, but who didn't detest Buddy Ryan? Even Eagle Fans hated Buddy Ryan. (Well, that's not too surprising, actually. Eagle Fans hate Santa Claus.) Buddy told his players to hurt the other teams players, their stars! He put bounties on the opposing teams players and wanted them taken out of the game. Ryan has the distinguished honor of being the only man Joe Gibbs really, really, doesn't like.

2. Kjell Samuelson, former Flyers Defenseman: You want to talk about a goon? Samuelsson was it. 6'6" and 250 pounds, this guy played dirty and never picked on any player who was taller than six foot. He sucker punched guys when they weren't looking, whacked them across the face with his stick, cheap-shotted guys into the boards and always shoved the little guy around. But, he eventually got his...

One night in the early 90's, Samuelsson zeroed in on the Caps Kelly Miller. Miller, a scrappy tough guy in his own right, was pushed and tripped and slammed by Samuelsson all game long. In the waning moments of the 3rd period, with the Caps ahead, Miller--all 5'10" of him--finally snapped. As Samuelsson grabbed Miller from behind and gave him the old face wash, Miller slipped out from under the big oaf's mitts, turned and landed a serious of punches--he had to reach up and practically jump to land each one, which he did-- knocking Samuelsson to the ice. Once the big Swede was down, Miller beat the crap out of him.

Miller called it the best 5 minutes he ever spent in the penalty box. Samuelsson left the league in shame a few years later. Its hard to intimidate other players when everyone knows your a wuss.

1. Barry Bonds: My brother Drew and I talked at length about Barry Bonds Monday evening. He agreed that he hates Barry Bonds, too. However, Drew disagreed with me putting Barry Bonds at the top of my list. He thought it might be a little to harsh. Whatever.

I think Barry Bonds is cocky, arrogant, unapproachable, completely self-centered, egotistical and just a Dick! He doesn't care about the fans, fans who would adore him if he just smiled and signed some autographs. Drew said that Barry was always like this, even in Pittsburgh, so it's expected. Its not a surprise. The sun rises in the east, sets in the west and Barry Bonds is an asshole. Its just the nature of the universe. I say, all the more reason to hate the guy.

Look, if he can't see how much his performance over the years has brought more people back to the game of baseball and seen how blessed he is to be able to do what he does and have his talents, than screw him. I like to think I'm balancing my part of the universe by detesting Barry as much as he seems to detest us.

***Send me your top 5 most hated athletes and I'll post the results. Feel free to borrow from my list.***


**The Big O Update**

Last week, the Caps and the Big O had a bitter sweet week. Alex hasn't scored a goal in 5 games. He does, however have 5 assists in those games. That means he's not trying too hard to score by himself on each shift and is getting comfortable with teammates. Alex continues to throw his body around; he is fearless when it comes to hitting people.


He had a great defensive play last week against the Rangers when he chased down a Ranger on a breakaway, dove to knock the puck away and save a possible goal. The Rangers fans screamed for a penalty, but the refs ruled it was a clean play.


It's like football...a defender is allowed incidental contact when he goes for the ball. A.O. went for the puck and got it cleanly. Wow, I never realized how much of a well rounded player this kid was. Watching him get better is going to be fun.



Special thanks to my brother for his in-depth analysis and contributions to this post. How's your Volvo?

Hockey Virgins Shoot...And Score!

Show down Number One


Here it is folks, the moment we all have been waiting for...Ok, maybe not all of us...
Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby meet for the first time Tuesday night when the Penguins play your Nation's Capitals in Pittsburgh. Now, finally we can decide once and for all which rookie phenom is better. Haha. Just kidding. I know that that won't be decided for years, when we can look back on their careers as a whole. But that shouldn't diminish Tuesday's match-up. This should be the first of many match-ups over the next few years. These two rookies are the future of the league; the new torch bearers of the NHL, if they can live up to their potential. This could be an exciting new era in the bitter rivalry between these two teams. If you want my opinion, I would highly suggest that you check the game out. You are in for a show...And you just might be surprised. Sir Sidney against "The Big O". For the first time.


Feels Like the First Time

I went to the Caps game last Tuesday with a group of friends. Two of them had never been to a hockey game. The only things that they really knew about the sport was what they had read in my persistent e-mails and that Alexander Ovechkin was on his way to being a great player. Alexander the Great did not disappoint. "The Big O" scored a high-light reel goal with just over a minute left in regulation to tie the game. The Caps won--that's right, you know what I'm going to say--when Alex scored the only goal in the shootout, beating goalie Sean Burke and defending Stanley Cup champion and division rival Tampa Bay Lightning. The Caps came back after being down 3-1, and all of us were having a blast!
What a great game to see your first time out to the rink! My friends asked lots of questions, understood what was going on and they got caught up in the excitement. Thank god it wasn't a 8-1 blowout like that Flyers game the other week. I would have had a lot of explaining to do.

Today's List:

Actually, just one today, everyone. In keeping with our "First Time Theme", this is for Norv Turner:

Thanks for finally winning the big one in FedexField, old buddy. Great timing.

(Why does he always look constipated?)



Baseball Update

I read in the Washington Post on Monday that rising stadium costs will force the city to cut infrastructure costs in order to build the Nationals new baseball stadium. In short, I'm guessing, that means that the stadium will be built, but there won't be any roads, or sidewalks or buses, etc. built or improved in and around the stadium area. Most may see this as a serious setback in breaking ground next year. Some may begin to worry that this is a deal breaker and the team may leave if this all isn't finalized by baseball's dead-line of December 31st. Fear not, baseball fans. I have the solution.
In an offer from a german bank made during the District's search for outside funding to ease the financial burden on the city last winter, a german bank offered to front money to the city and in return, they would collect all parking revenues in and around the stadium. The city council said no and the District is footing the whole bill.
Here is my idea...Have the Germans pay for the infrastructure costs and give them a percentage of the parking profits that roll in when the stadium is finished. Sound familiar? The Germans offered possibly more than $200 million for those parking revenues. Infrastructure costs being cut don't equal that much. They lend less money, you pay them back in a shorter time; you cover all costs to the stadium, they still get a return on their investment. You guys figure out what percentage of revenues gets divided where. Let us Nationals Fans enjoy our new team, not worry that they might leave once again. We've had enough of that already.

Quote of the Day

"Do...or do not. There is no try."

Yoda, Empire Strikes Back

The First Time is Always the Sweetest

First and goal...And I'm Off and Running!

Welcome everyone! This is my first foray into the blog-world, and I am excited to share my senseless ramblings with all of you. Since most people have jobs and can't spare the time to talk about my interests with me, I have decided to share them with other people who have free time on their hands. This idea started out as a semi-weekly hockey e-mail about my favorite sports team...The Washington Capitals. Being an aspiring writer, I figured it would be a nice writing exercise to e-mail my semi-sarcastic, yet informative observations on the Caps and the Hockey world to people I know. I figured my brother and my best friends would not be able to keep quiet and would jump at the chance to poke fun at me and my senseless ramblings. And, boy was I right! Not only did they respond, they butchered me...each week, replying to the entire list of people I had sent my e-mail to. Needless to say, my parents were a little upset with the language and the banter that ensued. They both e-mailed me to let me know as much. My friends, however, thought this was hilarious so they stepped it up a couple of notches. A good friend of mine suggested that a blog would be perfect and I agreed. I decided to take my show on the road, so here I am!

Enough of that sh*t. I will be posting pieces a few times a week. It will be heavy with hockey stuff but something else in the sports world will inevitably rub me the wrong way and I'll have to share with you what I think. (Don't worry, I'm f#*king hilarious.) I have other interests and I will share those with you as well. It all my not relate, but it's my blog, so screw you! Make sure you check all of the features on the site. Not all is sports related, and you just might learn something. Just call me a renaissance man.


The Five Points

Each posting will have some sort of version of the five points. It may be three points or it may be ten. I decide as I go. I do not like the title, so our first contest is to rename this section to something better. I may think of it on my own, however, if you have a better suggestion, I may take it. I will give you credit and one of our fabulous prizes!

This week: The Rules of the Blog

1.) There are rules here and I would appreciate full compliance at all times from everyone.

2.) I'm always right. It's my site and I make the rules...Deal with it.

3.) Look for the perverted cliches' I put in everything I write. It's a remnant of my Beavis and Butt-head days. It's my hook. The more you see and respond to, the more prizes you win!

4.) I don't give out prizes. At least not yet. If you guys like my stuff, tell your friends! You help get me a job working for a major paper or magazine?...We'll talk prizes.

5.) The more you respond...The more material I have to wax you with. Bring it on! I feed off of ignorance!

The Sports World as a Whole

Is it just me, or is everyone else sick and tired of the Terrell Owens saga? I have seen and heard more about this than I ever care to see and hear about any athlete...ever! The guy has serious mental and anger issues. His quarterback is playing hurt, his team is divided by his constant diarrhea of the mouth and Terrell can't understand why he can't get more money. Hey, T.O....SHUT UP! You signed your contract. You ran your mouth, and ran yourself out of Philly. You have nothing to do now but wait for the next opportunity somewhere else...Next year. And by the way, you can kiss the money you wanted good-bye. You should have stayed with Eagles and earned your dough. Now, there's no way in hell you will ever make the money you could have. Did it take the doctors long to take the bullet out of your foot? Maybe it was multiple gunshot wounds. That wouldn't surprise me. Idiot. And shame on you, T.O. I'm a Redskin Fan for god's sake! I love when my rivals have these problems! Now, I actually feel sorry for them. I think they are doing the right thing. And not because the Skins' chances of beating them are better, but because you are an A**hole! I'll never forgive you.

Science Fact of the Day

Pluto, it recently was discovered, does not just have one moon, Charon, but two others as well. Recent discoveries of Pluto-sized objects in the Kuiper Belt and the Oort Cloud have put into question just how to classify what is a planet. A lot of scientists wanted to make Pluto a Kuiper Belt object because it orbits outside of Neptune for the most part, and is much smaller than even Earth's moon. But with the new objects being sighted and Pluto now a multiple-planet system...A lot could change on planet classification in the coming years.

**The Big O Update** I will make constant reference to hockey player Alexander Ovechkin (pronounced: O-vetch-kin). Ovechkin is the Caps rookie phenom, taking the hockey world by storm and about the only thing us Capital fans have to look forward to this year. My brother and I have dubbed him "The Big O". Who doesn't like the Big O?
If you are not a hockey fan and you see this kid play, believe me, even you will notice how good Alexander Ovechkin is. Great hockey players exude that feeling, that anticipation that something special is about to happen. The great ones make things happen, and Alexander Ovechkin is one of those players. He has 5 multi goal games, three game winners, is fifth in the league in goals, second in rookie scoring and has more goals than any other first year player this season. The Caps have won 6 games so far this year and the Big O is one of the main reasons. Your Nation's Capitals are starting to show signs of maturing as their other young and talented players learn from their mistakes and improve. Olie Kolzig (Godzilla) keeps them in games. But without Ovechkin, the Caps would be the worst team in the league. He's only 20, yet he set the rookie record for consecutive games with a point to start a career. Ovechkin is so fast and gifted with and without the puck, you would expect he would be splashed all over the hockey world by the league, the team and the media. He provides at least one highlight per game! And it's not because he's flashy...He is just a hustler! His hands are incredible! He won a shootout with 5 moves in a 1.5 second span, held onto the puck with ease and beat the goalie for what proved to be the difference against rival Atlanta. You try that. Most great hockey players can't do that. Gretzky couldn't do that! He should be everywhere, right? For the good of the league and the game that was hurt so much by the lockout and cancellation of the entire 2004-05 season? Right?
Wrong! The Big O is totally getting hosed by the league. The NHL are not promoting him like they and the media are promoting SidneyCrosby. The Caps are promoting Ovechkin, so is the local media (Al Koken, you are my hero!). But Sidney Crosby is the NHL's darling now; their media darling. Casual fans and non-fans recognize his name. He's been on the cover of Sports illustrated, ESPN the Magazine and countless others. He is humble, gracious and calm in an interview. Gretzky was the "Great One". Crosby is being billed as the "Next One"... How original....

Last time I looked, the Big O had won more games for his team, led his team in scoring and scored in three shootouts to help the Caps win, all before Sidney's Penguins won their first game. Christ, Crosby plays with Mario Lemeuix, John Leclair, Sergei Gonchar and Mark Recchi! Those are Hall of Fame guys, as far as I'm concerned. And the Pens didn't win any games until October 28th? Please.
I guess rookie of the month must be based on points alone. Crosby had 1 more point than Ovechkin in the first month of the season. Since then, the Penguins have gone on a tear and Crosby is showing that he indeed does have skills and might be as good as they predicted...maybe. And Crosby is only 18, fresh out of junior hockey. Ovechkin has been playing with pro hockey players in Russia since he was 16. I guess my hatred for the Pens over the years may be affecting my judgment. I recognize Sidney's talent. The kid is real good. I just think, right now, Ovechkin is the best rookie in the game. Hands down. He will get is due. If not, I'll have lots to bitch about.


Today's thought
"Most people with low self-esteem have earned it."
-George Carlin
Napalm and Sillyputty copyright 2001

Next column: Call of the week!