Some Things Change, Some Things Don't

New excitement for the NHL; Same Old for Michael Irvin



You have the Right to Remain Silent...

If you have yet to hear, former Dallas Cowboy receiver Michael Irvin was arrested in Dallas over the weekend for possession of drug paraphenalia after he was pulled over for speeding. That's funny, I always thought stoners drove slower when they're high...at least, I do.


Can you believe Irvin? In case you don't remember, this is not Michaels first brush with the law when it comes to narcotics. He was arrested in 1996 for cocaine and marijuana charges, along with a few other Cowboys and some "ladies of the evening." At the time, Irvin claimed he was an innocent bystander at that party. He claimed his fingerprints were on a plate containing cocaine because he passed it to the person next to him; he swore he did not take part in the festivities. He claimed he simply was stopping by the house to remind some teammates about the prayer meeting the following day.


Irvin's excuse this time? This time, Mike said the paraphenalia did not belong to him. He claimed it wasn't his. Irvin claims it was a friend's pipe and that Jesus told Irvin to take it and "help his friend." Irvin hid it in his car. Irvin was pulled over for speeding. He had an outstanding ticket already, so they searched his car. They found the pipe and some empty baggies with mary-jane residue inside. Oops! Give me a break! Getting busted once? I can see him maybe being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But twice? Cow paddies!


Michael Irvin, in my opinion, has always been a blowhard. Being a Redskin fan, my hatred for the Dallas Cowboys runs deep; I hate no other franchise and its players from any sport more than I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I do have respect for some of the past greats that played or coached for the 'Boys in the past: Roger Staubach, Troy Aikmen, Tony Dorsett and Tom Landry. But Irvin is one of those guys that turned my stomach as a player and continues to do so as an analyst and as a person. I mean, come on! Did the bowl fall out of a hookers bag when you dropped her off, Mike, or did Nate Newton shove it under the seat when some police officer flagged you down? Maybe you and Leon Lett were cruising thru downtown Dallas the other day and he forgot to tell you that he left it it the glove compartment.

Just be a man and take your lumps, Michael Irvin. It was your pipe. Every once in awhile, you toke up. You're sorry. It was a mistake you will live with for the rest of your life. Other Pro Bowlers have done that, you know. Jamal Lewis went to prison for 4 months last year, and what he supposedly did was make a phone call for a friend who was looking to buy a substantial amount of weed. He was even told by the judge he probably would get off, but there was a slight chance he might get the book thrown at him. Lewis couldn't risk it because that would have put his career in jeopardy. He took his lumps for being stupid and did his time.


Like my Dad always says, "Possession is nine-tenths of the law." Pony up to the bench and take it like a man, Mike. Things can only get worse for you from here. For example, Cowboy fans will surely throw out the name Dexter Manley this week...They always do when another one of their beloved 'Boys gets arrested. I don't think the two have much in common yet. Irvin is a jerk. He thinks he can get away with anything, just like he always thought he could...on the field or off. Yeah, Jesus told you to help your "friend". I know that He is much smarter than that.


This weeks List

All-time Hated Athletes
This week, I will dig deep into my bag of hatred and name my most favorite players to despise. With the rivalries I grew up with here in Washington, I had a lot of guys to consider. Here's my list, starting with number 10:


10. Kobe Bryant, LA Lakers Guard: Not because of the whole rape thing, but because his ego was so huge, he probably cost himself the chance to win at least 4 more titles with Shaq and Phil. Not a team player.



9. Andre Waters, former Eagles safety: The consummate cheapshot artist. He even threatened to break people's legs! Ironically, it happened to him.

8. Tony Meola, former goalie of the NY/NJ Metro-Stars: I went to a DC Untied playoff game back in '97. The crowd cat-called and screamed at Meola the whole time, "Tony Sucks!" From what I was told by the United fans around me, it was all warranted...Tony was a dick. I joined in happily. There is nothing like giving a goalie the business.

7. Michael Irvin, former Cowboys wideout: I heard he's fun to party with, but the arrogance and the crying he did to the refs after every play for 11 years make him a jerk.

6. Ron Hextall, former Flyers Goaltender: probably the dirtiest player in the NHL in the 80's and 90's. The only reason he isn't listed higher was because he just so happens to be part of arguably the greatest moment in Caps History back in 1988. Dale Hunter scored on a breakaway in game seven, in overtime to defeat Hextall and the Flyers to send the Caps into the second round of the playoffs. The fact that the Caps won was great; the fact that it was Hextall in net was sweet. The image of Hextall lying on his back inside the net as the Caps celebrated the win will forever be etched into my mind. Heeeexxtaaaaall! Heeeexxtaaaaall!



5. Mario Lemieux, Pittsburgh Penguins: Yes, he is great. Yes he has come back from a bad back and cancer. Yes, he would have challenged Gretzky's scoring records. But... he beat my Caps in the playoffs too many times. He cherry-picked his way into the record books and never played defense. He only pushed around players smaller than him. I respect him as a great hockey player...but I can't stand him. He's a pussy.



4. Deion Sanders: Prime-Time always made me want to gouge my eyes out. Whether in Atlanta, San Francisco, Dallas or Washington, I always hated Deion. The way he walked, talked, dressed and high-stepped into the endzone (which he never did with the Skins, might I remind you). I am glad he plays for the Ravens. My hatred for them is now complete.

3. Buddy Ryan, former Eagles Head Coach: Who could forget that infamous "Body Bag" game on Monday Night back in 1990? I know he wasn't a player, but who didn't detest Buddy Ryan? Even Eagle Fans hated Buddy Ryan. (Well, that's not too surprising, actually. Eagle Fans hate Santa Claus.) Buddy told his players to hurt the other teams players, their stars! He put bounties on the opposing teams players and wanted them taken out of the game. Ryan has the distinguished honor of being the only man Joe Gibbs really, really, doesn't like.

2. Kjell Samuelson, former Flyers Defenseman: You want to talk about a goon? Samuelsson was it. 6'6" and 250 pounds, this guy played dirty and never picked on any player who was taller than six foot. He sucker punched guys when they weren't looking, whacked them across the face with his stick, cheap-shotted guys into the boards and always shoved the little guy around. But, he eventually got his...

One night in the early 90's, Samuelsson zeroed in on the Caps Kelly Miller. Miller, a scrappy tough guy in his own right, was pushed and tripped and slammed by Samuelsson all game long. In the waning moments of the 3rd period, with the Caps ahead, Miller--all 5'10" of him--finally snapped. As Samuelsson grabbed Miller from behind and gave him the old face wash, Miller slipped out from under the big oaf's mitts, turned and landed a serious of punches--he had to reach up and practically jump to land each one, which he did-- knocking Samuelsson to the ice. Once the big Swede was down, Miller beat the crap out of him.

Miller called it the best 5 minutes he ever spent in the penalty box. Samuelsson left the league in shame a few years later. Its hard to intimidate other players when everyone knows your a wuss.

1. Barry Bonds: My brother Drew and I talked at length about Barry Bonds Monday evening. He agreed that he hates Barry Bonds, too. However, Drew disagreed with me putting Barry Bonds at the top of my list. He thought it might be a little to harsh. Whatever.

I think Barry Bonds is cocky, arrogant, unapproachable, completely self-centered, egotistical and just a Dick! He doesn't care about the fans, fans who would adore him if he just smiled and signed some autographs. Drew said that Barry was always like this, even in Pittsburgh, so it's expected. Its not a surprise. The sun rises in the east, sets in the west and Barry Bonds is an asshole. Its just the nature of the universe. I say, all the more reason to hate the guy.

Look, if he can't see how much his performance over the years has brought more people back to the game of baseball and seen how blessed he is to be able to do what he does and have his talents, than screw him. I like to think I'm balancing my part of the universe by detesting Barry as much as he seems to detest us.

***Send me your top 5 most hated athletes and I'll post the results. Feel free to borrow from my list.***


**The Big O Update**

Last week, the Caps and the Big O had a bitter sweet week. Alex hasn't scored a goal in 5 games. He does, however have 5 assists in those games. That means he's not trying too hard to score by himself on each shift and is getting comfortable with teammates. Alex continues to throw his body around; he is fearless when it comes to hitting people.


He had a great defensive play last week against the Rangers when he chased down a Ranger on a breakaway, dove to knock the puck away and save a possible goal. The Rangers fans screamed for a penalty, but the refs ruled it was a clean play.


It's like football...a defender is allowed incidental contact when he goes for the ball. A.O. went for the puck and got it cleanly. Wow, I never realized how much of a well rounded player this kid was. Watching him get better is going to be fun.



Special thanks to my brother for his in-depth analysis and contributions to this post. How's your Volvo?

Hockey Virgins Shoot...And Score!

Show down Number One


Here it is folks, the moment we all have been waiting for...Ok, maybe not all of us...
Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby meet for the first time Tuesday night when the Penguins play your Nation's Capitals in Pittsburgh. Now, finally we can decide once and for all which rookie phenom is better. Haha. Just kidding. I know that that won't be decided for years, when we can look back on their careers as a whole. But that shouldn't diminish Tuesday's match-up. This should be the first of many match-ups over the next few years. These two rookies are the future of the league; the new torch bearers of the NHL, if they can live up to their potential. This could be an exciting new era in the bitter rivalry between these two teams. If you want my opinion, I would highly suggest that you check the game out. You are in for a show...And you just might be surprised. Sir Sidney against "The Big O". For the first time.


Feels Like the First Time

I went to the Caps game last Tuesday with a group of friends. Two of them had never been to a hockey game. The only things that they really knew about the sport was what they had read in my persistent e-mails and that Alexander Ovechkin was on his way to being a great player. Alexander the Great did not disappoint. "The Big O" scored a high-light reel goal with just over a minute left in regulation to tie the game. The Caps won--that's right, you know what I'm going to say--when Alex scored the only goal in the shootout, beating goalie Sean Burke and defending Stanley Cup champion and division rival Tampa Bay Lightning. The Caps came back after being down 3-1, and all of us were having a blast!
What a great game to see your first time out to the rink! My friends asked lots of questions, understood what was going on and they got caught up in the excitement. Thank god it wasn't a 8-1 blowout like that Flyers game the other week. I would have had a lot of explaining to do.

Today's List:

Actually, just one today, everyone. In keeping with our "First Time Theme", this is for Norv Turner:

Thanks for finally winning the big one in FedexField, old buddy. Great timing.

(Why does he always look constipated?)



Baseball Update

I read in the Washington Post on Monday that rising stadium costs will force the city to cut infrastructure costs in order to build the Nationals new baseball stadium. In short, I'm guessing, that means that the stadium will be built, but there won't be any roads, or sidewalks or buses, etc. built or improved in and around the stadium area. Most may see this as a serious setback in breaking ground next year. Some may begin to worry that this is a deal breaker and the team may leave if this all isn't finalized by baseball's dead-line of December 31st. Fear not, baseball fans. I have the solution.
In an offer from a german bank made during the District's search for outside funding to ease the financial burden on the city last winter, a german bank offered to front money to the city and in return, they would collect all parking revenues in and around the stadium. The city council said no and the District is footing the whole bill.
Here is my idea...Have the Germans pay for the infrastructure costs and give them a percentage of the parking profits that roll in when the stadium is finished. Sound familiar? The Germans offered possibly more than $200 million for those parking revenues. Infrastructure costs being cut don't equal that much. They lend less money, you pay them back in a shorter time; you cover all costs to the stadium, they still get a return on their investment. You guys figure out what percentage of revenues gets divided where. Let us Nationals Fans enjoy our new team, not worry that they might leave once again. We've had enough of that already.

Quote of the Day

"Do...or do not. There is no try."

Yoda, Empire Strikes Back

The First Time is Always the Sweetest

First and goal...And I'm Off and Running!

Welcome everyone! This is my first foray into the blog-world, and I am excited to share my senseless ramblings with all of you. Since most people have jobs and can't spare the time to talk about my interests with me, I have decided to share them with other people who have free time on their hands. This idea started out as a semi-weekly hockey e-mail about my favorite sports team...The Washington Capitals. Being an aspiring writer, I figured it would be a nice writing exercise to e-mail my semi-sarcastic, yet informative observations on the Caps and the Hockey world to people I know. I figured my brother and my best friends would not be able to keep quiet and would jump at the chance to poke fun at me and my senseless ramblings. And, boy was I right! Not only did they respond, they butchered me...each week, replying to the entire list of people I had sent my e-mail to. Needless to say, my parents were a little upset with the language and the banter that ensued. They both e-mailed me to let me know as much. My friends, however, thought this was hilarious so they stepped it up a couple of notches. A good friend of mine suggested that a blog would be perfect and I agreed. I decided to take my show on the road, so here I am!

Enough of that sh*t. I will be posting pieces a few times a week. It will be heavy with hockey stuff but something else in the sports world will inevitably rub me the wrong way and I'll have to share with you what I think. (Don't worry, I'm f#*king hilarious.) I have other interests and I will share those with you as well. It all my not relate, but it's my blog, so screw you! Make sure you check all of the features on the site. Not all is sports related, and you just might learn something. Just call me a renaissance man.


The Five Points

Each posting will have some sort of version of the five points. It may be three points or it may be ten. I decide as I go. I do not like the title, so our first contest is to rename this section to something better. I may think of it on my own, however, if you have a better suggestion, I may take it. I will give you credit and one of our fabulous prizes!

This week: The Rules of the Blog

1.) There are rules here and I would appreciate full compliance at all times from everyone.

2.) I'm always right. It's my site and I make the rules...Deal with it.

3.) Look for the perverted cliches' I put in everything I write. It's a remnant of my Beavis and Butt-head days. It's my hook. The more you see and respond to, the more prizes you win!

4.) I don't give out prizes. At least not yet. If you guys like my stuff, tell your friends! You help get me a job working for a major paper or magazine?...We'll talk prizes.

5.) The more you respond...The more material I have to wax you with. Bring it on! I feed off of ignorance!

The Sports World as a Whole

Is it just me, or is everyone else sick and tired of the Terrell Owens saga? I have seen and heard more about this than I ever care to see and hear about any athlete...ever! The guy has serious mental and anger issues. His quarterback is playing hurt, his team is divided by his constant diarrhea of the mouth and Terrell can't understand why he can't get more money. Hey, T.O....SHUT UP! You signed your contract. You ran your mouth, and ran yourself out of Philly. You have nothing to do now but wait for the next opportunity somewhere else...Next year. And by the way, you can kiss the money you wanted good-bye. You should have stayed with Eagles and earned your dough. Now, there's no way in hell you will ever make the money you could have. Did it take the doctors long to take the bullet out of your foot? Maybe it was multiple gunshot wounds. That wouldn't surprise me. Idiot. And shame on you, T.O. I'm a Redskin Fan for god's sake! I love when my rivals have these problems! Now, I actually feel sorry for them. I think they are doing the right thing. And not because the Skins' chances of beating them are better, but because you are an A**hole! I'll never forgive you.

Science Fact of the Day

Pluto, it recently was discovered, does not just have one moon, Charon, but two others as well. Recent discoveries of Pluto-sized objects in the Kuiper Belt and the Oort Cloud have put into question just how to classify what is a planet. A lot of scientists wanted to make Pluto a Kuiper Belt object because it orbits outside of Neptune for the most part, and is much smaller than even Earth's moon. But with the new objects being sighted and Pluto now a multiple-planet system...A lot could change on planet classification in the coming years.

**The Big O Update** I will make constant reference to hockey player Alexander Ovechkin (pronounced: O-vetch-kin). Ovechkin is the Caps rookie phenom, taking the hockey world by storm and about the only thing us Capital fans have to look forward to this year. My brother and I have dubbed him "The Big O". Who doesn't like the Big O?
If you are not a hockey fan and you see this kid play, believe me, even you will notice how good Alexander Ovechkin is. Great hockey players exude that feeling, that anticipation that something special is about to happen. The great ones make things happen, and Alexander Ovechkin is one of those players. He has 5 multi goal games, three game winners, is fifth in the league in goals, second in rookie scoring and has more goals than any other first year player this season. The Caps have won 6 games so far this year and the Big O is one of the main reasons. Your Nation's Capitals are starting to show signs of maturing as their other young and talented players learn from their mistakes and improve. Olie Kolzig (Godzilla) keeps them in games. But without Ovechkin, the Caps would be the worst team in the league. He's only 20, yet he set the rookie record for consecutive games with a point to start a career. Ovechkin is so fast and gifted with and without the puck, you would expect he would be splashed all over the hockey world by the league, the team and the media. He provides at least one highlight per game! And it's not because he's flashy...He is just a hustler! His hands are incredible! He won a shootout with 5 moves in a 1.5 second span, held onto the puck with ease and beat the goalie for what proved to be the difference against rival Atlanta. You try that. Most great hockey players can't do that. Gretzky couldn't do that! He should be everywhere, right? For the good of the league and the game that was hurt so much by the lockout and cancellation of the entire 2004-05 season? Right?
Wrong! The Big O is totally getting hosed by the league. The NHL are not promoting him like they and the media are promoting SidneyCrosby. The Caps are promoting Ovechkin, so is the local media (Al Koken, you are my hero!). But Sidney Crosby is the NHL's darling now; their media darling. Casual fans and non-fans recognize his name. He's been on the cover of Sports illustrated, ESPN the Magazine and countless others. He is humble, gracious and calm in an interview. Gretzky was the "Great One". Crosby is being billed as the "Next One"... How original....

Last time I looked, the Big O had won more games for his team, led his team in scoring and scored in three shootouts to help the Caps win, all before Sidney's Penguins won their first game. Christ, Crosby plays with Mario Lemeuix, John Leclair, Sergei Gonchar and Mark Recchi! Those are Hall of Fame guys, as far as I'm concerned. And the Pens didn't win any games until October 28th? Please.
I guess rookie of the month must be based on points alone. Crosby had 1 more point than Ovechkin in the first month of the season. Since then, the Penguins have gone on a tear and Crosby is showing that he indeed does have skills and might be as good as they predicted...maybe. And Crosby is only 18, fresh out of junior hockey. Ovechkin has been playing with pro hockey players in Russia since he was 16. I guess my hatred for the Pens over the years may be affecting my judgment. I recognize Sidney's talent. The kid is real good. I just think, right now, Ovechkin is the best rookie in the game. Hands down. He will get is due. If not, I'll have lots to bitch about.


Today's thought
"Most people with low self-esteem have earned it."
-George Carlin
Napalm and Sillyputty copyright 2001

Next column: Call of the week!