Buy Me Some Peanuts and Crackerjacks

Well, we're almost a month into the '07 Major League Baseball Season and I thought I'd weigh in on some of the things I have noticed, been angered by or developed an opinion about. I haven't been so siked for a baseball season since 1997. There are two teams in the area, the best ballpark 30 minutes north in Baltimore, the next great ballpark just 35 minutes west and the Yankees stink! Woo-hoo! I am as happy as a little girl! Read on at your own risk!






1. Although the Nats are 8-15, they will not be historically bad this year. Shaun Hill has been unexpectedly good; Ryan Zimmerman is the next great third baseman; Dimitri Young has filled in nicely for the injured Nick Johnson; Ronnie Belliard...where did he come from? The young pitching staff is very green, but they aren't terrible. John Patterson has yet to get his fastball into the 90's, but the Nats are letting Patterson work himself back into shape after fore arm surgery at the end of last year. He'll get there. I love how Manny Acta keeps the team loose and upbeat even thought everyone says they will be terrible. Acta is one cool dude.Go Nats!



2. Although some of you may believe I hate the Orioles, I actually have been watching and rooting for the Birds. They are a little inconsistent, but their pitching seems headed in the right direction. Erik Bedard is the real deal, if only Daniel Cabrera could put it together. The team seems more united now that at any time in recent memory. Angelos should still sell the team, but I might actually head up to Ball-mer and catch a game at the Yard, hun! As Brooks used to say, "Go O-wee-Ooos!"






3. Mark Prior was finally diagnosed with something that explains his deterioration since the 2003 playoffs. A torn labrum that was missed for the past 4 years! Fire the Cubs' doctor! Prior is expected to recover from his surgery and be ready to pitch for the 2008 season. He's a free agent after this year. The Nationals should sign him to help open the new stadium next spring. I'd take a questionable Mark Prior over anyone on this years staff, except Shaun Hill.






4. Sammy Sosa is at it again! He's belting homers in Texas and is only 5 dingers from reaching the 600 homerun mark. This might actually help his image and hurt Barry Bonds. Does Sammy look smaller to you?





5. There were reports last Thursday that Curt Schillings bloody sock--the one he wore in the 2004 World Series that we all remember as he pitched the game of his life--was not really bloody after all. A rumor floated out last week that it was paint on the sock, not hemoglobin, which sent Schilling into a tizzy. Orioles announcer Gary Thorne heard someone in the Red Sox locker room talking about the sock before a game and Thorne thought he heard the blood on the sock wasn't real. Thorne went public with what he thought he heard. He has since changed his tune and says he misunderstood what he overheard in the locker room. Good job Gary. Way to get a second source before blurting that one out. At least you are a much better announcer than Michael Reghi!




6. Speaking of Michael Reghi (the former Orioles play-by-play man, he of the bad homerun call and terrible hairpiece) I looked up his bio on Wikipedia so I wouldn't spell his name wrong and I discovered that he was born in, and I quote, "1956 or 1957." Huh? Maybe he doesn't know when he was born. He certainly didn't know how to call a baseball game. "Homerun Jack!" That guy was awful. My dog Harley could call a better game than that doorknob, and she's dumb as a rock and can't talk. Actually, it is an insult to my dog to put her in the same sentence as that tool.







7. Here's hoping that the Justice Department finds evidence of Barry Bonds using steroids, or let's pray Barry's head explodes, or perhaps maybe he could break his leg and have to retire before he hits the homerun that puts him in first place on the all time list ahead of Hank Aaron. I can't believe we have come this far, folks. I hate Barry Bonds. Did I ever say that?





8. How about them Yankees?! Their pitching staff is in tatters, their manager is on the hotseat-- unfairly I might add-- and the Bronx Bombers are in last place in the American League East. They're 2 games behind the Devil Rays, for pete's sake! The Yanks have the third worst record in baseball. The Nats have the same number of wins as the Yanks do, and they were supposed to be terrible! Steinbrenner must be having a cow. Joe Torre, it was a great run. Unless you can pitch, I think your days in New York are done. Which is actually not a bad things. By the way, how is A-Rod doing?





9. As for A-Rod, let me say this once and for all: I don't care how many home runs you hit(14) or how many runs you drive in(34) or how high your batting average is(.360) or if your slugging % is .921 or if you have 4 game-winning hits in the first 25 days of the season. That shit doesn't matter if your team stinks. Sure those stats are nice and now they are the best April numbers ever and stats are stats, no matter what month of the regular season they may come in. But remember... it may count in April, but it only really matters in October. When A-Rod goes O-fer another October, who is going to remember A-Rod's torrid April start? That's if the Yankees even get that far.



Rack Him! Peace out!


All photos courtesy of yahoo.sports

Catching Up

I know it has been quite some time since the last time you have heard from me, my loyal readers, and for that I apologize. Since moving back from the left coast, I have been quite busy, preoccupied with "real-life" scenarios that I have avoided for the past few years, avoided as if they would cause me to contract leprosy. However, here I am, rested, relaxed and ready to type away on all things inconsequential. I missed you all very much, as I hope you missed me.

The Nats

So, the Nats are supposed to lose more games this year than any other Major league Baseball Baseball team in history. Their starting pitching was destined to be the worst rotation in a century; even more pitiful than a little league team of science nerds forced to play ball between science fairs. There was no hope for this season before it started and all of the Washington baseball fans were supposed to be patient and upset with our Nats as the floundered their way into the off season.

Yet, it is only April, the team has won four games and their starting pitching has been much better than any of us thought (except for me, of course). Their offense has shown signs of producing after an anemic start and maybe we can witness a sub-100 loss team this year, much to the chagrin of the so called experts. The Nationals will not break any records this year, especially for futility. 69-93 at the worst, loyal readers. They will not reach the century mark in wins or losses, no matter what. You can thank my lovely fiancee' for the recent winning streak over the weekend. Since Julia came to town, the Nationals won three of four. Can't wait until she moves here in time for next season. Maybe her luck will rub off on the Redskins and the Caps as well.

The Wizards

Jesus, just when it looked good, (as coined and probably trademarked by Tony Kornheiser) the "Curse of Les Boulez" strikes again. First they lose Antawn Jameson at mid season, then Caron Butler for the last month of the season and the first round of the playoffs, and then the "DAGGER!!!" (copywritten by Steve Buckhantz) they lose Gilbert Arenas for the rest of the season, playoffs and the summer. This town can't catch a break. Ernie, We need help!

The Caps

Another season of learning and growing, another season of losing and frustration. Alex Ovechkin and Alexander Semin showed they are special players that could be the center pieces to a good team in the future. Olie Kolzig got hurt and showed how important he really is to this franchise. And the Blackhawks won the NHL Draft Lottery although the had the fifth worst record and the slimmest chance to move up to number one. The Caps of course dropped from number 4 to number 5. The NHL lottery is fixed. The Penguins have won it twice in the last 5 years, and have picked no lower than #5. The Caps might be able to pick a good player if James van Ryms-Dyck (actual name) is still available. For a team that used to have a goalie named Pete Peeters, Van Rims Dyck is the logical pick. Can you imagine if he was on the same line as Semin?

On a sad note, former Cap and 14 year NHL veteran Gaetan Duchesne died suddenly on Monday. He was drafted by the Caps in 1981 and played over 1000 games in the NHL for the Caps, the Nordiques, the Sharks and the Panthers. It was reported he collapsed while working out at the gym. He was 44. Although he was never a super-star, he is perhaps most remembered in this town for being traded to Quebec for Dale Hunter before the 1986-87 season. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family. Gaetan, we hardly knew you.

Cross Country Finale'

I am back in Maryland and it is colder than it has been in three years and it is snowing. Believe it or not, I missed home. I drove into Annapolis around 7:30pm Monday night and now it is Tuesday Night and it is snowing. Believe it or not, this is exactly why I moved home. There is no snow in Petaluma; there are no cold temperatures--unless you count the week I left, when it was near 30 degrees at night, for three weeks! Northern California hadn't seen those temperatures since Gene Autry led that herd thru in '45. (Boy, it was colder than a Republican warming to same-sex marriage; let me tell you!)

My last drive from Huntsville, Alabama to Annapolis was uneventful and actually quite beautiful. The Tennessee River Valley and the Shenandoah Valley are probably one of the most stunning drives I have ever taken--I imagine it is indescribable at the right time of year. That jaunt must be gorgeous during the fall. The drive during winter is pretty boring, I must admit--as was my foray from El Paso, Texas to Markum, Louisiana. (Did I mention that Texas sucks?!)

Anyway, I made it home around 7:30 Monday night and spent Tuesday getting my anchors set. The dogs hated the drive, but seemed happy to not have to get back in the truck again Tuesday. Plus, it started snowing late Tuesday night and the bitches were happy to see and play in snow once again. I was happy to see it, honestly. As crazy as the last year has been for me, a little snow and cold is not so bad. But the Caps lost. So my karma has nothing to do with them. Pity. I thought I would have made a difference.

Hey Boner... You still buying beers at Italia? Just a thought. It's good to be home. But, Damn! It's fucking cold!

Day Four: Whooooaaa Neeelllyyy!

I made it from Vicksburg, MS to Huntsville, Alabama in just under 6 hours Saturday. There is not much to report, really. The south lost the war because it sucks, from what I have seen, and I was very happy to roll into Huntsville around 4pm without any musket-wounds what so ever. This will be the boring blog, in case you hadn't realized that yet. I felt it was my duty to let you know before you read on. You have been warned.

What I do take exception to is the whole "Yankee" label. I can not tell you the number of people from Texas to Alabama who have had the nerve to call me a Yankee. You see, I'm from Southern Maryland, that gray area where the North/South line was originally drawn back in the 17oo's! I understand that some people may be upset that the Confederacy lost the war, but... they are all dead, right? Again, no offense to those noble warriors that fought for what they believed in and their way of life... but they lost, right?!?! Not to dredge up bad memories, but the Civil War ended in 1865. Don't you think it is about time our country got with the program and took that nasty step forward into the 21st Century? I do. And,apparently I am from the South, so I know of what I speak.

But I still think NASCAR sucks... unless Joe Gibbs' team wins, then it is divine retribution.

Days Two and Three: Stuck in the Heartland

I wrote my Day 2 blog last night from Van Horn, TX, but my internet pc card was fluttering in and out of reception and I couldn't save my post, much less surf any porn sites. Texas sucks. So, I got up early this morning (6am) and hit the road. I was 500 miles from Dallas when I left Van Horn, and I hoped to make good time, moving along at an easy and crisp 80 mph clip and get thru Dallas by 1pm, Central Standard Time--including stops.

Of course, that did not happen. It snowed in Northern Texas this morning, barely sticking to the ground and not clinging to the road, not in the least, not at all, no snow-on-road what so ever. Amazingly, schools were delayed, businesses closed and everyone drove like they were 90 year old people in bumper to bumper traffic. I felt like I was back home on the Beltway, except the scenery was ugly, flat and devoid of anything except oil derricks. With the number of derricks pumping away all morning from West Texas to Louisiana that I drove past, I kept wondering why we are paying so much for gas in this country if we have all these oil wells. Endless prairie of pre-historic looking bird-like creatures nodding over and over might give someone the impression that we have a lot of oil in the good ole USA. JR Ewing made money in oil. I know George W. Bush didn't, but still! Perhaps that doesn't make sense, but neither does Texas. Texas sucks.

I passed thru a dozen small towns on my way to Big "D"; a dozen Texas small towns that posted signs for road construction on I 20, yet there was no construction that I ever saw. A few cones and orange markers warning about "Double Fines In Work Zones", or "Road Work next 30 miles", however I never actually saw any evidence of road work. I don't mean that I didn't see any workers (it was snowing, for goodness sake), but I mean I did not see any ripped up pavement, or half built guard rails, no "lane closed" signs. It was all bullshit. No work, no deconstruction, no re-construction. Just a lame excuse to get everyone to slow down to 50 in a 70 mph zone. Texas sucks. (Did I mention that?)

Anyway, I passed by Odessa without even looking for Claire the cheerleader. Screw her, I was on a time schedule. She can take care of herself. Save the World?! I was trying to save my sanity! I have been listening to a book on tape, but I finished 4 hours West of Dallas, so I scanned the radio for anything interesting, which I did not find. Unless you like Rush Limbaugh, G. Gordon Liddy or christian radio--which I do not like anyt of the afore mentioned crap--you are pretty much shit out of luck driving across Texas. I found myself praying for a Dallas radio station, just to catch some sportstalk or good music somewhere, anywhere!... of any sort, of any kind! I finally found a sportstalk station and was thoroughly disappointed. The discussion was about who was more deservingof the Hall of Fame: Art Monk or Michael Irvin. Knowing I was in Dllas, I kept my head and I knew what they would say. I knew I was in enemy territory, but the contempt they had for Monk, the clean and good samiritan that he was, as opposed to... well, Michael Irvin, I mean... come on! Again, I kept it to myself. I was, in fact, in Cowboy land. I tried to keep my bias in check and not let my emotions get the best of me, but when the guys on the radio said Michael Irvin was better than Cris Carter, I lost it. vAre you kidding me? Dallas sportstalk hosts are... Idiots!

Oh, by the way, I found out where courteous drivers turn into bad drivers... It's in Dallas. Driving across West Texas, everyone drove with skill, used the left lane to pass, the right lane to let others pass them and worked together to ensure safety, fluidity and equality. When I got to Dallas, the freeway became a free-for-all! I am no saint as a driver, but I was afraid for my life! I held my bladder for almost three hours just to get to Louisiana and out of the Flake State of Texas. Did I mention that Texas sucks?

So, I am in Vicksburg, Mississippi. The land of... um, who the hell is famous from Mississippi? Oh... Flo the waitress on "Alice", I suppose. Is that good? Not much to see here. Waffle Houses and Popeye's Chicken as far as the eye can see. It took me three motels to find one that would let me bring the dogs. I would have snuck the bitches into the Best Western or the Holiday Inn, but apparently Vicksburg is a happenin' place on a Friday Night. I couldn't get a first floor room in those places. Which wasn't a big deal. I would have made Daisy and Harley sleep in the truck, but I have stuff in the bed of the truck that i didn't want to leave out in the open. Plus, I did not feel like lugging all that shit up to my room on the second floor. So I am staying at the "America's Best Inn". I got a ground floor room and it is within spitting distance (if I chewed Redman!) of a Gas and Sip. And the motel is pretty nice, except for the broken glass in the parking lot and the pubic hair on the toilet seat. But after my 13 hour drive across the not-so-great state of Texas, this place is Nirvana. Did I mention that Texas sucks?

Day One: Petaluma to Blythe

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin'! I'm not in a big rig or a black Trans Am, but my truck is black and I got a couple of dogs in the car, so just call me Bandit. Okay, maybe Snowman.

Well the first day was fairly boring. I left Petaluma around 20 after 1pm and pulled into Blythe, CA at 11pm. I planned a 10 hour first day and shaved off almost 30 minutes. The dogs did fine and I almost drove another two hours to Phoenix, but I didn't. I figured I should play it safe and get some rest. I did nine and a half hours with no problem today, so 12 hours tomorrow should be a breeze. I drove around LA to avoid the traffic and, predictably, I got lost and almost ran out of gas. I drove thru 4 small towns on RT 138 near Lancaster and did not see ONE gas station. Huh? There were a lot of houses and plenty of people, but no stores or gas stations for almost 40 miles. Of course, my cell had no reception as I flirted with disaster. I was sweating there for about 20 miles. Thankfully I stumbled across a Mom and Pop gas station in Elizabeth Lake. It was dark when I turned off I5 to take 138 so I do not know if what I drove by was pretty or not.

So, here I am in Blythe. Its a great town; 18 motels, 10 fast food restaurants and an Indian Casino. I'm staying at the Best Value Inn because all the other motels in town are full. Huh? Huh? I didn't realize this place was so popular. I can't wait to see it during the day. Maybe I will see what all the hub-bub is all about. So far, I'm not impressed. The water that comes out of the sink is tinted brown with what I hope is rust and the pleasant fellow behind the counter at check-in seemed highly annoyed that I came in. Judging by how fat he was I probably interrupted his 11pm ho-ho binge. I usually don't make fun of anyone for being fat or ugly or "special", unless they treat me like shit. Then, as far as I'm concerned, they are fair game. They can make fun of my uni-brow or my stinky feet if they want. I don't care. A smile and have a "good night" would be nice after 10 hours in a pick-up with two dogs that kept floating air-biscuits. Geez...

Tomorrow I will shoot for Odessa, Texas. If you watch the NBC show Heroes, you would know that Claire the cheerleader lives there. I feel compelled to go there. It is my destiny. She is in danger. I need to save her. Save the cheerleader, Save the world. I hope the Best Western there isn't packed. I'd sure like to take a shower with clean, clear water instead of non-brown poop water.

Goin' to Maryland with Two Bitches and A Truck

Welcome to my cross country blog!

In case you loyal readers did not know, I am leaving sunny California to return to the womb... the place I call home... that place of forgiving fortitude... My Maryland. It has been a year of good's and bad's since I packed up and moved West. I love Northern California, but I feel my time here has served its purpose. The good things I will cherish, (hanging with Denny and Sue; getting to now Sue and her family so much more, learning from Jack and hanging with Billy--my brother from another mother--, meeting great people like Steven and Sherri and their wonderful children; writing a manuscript--albeit a crappy one--in hopes that one day it becomes a great book. But let's face it, I'm leaving a place where it just became illegal to put a live person in the trunk of your car and medicinal marijuana is accepted. Not good enough for you? OK... Arnold is in his 2nd term! Huh?)

The most important thing that I discovered here in California was my soul mate. My fiance' Julia is the shining light in my life. If I had not come here, we would have probably never met her. I am lucky and fortunate to have met such a wonderful person, such a sweet human being, such a good person. And I am better for it. Ich liebe dich, meine feine Frau!

Tonight, the 30th of January, 2007, has been an up and down night for me. I think of all of the promise and fortune that I came here to claim, like so many before me. I could be upset that things did not work out the way I hoped they would--working with my Dad and learning from the master... being in a new place where the the sky is the limit. But some things matter more than money and status. I got to see my Dad show how strong of a soul he truly is. I got to see how strong my step-mom really is. I got to know my California family more than I probably ever would have, (Dee, I will never play Dominoes with you because you don't cheat, you are just that good) and you accepted me with open arms, for which I am forever grateful.

The most important... I met my future wife--the ONE I have dreamed of my whole life, the girl everyone told me did not exist, but to my joy she does. I always wanted to live in California and I regret none of it, and my send off was more than I ever could have expected. Thank you all, my friends and loved ones in Petaluma. I will miss you. But fear not, I will be back to bother you before Norv Turner coaches the Cowboys into oblivion. (Drew and Steven, that was for you.)

So, I stand on the verge of my cross-country drive from No-Cal to Annapolis. I hope you all will check my blog each day because I will update each leg of the journey as I make my way across this great and vast country we call the United States of America. If you know me, you will tune in for the things I hate the most or the things that piss me off about driving, or why I hate weird small towns or how shitty the Motel 6's really are from here to DC. I promise it will be well worth the read. (Motel 6, we will call the cops on you!... Ask Me for the story. Its a good one.)

Keep a link to my blog: http://rantinghockeyfan.blogspot.com/ and I assure you there is much more entertainment to follow. For Christ's sake, I'm driving East in a Ford F-150 with two dogs and my computer... let the inappropriate jokes begin!

Things Looking Grimm for Russ

The past few years, Russ Grimm, former Hog and current Offensive line coach of the Steelers, has been mentioned for almost every head coaching vacancy in the NFL. Sadly, Grimm has yet to nab the title of Head Coach for any team. It was thought he was Bill Cowhers obvious successor in Pittsburgh, but with Monday's hiring of Vikings D-coordinator Mike Tomlin as the Head man in Steel City, you have to wonder why Grimm keeps getting passed over.

Grimm was a great lineman in his career, Hall of Famer in many people's eyes, and he has a fine coaching resume. However, since he was not called back for a second interview with the Cardinals--a job that went to Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt--I'm starting to wonder if there might be something wrong with Big Russ. It seemed a given that Grimm would take over when Cowher retired. Suddenly, Grimm finds himself practically out of a job while Mike Tomlin (not to be confused with rag-arm pitcher and former Oriole Mike Timlin) takes over Grimm's hometown Steelers. That doesn't seem fair. But I am biased, so what do I know.

Grimm won three Super Bowels as a player for the Redskins. He got another ring last year with Pittsburgh. When Coach Gibbs came back into football and reportedly wanted Grimm on his staff, the Steelers refused to let Grimm talk to the Redskins. That's how highly they thought of him just three years ago. Now, with the hiring of Tomlin, Grimm most likely will be let go from his contract with Pittsburgh and free to find work elsewhere. Why Grimm seems to have fallen out of favor in the annual search for head coaches is beyond me. Granted, I do not have the contacts or the wisdom to tell you why this keeps happening.

What's next for Grimm? Well, at last count there were still two head coaching vacancies. The Raiders are looking for a head man, but they are every year it seems. Grimm can pick the brains of mentors Norv Turner and Joe Bugel to find out how working in Oakland will play out, which everyone knows is not good. Working for Al Davis is the worst job in sports. Period. Now that Bill Parcells has retired (which I predicted on a previous blog. Hey there's a first time for everything) the Cowboys have a coaching vacancy to fill. (Gag, cough, wretch!) Come on, Grimm grew up a Steelers fan and played for the Redskins. He wouldn't be able to stomach working for Jerry Jones. Working for Jones is the second worst job in sports.

I hope Grimm signs on with the Redskins staff. Come on, its a perfect fit. He knows the city, the fans and what it means to be a Redskin. Plus, I'm sure he can help the Skins offense. Lord knows Grimm would command some respect and show everyone what it means to be a champion. It would be a feel good story. Gibbs can prep Grimm to take over when he retires. The Redskins always could use another coach, eh? What other options does Big Russ have? Work for Al Davis? Hardly. Or coach the Cowboys? I don't think so. If Grimm ends up on the sidelines wearing Silver and Blue then that would signal the End of Days. I suggest everyone rush out to the nearest church and claim Jesus Christ as your personal savior. That way, you will be taken in the Rapture, sparing you from the coming of the Anti-Christ and the sight of the Greatest Hog coaching the Boys in Blue.


Monday Side Note

I read on foxsports.com that the Raiders want Michael Vick. It was reported by Ben Maller that Oakland would send Receivers Randy Moss and Jerry Porter, as well as the 1st overall pick in the 2007 draft for Vick and the Falcons 1st rounder (10th overall). Huh? This begs the question: If Vick didn't have anyone to throw to in Atlanta, who the hell would he throw to in Oakland? Tim Brown retired, didn't he? Typical Raider craziness, my friends. If I were Atlanta, I would be all over that one.

"Agent Zero" is much more than Nil

I am a hockey fan, first and foremost. Baseball and Football are most likely tied for second place, but hockey is no question number one in my heart. I like basketball, don't get me wrong. I don't love it, but I happen to enjoy the game. College basketball, in my opinion, is a better game to watch than the pro game, however I do follow the NBA and enjoy it. I also enjoy watching my hometown Wizards. After a lifetime of heartache and after watching a few Wizards Games this year, I can not say I have ever been more excited and pumped up to watch them play then I am this year. Why you ask? Two words, one person. Gilbert Arenas.

Can Gilbert shoot the rock or what? Eleven times this year he has hit a quarter/half/ or game ending shot. He has hit game winners from 25 feet and out. He has scored 50 points over four times so far, three of those games against the high flying Suns and Steve Nash, another against perennial contender Dallas, and a 64 point performance against the Lakers. There is only one way to make people stand up and take notice of your talent in any sport and that is to beat the best teams in the league by having career nights. This year, Arenas has risen to the occasion and delivered for the beleaguered fans of DC. After all these years of futility, Washington's pro hoops team has a bona-fide star, and not just someone who claims to be among the elite--Chris Webber, I'm talking to you.

Arenas was drafted in the second round by the Warriors. He felt slighted because he believed he was better. When he hit the free-agent market, Arenas had a choice between his hometown Clippers and far away Washington. He couldn't decide, so he did what any logical person would have done. He flipped a coin. He flipped that coin 12 times. Clippers 11, Washington 1. So what did Gilbert do? He signed with the Wizards. Huh? When telling that story, Arenas apparently referred to the fact that he never follows the rules or listens to fate. He listens to his heart.

Well, after getting snubbed for the All-star game a few years ago(which he is a shoo-in for this season) and getting left off the Olympic team in 2006, Agent Zero (which just happens to be Gil's jersey number, a reminder that few believed in his abilities in the past) has responded with by far his best season. He is second in the league in scoring at over thirty points per game, has the aforementioned clutch shots and has four 50 point-plus games under his belt. (That one was against Kobe and the Lakers and he went for 64 only makes his heroics that much sweeter) Arenas now has the Wizards making serious noise in the Eastern Conference, not to mention has given Washington a SuperStar basketballer for the first time since the days of Wes Unseld and Elvin Hayes. Don't agree with me? Then let's handle this like Gilbert would... How about we flip for it?

Caps Continue Growth Spurt

It is worth writing about Your Nations Capitals these days for a plethora of reasons. Their young players are beginning to show signs of maturing into solid, everyday NHL players; they are scoring more on offense and giving up less on defense compared to last year, and Alex Ovechkin is on pace to match, or most likely, better his statistics from last year when he won Rookie of the Year Honors. However, and more importantly, the Caps are worth writing about because they are winning, something that did not happen as much last year as it has been taking place this year.

At the halfway mark this season the Caps have a winning record as of January 9th, 2007, something that did not take place at any point last season. Alex Ovechkin is not their only scoring threat since Alexander Semin and Danius Zubrus have taken the pressure off great number 8. The Caps young defensemen show some not so subtle signs of maturing, not to mention since they added enforcer Donald Brashear in the off-season, they have a lot more muscle to discourage other teams from picking on Ovechkin and the other skill players.

Perhaps all of those factors have led to the performance in goal by stalwart Olie Kolzig as well as back-up Brent Johnson, who have combined to reduce the team's goals against average, and in turn raising their collective save percentage. Good goaltending wins games, and the Caps have received sparkling net-minding so far this year, especially from Godzilla...Olie the Goalie.

Why are the Caps better this year--almost 10 games better compared to last January? I think the main reason is coach Glen Hanlon. He has pushed his club and set the rules; if a guy takes off just one play on one shift, they find their fannies on the bench. Hanlon realizes that the margin for error on this team is so small that some guys may need 27 minutes on the bench to ponder their lack-sa-daisical play--just ask 2nd year D'man Mike Green after he turned the puck over twice on one shift against the Flyers Tuesday night and didn't step foot on the ice again that night. Or just ask Jakub Klepis (TIMMY!!) who has also been benched--and perhaps is on his way back to the minors. A number of times Klepis has been benched for hooking opponents after they beat him on defense leading him to panic and drawing a potentially devastating penalty. Hanlon demands more from his players and they all no it. No one complains in public about being singled out because as a group they know Hanlon is right.

Hanlon is a good coach, perhaps a great one in the making. He has talent, solid veterans and good leaders on his roster. The Caps are mere points out of the playoff picture with just under half a season to go. They have a winning record, Ovechkin is second in the league in scoring, first in goals scored. Their young defensemen are starting to come into their own. Steve Eminger and Shaone Morrisson are showing encouraging signs that they indeed are the pillars on defense the Caps so desperately need but absolutely can not afford to buy in free agency. They are trying to build from within, which in the new salary cap era is practically necessary.

The Caps accomplished a first on Tuesday night by beating the hated Flyers from Philadelphia. This marks the first season in Capitals history that they have swept a season series from the Flyers. I wish I had been at Verizon Center so I could have given the finger to all those Philly fans who took the bus down from up North. I know we only played them four times this year--as opposed to as many as six times per season back in the 70's, 80's and 90's, but a sweep is a sweep. The Capitals, from ownership on down, have pledged to build from the bottom with a foundation to use for years to come. (Maybe the Redskins should look into that.) If you look at the successful teams in pro sports, you will see that building thru the draft and trading for young players almost always results in a successful organization, and sometimes a championship one. Who am I to say anything...but I do like the Caps chances.

Where's the Beech?

Caps Beat Jagr-led Rangers




Your Nations' Capitals beat the New York Rangers Saturday night 3-1, making up for a 5-0 tookus-whipping handed to them Thursday by Carolina, the defending Stanley Cup Champions. Olie Kolzig--Godzilla to us Caps faithful--was stellar in the net, once again. He was a brick wall that the high powered Rangers could not break through. The former Penguin, Jaromir Jagr, didn't solve Zilla and was booed heavily all night by the almost full Verizon Center. The Caps almost played a complete game. They had one defensive lapse. And when you play with a suspect defense--as Redskins fans will tell you--sometimes it doesn't matter how much you score, but how well you defend. The Caps played 57 minutes of fabulous hockey. They out played the Rangers for almost the entire game and secured the much needed win. Things are looking much better on "F" Street than last year.


However, there was one infuriating moment in the game, a moment that Caps fans have seen so many times over the past 10 years. With 1 minute and 51 seconds left to go, the Rangers were on a power play, swarming around the Caps Net. Suddenly, Kolzig gave up a goal, the score reaching 3-1 and ruining Olie's chance at the shut out. AGAIN!!!!
Holy crimony! I can not tell you the number of times that Kolzig has taken a shut out into the last 5 minutes of a game, only to watch it disappear due to defensive breakdowns or unlucky bounces. Kolzig is not the shut out machine that Martin Brodeur is, but Kolzig could have at least a dozen more or shutouts on his resume if he and the Caps could finish a freaking game.

Now, a win is a win. I'll take it. I know a meaningless goal in the waning minutes of a win means nothing. (Okay, if you play fantasy hockey, that one goal the Caps gave up was 65 points off of your total for the night). The Caps were supposed to be terrible this year, and their current record is 7-5-4. I'll take that. (The 4 stands for overtime losses, for all of you readers who don't give a hoot about hockey and have continued to read on anyway. You readers are my favorites, by the way. And I love you.) With their current record and exciting young players, the Caps have a legitimate shot at making the playoffs this year and beyond.

But the lost shutout still frosts my little red wagon. Kolzig is much more than an average goalie. Drafted in the 1989 draft in the first round, it took Kolzig 8 years to finally take over the #1 goaltending job here iin Washington. He hasn't given it up since Bill Ranford got hurt to start the '97 season, and Godzilla has racked up more wins and shut outs than any netminder in Washington Capitals history. Not to mention, he was a huge factor (perhaps the deciding factor) in the Caps run to the Cup Finals in 1998. Many teams around the league would kill for a goalie who gets better when he faces more shots. Despite the suspect defense, Kolzig usually turns in a spectacular performance most evenings.

But, a shutout would be...(sigh). Kolzig has Mike Mussina disease. How many times did Mussina take a shutout, a 1 hitter or no-hitter into the 7th, 8th or 9th inning, only to give up a solo homer, a bloop single or a ground ball with eyes. A lot, trust me! I used to be gay for Mussina more than any other athlete in sports, except for John Druce (which I still am, by the way). I watched 95% of Mussina's starts from '92 until he left for the Yankees. He was oh-so-close so many times. The difference between the two is that Kolzig wanted to stay here in DC and Mussina took the money--not to mention the better chance of winning a title--and headed to the Big Apple. Of course, Mussina didn't get that title. Sorry Mike. Um, actually, No I'm not. Traitor...

Kolzig is probably my favorite Capital, with Brian Sutherby a close second. I love Alex Ovechkin, but I'm a sentimental guy. Kolzig wanted to stay with the Caps when they traded all their high priced players away and started to rebuild. After keeping his team competitive in oh-so-many games last year and seeing what a special player Ovechkin was, he decided to sign a contract extension and stay in Washington. We all know how rare it is in today's sports world for a player to want to start and finish his career in one city. I say Kolzig deserves it. I know most of you would agree. If you don't you should. So many guys leave town for the money and they don't care if the city they leave ever wins a title. Some care so much about their adopted city that they would sacrifice their title hopes to bring one "home". Olie the Goalie is that special player. Now, if we could send him into retirement after he drinks from the Cup, then that would be a story book ending.

Where's the Beech?

The Washington Capitals have many a young player that they hope will translate into a Stanley Cup Championship in the future. Most of those players the Caps acquired thru the draft; some came from trades when the Caps dumped salary after the 2004 season in an effort to build from the ground up. Very few were signed as free-agents, althought the ones signed--like current Captain Chris Calrk and winger Ben Clymer--have been solid and integral parts of this teams maturation process. One player on the current roster actually has the distinction of being acquired by two out of the three mentioned above. Center Kris Beech was drafted, then traded, then traded for by the Caps in about a 5 year period.

Beech was drafted 7th overall by the Caps in the 1st round in 2000. He was supposed to be the next great Caps center. However, in a brain fart reserved for Isiah Thomas, Caps GM George Mcphee then traded Beech in a package deal that brought the former Penguin Jaromir Jagr to DC before the start of the 2001 season. Beech never broke into the Penguins lineup and was traded to Nashville. Last spring, the Caps reacquired Beech when they traded disgruntled defensemen Brenden Witt to the Nashville Predators, also receiving a first round pick in the process. Whew! Did you follow all that?


Beech was supposed to be the next great center for the Caps. He had size, he had skill and he could score. If he didn't score, he set up his teammates. But, when the Caps realized Jagr could be theirs, they jumped at the chance. Beech was part of a three player package dealt for the former Penguin. Since that trade, Beech has spent most of his time in the minors, seemingly unable to crack an NHL roster. It looked like the Caps stole Jagr for nothing. The other two guys in that trade (Michel Sivek and a guy I can not recall, nor can anyone else) are currently not in the league and have fallen off the radar altogether.


But Beech played solid hockey with the Caps last year. He ended the season in Hershey with the Caps minor league affiliate which won the AHL Memorial Cup last spring. This year, Beech might have been an after thought. However, he and Russian phenom Alexander Semin clicked in spring training and they opened the season together, on the Caps second line. Beech played good hockey. Semin scored 8 goals in 7 games. Beech was the Caps top face-off man thru the first 9 games and assisted on 4 of Semin's goals. It looked like that Beech had finally found his grove and was realizing his potential... with his original club after being a throw in in the Witt trade. Wow! That is unbelievable luck! How often do teams give up on a guy and get him back by accident and see him mature into the player evaryone hoped he could become? Except, there is one problem: Beech has ridden the Capitals bench for the last 10 games. A healthy scratch. No explanation. No injury reported. Just a spectator. Curious.


I do not know if it is just a coincidence, but Semin hasn't scored a goal since Beech was benched. The Caps haven't played any worse without Kris in the line-up, but it makes you wonder if they couldn't have pulled out another win or two with Beech on the ice, setting up Semin like he did for the first few games in '06, instead of being "Stat Boy" in the press box.


Now I've read the message boards and searched for answers myself, but there are none to be found. (I'm sure many of you are shocked to hear that I don't have a source deep inside the Caos organization, I'm working on it.) Caps coach Glen Hanlon denies Beech's demotion was for any other reason than to give some younger guys like Jakub Klepis and Tomas Fleichmann extended looks with the parents club. The Caps traded some big name players for a a few of their current prospects and I understand that the Caps want to see what those young-uns can do. With the Caps winning more than last year at this point, even with Beech watching from the press box, how can you blame them?

There are lots of ideas and thoughts out there, but here are mine:

1. The Caps know what they have with Beech. He's 24, he plays solid offense, is great on the face-off and plays above average defense. The other guys are younger with, perhaps, more upside and the Caps want to see how far away these other guys are from becoming NHL players. Other clubs may take notice as well.

2. The Caps might be ready to accelerate their rebuilding plan and want to showcase their talent in the hopes they can land a stud defensemen for some of their younger talent. Ed Jovanowski of the pitiful Phoenix Coyotes comes to mind. Jovo-Cop would be a huge addition to Washingtons' D-corps and might go a long way to solidifying the Caps pourous "D".

3. Beech could have ruffled the wrong feathers and earned himself a benching. I doubt this, since he still has minor league options and talks the talk about team and not the individual. Or he is hurt, and the Caps aren't acknowledging it, which is their normal routine when in comes to injuries.

My prediction is that the Caps trade for a top-flight "D" man, and Beech could be a part of that package. I hope not. Klepis, although fast and talented, has not played with the same reliability as Beech did in his first ten games. Fleichmann lights up the minors, but has yet to transfer that scoring to the NHL level. All three are approximately the same age, 24, 22, and 23, respectively. Plus, the Caps have loads of talent in the minors, extra draft picks from past trades and last years first round pick, Swedish center Niklas Backstrom--who at last count was leading the Swedish league in scoring as an 18 year old--waiting in the wings. Beech deserves more than just one more look. I think he has earned it.

Backstrom most likely will be with the Caps next season, skipping the minors and centering a line with either Ovechkin or Semin. What the Caps need now, and in the future, is defense. They have some potentially great offensive gems playing in their system right now, but they are lacking on defense. Their plan was to build over the next few years with young players and draft picks. But, if they continue to hover around .500 and have a chance to upgrade their defense substantially now, some of those young guys might just be the gunpowder in a huge trade for a quality defensemen or two. They can hope that some of the other minor leaguers canfill the roster vacancies created by the departure of aging vets via free agency after this year and the trading some of the young guys who may or may not realize their potential before they are worth nothing.

So, if Kris beech gets traded, we better get some good defenseman in return. Beech's journey to this point has been a whirlwind trip, and there may not be a spot for him on the roster next year. But with Semin's slump and the plethora of young studs in the minors, I say play Beech and see what happens. I'm in the tank for Beech. Hopefully, the Caps are to.

Riddle me this...Riddle me that...

Michael Nylander was named as the "Third Star" on nhl.com for his performance against the Caps on Saturday. Nylander scored a meaningless powerplay goal with less than two minutes left in a game the Caps won 3 to 1. Why?! Olie Kolzig stopped 41 shots during the game. Not to mention, the Caps Boyd Gordon scored his first goal in three years plus assisted on the Caps 3rd goal. Tomas Vokoun of the Nashville Predaotors pitched a shutout in his game and... oh. Scratch that. nhl.com didn't update thier website until after 2am west coast time. I thought things were didfferent here on the west coast. I thought they would would post that stuff by 1am East Coast time. Guess i was wrong. Forget it.



all photos courtesey of Yahoo! sports

So many moments to Cherish

There are so many things I can write about today when it comes to Washington Sports. I could write about your Nations Capitals' respectable start. I could write about how the Caps beat the lowly Flyers on Saturday to end an 8 year winless drought in The City of Brotherly Shove. It is news worthy, for some of us anyway, since the Broad Street Bullies were suppsosed to be good this year and your Nations Capitals were supposed to stink.

Or, perhaps, I could write about how the Maryland Terrapins have climbed into the top 25 in the nation after their last second win on Saturday. Certainly worthy of a good article, with the new powerhouses in the ACC and the incredible job Coach "Fridge" has done for the Terps.

How about the Redskins improbable win on Sunday against the Tuna and the hated Cowboys? Arguably one of the craziest Skins/Boys game in history. Or how Nick Novak may have finally begun his professional career in the NFL with the rare "Do-Over" that transpired Sunday at FedexField? Worthy of the front page? I certainly think so.

Of course, I'm sure most of you expect me to write about the turn-around the Redskins are about to pull off and go 9-0 to finish the season and win the NFC East, on their way to their fourth Super Bowl Championship under the second coming of Lombardi, Coach Joe Gibbs.

I would write about all of those things after any other given Sunday, but instead I think it is my responsibility to write about what really is important, yet another sign of the coming Apocalypse... And that would be the sight of Bill Parcells seeking out his arch-nemesis Joe Gibbs after the another game to add to the weird file in the Redskins/Cowboys Rivalry, possibly the strangest game I have ever witnessed in my 33 years here on the third rock from the sun.

Parcells actually smiled and shook Gibbs' hand after Novak hit the winner with no time left. He shook his head and smiled! Things are weird in the world today, as we all know. But the Tuna smiling after a loss? To borrow from the Sicilian in the Princess Bride, "Inconceivable!"

Parcells seems to be finally enjoying the game of football, with all of its quirks and twists and turns. The Tuna of the Giants Era would never have sought out Gibbs after a loss. He usually just ran off the field and, in his news conference, called some of his players "girls" or losers, showing his anger and frustration. Even after wins, Parcells never smiled. He was always angry--he always looked upset. Not on Sunday; he just ran across the field , smiled and kind of acknowledged the obvious, which in the eyes of a 'Skins fan was, "What the hell just took place?"

Last week, the Tuna slapped Tony Romo on the ass after the Cowboys beat the Panthers. Huh? Before that, he grabbed Totally Obnoxious by the hat and gave it a twist...with a smile! Huh...HUH? What is going on with Parcells? The Tuna is good friends with Bobby Knight. He is old school. Win or lose, Parcells always finds something to be upset about. The only times I've ever seen him smile was when he got the Gatorade dumped on his back in 86 and 90. Is the end near? Is Parcells enjoying his time now because this is his farewell tour, and he just isn't telling us? If he smacks Totally Obnoxious on the ass in the next few weeks, I think that would say it all.

John's Rumors and Predictions

Today is the debut of the newest feature I have come up with. These are rumors and predictions that I have heard, that I would like to see happen, or have made up completely. This was fun, so expect to see it again.

-T.J. Ducket will take over as the feature back in the Redskins offense (after Clinton Portis, Rock Cartwright and Ladell Betts all come down with the avian flu) and will run for 327 yards against the Eagles . That will extend the Skins winning streak to 2, on their way to just missing the playoffs by seasons end. Ducketts performance will end up costing the Redskins the conditional 1st rounder that was part of the trade that brought TJ to town. (Look it up! A third rounder and conditional 1st. Worst trade in Redskins history, barely edging out the Sean Gilbert debacle.)

-Nick Novak, former Maryland kicker and all time leading scorer in ACC history after a shaky beginning to his college career, will go on to win four more crucial games for the Redskins, on his way to becoming the all-time leading scorer in NFL history.

-The Washington Nationals will hire Don Baylor as their new manager by next week, bringing on board the teaching and players' manager that Joe Girardi wishes he could be.

-The Washington Wizards will trade Brendan Haywood to the National Heart foundation for a healthy heart that will average 20 minutes, 7 points, 6 rebounds and 2 blocks for the Wizards this season.

-Brendan Haywood will be released from the National Heart Foundation for not having a heart.

-Bill Parcells will slap his big ass (wide out Terrell Owens) and immediately retire from football when the Cowboys lose their final game. The loss will be a direct result of losing quarterback Tony Romo when Romo breaks his throwing arm after getting in an altercation with former Wizards center Brendan Haywood when Haywood's agent calls Romo a Homo.

-The Washington Capitals will trade three young prospects (I say Tomas Fleischmann, Brooks Laich and Hershey defenseman Jeff Schultz) to the Phoenix Coyotes for stud D man Ed Jovanowski. Phoenix is a mess, and unless they start winning, they will dump salary, handing the Caps the much needed blueline Stud they so desperately need.

-The Diving Whiner (Penguins star Sidney Crosby) and his resurgent Penguins get the new arena deal they have sought for years, keeping the Pens in Pittsburgh. (I said it before and I will say it again, the NHL fixed the draft lottery to ensure the Pens were able to draft Crosby, rookie phenom Evgeny Malkin, and Jordan Staal--former member of the New Kids On The Block-- and Ray Whitney so they wouldn't lose the Pittsburgh market.)

-The New York Rangers, off to a slow start, are finally seeing the effects that the former Penguin Jaromir Jagr has on his team when he is around for more than a year. Like I predicted, Jagr and the Rangers choked in the first round of last years playoffs. This years Ranger prediction? A 6th place finish, only because of Brendan Shanahan, and another early exit come April. Jagr likes golf, and we all know how good the weather turns come mid-April.

-Tiger Woods will bitch-slap new Ryder-cup captain Paul Azinger at his first practice for questioning his desire to win and leadership skills.

-The Washington Capitals winger, Alexander Semin is having problems scoring after tallying 8 goals in his first 5 games. Look for Semin to explode in the coming games.

-Look for Your Nations Capitals to make the playoffs, beat the Penguins and the Diving Whiner in the first round before losing in the 2nd round in 7 games.

-Finally, I predict the San Jose Sharks will win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Buffalo Sabres in six games, bringing the first Stanley Cup Championship to the great state of California.

Here's to the American People, who went to the polls on Tuesday and took back our our government from the oil companies. We sent a message to the Bush Administration that we want change and we want it now before the "Rapture" takes Bush and his advisers away before we can indict them.

All photos courtesy of Yahoo! Sports

Brad Saves the World

I read something on yahoo.com the other day so incredulous and un-nerving that I actually grabbed my rosary and said a few Hail Mary's. Then after a few Bloody Mary's, I was able to sit and write this down. Please excuse my slurred speech, but urgent news takes precedent over a drunken Irish-American.

Brad Pitt announced to the world the other day that unless all people, gay or straight, are allowed to marry whomever they want--same sex or the opposite sex--then he would never marry Angelina Jolie. What?!?! Brad, please... No! The whole world wouldn't be able to handle Brangelina living in sin! Wars have been waged over lesser things. Don't leave the world on the brink of Armageddon, I beg you!

Think about this; Brad left Jennifer Aniston to be with Jolie. Obviously, Aniston must be nuttier than a fruit-cake for Pitt to dump her! Maybe Brad wanted someone less selfish. Someone who adopts orphaned Asian children to give them a better life; someone who is a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations; someone who wore Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck. You know, someone normal.

The world stood up and took notice when Brad and Angelina hooked up during the shooting of their film Mr and Mrs. Smith. We scoured the tabloids to see when the wedding would take place, didn't we? We broke out our best clothes so we could flock to the church and give them our warmest wishes. Women wanted to cry over the loss of the bachelor-Pitt and see what exotic crap Jolie would wear. (Guys would go strictly to see if Angelina's tits are really that big.) Of course we did all that! You know why? Because our lives suck. Life doesn't give us low-lifes any happiness. Therefore, we must live thru so-so actors and their domestic exploits.

Brad and Angelina became an overnight Michael Jackson and Lisa-Marie...perfect for each other and perfect for us, the American People, because they were...fucked-up! Just Like ourselves! What better way to make ourselves feel better than to watch two weirdos cause such a fervor that normal people put down their copies of War and Remembrance, Anna Corrinana and Harry Potter and the Dubiously Capitalistic Author and pick up the last 97 issues of The National Enquirer?! Only Brad Pitt can tease such an audience. (Well, and maybe George Clooney)

But, to our dismay, nothing was ever in the tabloids about these two love birds. Rumor has it the couple had a baby, but since there wasn't a single word or picture in the National Enquirer, I'm not sure that that piece of gossip is actually true. Surely, such a fine, upstanding Hollywood couple would wait until wed-lock to consummate their relationship. (Don't they all?)

Seriously, I don't think Angelina ever wanted to marry Mr. Pitt. She is all about the unattainable...the chase. Brad finally realized that. (I guess D-cups blind a man for an undetermined amount of time.) He got out of a relationship with a woman (Aniston)--who is apparently crazier than a recovering alcoholic working in a Jagrmeister distillery--and now realizes he he has no shot at wedding the wholesome Angelina.

Pitt's defense of gay-marriage is well-meant, but severely flawed. I think he is using that as a way to save face and put a "The Government Ruined My Nuptials with Jolie because the Government won't let Gay People Marry Gay People" spin on it. Nice try. But, come on, there has to be a better way. I am for Gay marriage. I think people who love each other and are able to teach their kids right from wrong and raise them to be good people should be able to marry anyone they want. A stable home life, whether with a mom and dad or with a mom and mom or a dad and a dad, is worth much more than a life with parents who don't love each other and make each other pay for it by putting their kids in the middle of every ridiculous argument.

I am glad Pitt used a social topic that would grab attention, like gay marriage. Unfortunately, I think he is barking up the wrong hole. He needs to find those heads-of state whose heads are far down those oils wells, and try to get something more acceptable passed. I'm afraid the current administration and the religious right could care less about him and his hemoglobin-necklaced bride to be, and attacking them on gay marriage will just fall on deaf ears. Now, if he had said pull the troops out of an un-just war in Iraq and give the prisoners in Guantonomo Bay a right to due process...well, maybe some of us would have something different to say. Put those on trial who committed atrocities against their fellow man and let the courts decide thier fate. Then, gay marriage would seem so much less of a hot button issue in the grand scheme of the universe, now wouldn't it.

Maui Wowee

For the past week, Julia and I have been on the beautiful island of Maui, one of the Hawaiian Islands for those of you who never paid attention in history class. If you have never been, its amazing here. Hawaii is certainly not overrated, with crystal clear, blue green water and lush tropical vegetation. It is, quite literally, an Island Paradise.

I jumped off this waterfall a few times (although my friend Steven--standing on top of the falls in this picture-- dove and looked much more graceful than my fat-ass), and the drive from Wailea to Hana was perhaps the most beautiful drive I have ever taken. The only problem was the one lane road and the morons driving in front of us. They had to have been from the great state of Pennsylvania.

The water is incredible. I've never seen anything so blue! The waves are big, although it is summer now, so they get 4x bigger in the winter. I just could not imagine... they seem pretty big to me now. If you want my advice, take the drive to Hana if you come here and see the Hawaii you hear about and see in the movies.

The hotel had a great corral reef right of the beach. Every evening the sun set behind the Island of Lanai to the West... spectacular! I took pictures of sunset almost everyday at dusk. Not to mention pictures of the scuba-meca of little Molokini just to the south. Everywhere I've been, there has been something awe-inspiring. At this rate, I should be a professional photographer in a few months.

But, there is one thing that leaves a blemish, although a small one; all of the abandon cars on the side of the roads. You can't drive 15 minutes in any direction with out passing a rusted or burned-out wreck. Most were covered with graffiti and all of them were missing their rear-wheels. Seriously, we must have passed 10 junkers on the 52 mile drive to Hana. But, there was a silver-lining. Not only did the beauty of the island and the sites along the way make up for abandon autos...

...someone abandoned their old, dirty volvo. An island paradise, beautiful scenery, crystal-clear water, and plenty of places to dump your used volvo. What more could you ask for?

The End of the Summer Doldrums

Its mid-August, loyal readers, and it has been quite a summer. It has been a summer of highs and lows; good and bad. Actually, it's been one crazy roller coaster after another. My stomach is a mess! But, I think things happen for a reason. I think you deal with what life throws at you the best you can and the rewards come when you least expect it. If you couldn't handle it, god wouldn't put you thru it, you know?

The weather is great here in Northern California, and things are calming back down. After such a trying summer, I can not think of a better time to start ranting again about all the things that I treasure so dearly; like how I finally bit the bullet and signed up for a fantasy football league. Or how I get to go to Hawaii for the first time, or how the NFL regular season is just around the corner. That's when I get to root-root-root for my Beloved Redskins yet again!

That's right, everyone, football season is just around the corner. Training camps are in full swing, players and coaches are refining their systems, preseason games have already begun... and big name players are already falling by the wayside. Clinton Portis, Curtis Martin, Terrell Owens and Steve Smith all have injuries that may threaten to keep them out the beginning of the season.

Not to mention all the players getting arrested or suspended. The Browns center Alonzo Ephraim was suspended for 4 games for violating the leagues drug policy. Vikings receiver Koren Robinson was arrested for Driving While Intoxicated after he refused to pull over when police clocked him doing 100 mph. (Robinson had similar problems in Seattle that threatened his career. Seems like they didn't clear up the way the Vikings had hoped.) Not to mention all of the Bengals who have been locked up over the summer. Looks like the police and doctors are going to busy again this year, huh?

Now that the usual shenanigans are underway, I do have one gripe. Why the hell is no one mentioning the Redskins as a favorite to go deep into the playoffs? Seriously! This year they have better depth, a better offensive coordinator, no LaVar distraction and two speedy receivers to complement an offense that already has Chris Cooley, Clinton Portis and Santana Moss--the latter two who set single-season Redskin records in yards for a running back and receiver, respectively. Mark Brunell has seen better days, but with more weapons to throw to and Cooley as his safety valve, I think this year's version of the Redskins will have a much more potent offense, will put up more points than last year and their defense will shut people down. I'm not necessarily saying Super Bowl, but they will go further than last year. Mark my words. (If you know me, my record as a prognosticator is about as reliable as a Norv Turner-coached team facing a must win game. Bet at your own risk.)

With pre-season football now in full swing, it can only mean one thing... Hockey training camp starts in 6 weeks! Hallelujah!! Can't everyone feel the excitement? Haven't you all been as miserable as I've been since the Caps failed to make the playoffs and the Sharks lost to the Oilers in the first round? Does your heart ache and mind wander in this hockeyless void we fans call summer? Do any of you even know what I'm talking about? How many of you actually know which cities the three teams I just mentioned play their home games? If you don't know at least one city, then you will have to deal with God's wrath on your own. I won't help you... Pitiful.

I can't wait to see The Big O this year and I wonder what he will do to makes us jump out of our seats this winter. I can not wait to see if your Nation's Capitals are any better this year after finishing much better than they began. I wonder if Carolina can repeat as Cup champs? I wonder if Joe Thornton will shrug off the playoff curse and take the Sharks deep into the playoffs. I wonder how long it will take Jaromir Jagr to start bitching and moaning this year?


(Remember last year? I said after the Rangers started the season on a torrid pace that it was only a matter of time before they collapsed and Jagr would start to whine and pout. Well, the Boys in Blue fell apart in the second half, lost in the first round of the playoffs and the former-Penguin defended himself by pointing out he finished second in the regular season in points and goals. He didn't have much to show for in the playoffs when it counted, however. I give him until late January before he starts moaning about his coach, his teammates or both. And that's giving him more time than I actually believe it will take.)

Useless Rants

• Kudos to the Washington Nationals top-brass for not trading Alfonso Soriano at the trade deadline. I understand the temptation to trade your best player for young talent in an effort to build for the future, but except for one incident in Spring Training--when Soriano refused to play left field in a meaningless exhibition game--Number 12 has been the Nationals best player. He is on pace for 40 steals, a .290 average and he has a shot to be the first Washington baseball player to hit 50 homeruns. Ever. The fans love him, his teammates love him and he insists that he wants to stay in the city. The front-office needs to sign him in the off-season before he hits the open market as a free-agent. That way, they can keep fannies in the seats, attract a better class of free agents and sell tickets to that new stadium that the city and baseball are still squabbling over. If they can't re-sign Soriano, the two-first round picks they would receive for him signing elsewhere would still bolster the Nats depleted farm system. Seems like a win-win situation to me.
  
• Its mid-August, and Terrell Owens is already making waves. He's hurt right now (pulled hamstring); he says he has let go of the past--yet still keeps ripping Eagles QB Donovan McNabb, Eagles head coach Andy Reid and the Eagles whenever he does an interview; and Coach Parcells is starting to get pissy about all the hub-bub over his temperamental wide-out. Hey, Tuna! How bad do you think it's gonna be when T.O. starts complaining on the sidelines and after games about what a jerk you are and how he needs the ball more? You thought ME-Shawn was a handful... Just wait until you get a load of T.O., which you loyal readers will remember stands for "Totally Obnoxious".
  
  
• Its August, like I said before, and I see things have returned to normal in Red Sox Nation. After leading the AL East for most of the year, the Red Sox currently sit second behind (SURPRISE!) the surging New York Yankees. This has happened every year since 1918. Except, of course, for the 2004 season, which we all now know was a hiccup in the normal tradition of the Boston Red Sox. I wish it were not true, but I'm afraid it is. Damn Yankees.
  
• Isiah Thomas fired Larry Brown (the coach who has won everywhere he coached, even when he was with the Clippers, for god's sake!) after last year because the Knicks were terrible. How could a team with Eddie Curry (bad heart), Stephon Marbury (no heart), and Stevie Francis (no brain) ever lose? To fix the problem, Thomas signed Jared Jeffries away from the Wizards. Last time I looked, Jeffries was a good defender but couldn't make a lay-up to save a season. Who's letting Isiah run the show in the Big Apple anyway? Someone needs their head checked. Isiah Thomas has a track record: as a player, he was great. As a GM, he stinks. I don't mean "not good" stinks, I mean "raw sewage, septic tank uncleaned for 20 years" stink. And believe me, I now what that smells like.
  

Summer's Here and the Time is Right...

Well, I finally have had things here in California settle down a bit and it looks like I will be back to my once a week-useless-rantings very soon. Moving your life across the country is extremely taxing on the body and mind. Whew!

I'll keep this update short, for I have only a little time to chat at the moment. Work is going well. The work on my house is finished (...for the moment. There is a phase 2 that is in the planning stages. More on that later.)
and I have moved in, much to the delight of my father who finally got his office back! It was a nice project to start with; I worked with our subs, changed gears from the retired mindset, left the pizza-making mindset behind and am back in the construction life. I will post before during and after pictures soon of the work we did on my abode later this week.

We started work on the "Villa on the Mountain" last week. I will be posting pictures and keeping you all up to date as things progress. The place has loads of potetial. It is a virtual empty canvas. I can't wait to get things rolling.

As for me personally, I've met some new friends, explored a lot and... well, here's a picture that sums up how I am holding up here in Northern California. Life is good!

Going Back To Cali

Ok, I made it to California. What a trip, dude!!! I'm still in flux and I want to tell all of you about our trip, but I need to get some things together. I expect to be back posting once a week or more in a week or two, but you know me! Ryan and I had a blast! Brian Brian Fox is doing well. His lovely wife Jen and their adorable daughter Anderson seem to put up with him very well. We hit many states and took a crap-load of pictures, but Ryan hasn't gotten off his rear-end yet, so my picture show is, as of now, incomplete. That's my fault. His camera was better, so he took more picturess than I did. Stay tuned for the complete trip collage (that's french, so you know) and I will recap all the places and people that we visited. I won't leave anyone out, except for the dealer in Vegas who made fun of my drunk-ass and took all my chips.

Hope you all are well and I will be in touch soon. Hope the weather back East is better than here. Its 68, partly cloudy and no humidity. How is it there?

And now for Sports:

I went to San Jose with my brother Billy last Sunday to see the Sharks against the Avalanche and I learned one thing: The hottest women in any sport's-market go to hockey games. Holy Moly! Not to mention that the place was packed and Joe Thornton is the Man! Even though the Rink is one and a half hours from my house, it was well worth the trip...even if you include the parking ticket I got for parking illegally. It was for $51.00 dollars. Not $50.00, but $51.00. 'Cause that dollar makes a huge difference, right?

Anyway, the Sharks won, I saw Joe Sakic and Alex Tanguay, Joe Thornton and Jonathon Cheechoo play (Cheech, to the locals) and we had a blast. Hockey does exist here, in its distinctive form, so I'm pretty happy. I miss my Caps, but once I get the Direct TV package, I'll be able to over-load on Hockey more than ever! That's my heroin, people...just less harmful.

How 'Bout Them Cowboys?!

So, the Cowboys cut Keyshawn Johnson so they could sign Terrell Owens? Talk about cutting off your johnson to get another dick... I can't say I'm surprised. Jerry Jones has usually signed the biggest assholes in the league since he bought the team: Jimmie Johnson, Barry Switzer, Michael Irvin, Deion Sanders... All the more reason to hate the Cowboys, I say. This a match made in heaven. Did you all know that T.O. stands for "Totally Obnoxious"? Seems to me that the only place better for T.O. to play other than Philly, would be Dallas. Although, he could have probably made it in New York. Go Skins!

The "No's":

I had a whole thing planned out to write about the Washington Nationals on my trip across the continent. How they didn't have a stadium; how they didn't have an owner; how even their name was tied up in court over copyright infringement! Hell, throw in Alfonso Soriano's refusal to play left field instead of second base--where he is only the worst fielding second baseman in the past 50 years--and I thought I had a case to rename the team the "No's"; No owner, no stadium, no name. Unfortunately, the stadium deal got done, the team name-dispute got settled out of court, and Soriano has a greed to play left field all season. I had a joke 9 days ago, but I'm to late to get the laughs. Story of my life. Baseball should name an owner so this Kangeroo B.S. finally ends, right Nat Fans'!?

As always, I love you all. Keep it real, but not too real. My story of the trip is coming soon. Peace out, dawgs!