Days Two and Three: Stuck in the Heartland

I wrote my Day 2 blog last night from Van Horn, TX, but my internet pc card was fluttering in and out of reception and I couldn't save my post, much less surf any porn sites. Texas sucks. So, I got up early this morning (6am) and hit the road. I was 500 miles from Dallas when I left Van Horn, and I hoped to make good time, moving along at an easy and crisp 80 mph clip and get thru Dallas by 1pm, Central Standard Time--including stops.

Of course, that did not happen. It snowed in Northern Texas this morning, barely sticking to the ground and not clinging to the road, not in the least, not at all, no snow-on-road what so ever. Amazingly, schools were delayed, businesses closed and everyone drove like they were 90 year old people in bumper to bumper traffic. I felt like I was back home on the Beltway, except the scenery was ugly, flat and devoid of anything except oil derricks. With the number of derricks pumping away all morning from West Texas to Louisiana that I drove past, I kept wondering why we are paying so much for gas in this country if we have all these oil wells. Endless prairie of pre-historic looking bird-like creatures nodding over and over might give someone the impression that we have a lot of oil in the good ole USA. JR Ewing made money in oil. I know George W. Bush didn't, but still! Perhaps that doesn't make sense, but neither does Texas. Texas sucks.

I passed thru a dozen small towns on my way to Big "D"; a dozen Texas small towns that posted signs for road construction on I 20, yet there was no construction that I ever saw. A few cones and orange markers warning about "Double Fines In Work Zones", or "Road Work next 30 miles", however I never actually saw any evidence of road work. I don't mean that I didn't see any workers (it was snowing, for goodness sake), but I mean I did not see any ripped up pavement, or half built guard rails, no "lane closed" signs. It was all bullshit. No work, no deconstruction, no re-construction. Just a lame excuse to get everyone to slow down to 50 in a 70 mph zone. Texas sucks. (Did I mention that?)

Anyway, I passed by Odessa without even looking for Claire the cheerleader. Screw her, I was on a time schedule. She can take care of herself. Save the World?! I was trying to save my sanity! I have been listening to a book on tape, but I finished 4 hours West of Dallas, so I scanned the radio for anything interesting, which I did not find. Unless you like Rush Limbaugh, G. Gordon Liddy or christian radio--which I do not like anyt of the afore mentioned crap--you are pretty much shit out of luck driving across Texas. I found myself praying for a Dallas radio station, just to catch some sportstalk or good music somewhere, anywhere!... of any sort, of any kind! I finally found a sportstalk station and was thoroughly disappointed. The discussion was about who was more deservingof the Hall of Fame: Art Monk or Michael Irvin. Knowing I was in Dllas, I kept my head and I knew what they would say. I knew I was in enemy territory, but the contempt they had for Monk, the clean and good samiritan that he was, as opposed to... well, Michael Irvin, I mean... come on! Again, I kept it to myself. I was, in fact, in Cowboy land. I tried to keep my bias in check and not let my emotions get the best of me, but when the guys on the radio said Michael Irvin was better than Cris Carter, I lost it. vAre you kidding me? Dallas sportstalk hosts are... Idiots!

Oh, by the way, I found out where courteous drivers turn into bad drivers... It's in Dallas. Driving across West Texas, everyone drove with skill, used the left lane to pass, the right lane to let others pass them and worked together to ensure safety, fluidity and equality. When I got to Dallas, the freeway became a free-for-all! I am no saint as a driver, but I was afraid for my life! I held my bladder for almost three hours just to get to Louisiana and out of the Flake State of Texas. Did I mention that Texas sucks?

So, I am in Vicksburg, Mississippi. The land of... um, who the hell is famous from Mississippi? Oh... Flo the waitress on "Alice", I suppose. Is that good? Not much to see here. Waffle Houses and Popeye's Chicken as far as the eye can see. It took me three motels to find one that would let me bring the dogs. I would have snuck the bitches into the Best Western or the Holiday Inn, but apparently Vicksburg is a happenin' place on a Friday Night. I couldn't get a first floor room in those places. Which wasn't a big deal. I would have made Daisy and Harley sleep in the truck, but I have stuff in the bed of the truck that i didn't want to leave out in the open. Plus, I did not feel like lugging all that shit up to my room on the second floor. So I am staying at the "America's Best Inn". I got a ground floor room and it is within spitting distance (if I chewed Redman!) of a Gas and Sip. And the motel is pretty nice, except for the broken glass in the parking lot and the pubic hair on the toilet seat. But after my 13 hour drive across the not-so-great state of Texas, this place is Nirvana. Did I mention that Texas sucks?