There are so many things I can write about today when it comes to Washington Sports. I could write about your Nations Capitals' respectable start. I could write about how the Caps beat the lowly Flyers on Saturday to end an 8 year winless drought in The City of Brotherly Shove. It is news worthy, for some of us anyway, since the Broad Street Bullies were suppsosed to be good this year and your Nations Capitals were supposed to stink.
Or, perhaps, I could write about how the Maryland Terrapins have climbed into the top 25 in the nation after their last second win on Saturday. Certainly worthy of a good article, with the new powerhouses in the ACC and the incredible job Coach "Fridge" has done for the Ter
ps.
How about the Redskins improbable win on Sunday against the Tuna and the hated Cowboys? Arguably one of the craziest Skins/Boys game in history. Or how Nick Novak may have finally begun his professional career in the NFL with the rare "Do-Over" that transpired Sunday at FedexField? Worthy of the front page? I certainly think so.
Of course, I'm sure most of you expect me to write about the turn-around the Redskins are about to pull off and go 9-0 to finish the season and win the NFC East, on their way to their fourth Super Bowl Championship under the second coming of Lombardi, Coach Joe Gibbs.
I would write about all of those things after any other given Sunday, but instead I think it is my responsibility to write about what really is important, yet another sign of the coming Apocalypse... And that would be the sight of Bill Parcells seeking out his arch-nemesis Joe Gibbs after the another game to add to the weird file in the Redskins/Cowboys Rivalry, possibly the strangest game I have ever witnessed in my 33 years here on the third rock from the sun.
Parcells actually smiled and shook Gibbs' hand after Novak hit the winner with no time left. He shook his head and smiled! Things are weird in 
the world today, as we all know. But the Tuna smiling after a loss? To borrow from the Sicilian in the Princess Bride, "Inconceivable!"
Parcells seems to be finally enjoying the game of football, with all of its quirks and twists and turns. The Tuna of the Giants Era would never have sought out Gibbs after a loss. He usually just ran off the field and, in his news conference, called some of his players "girls" or losers, showing his anger and frustration. Even after wins, Parcells never smiled. He was always angry--he always looked upset. Not on Sunday; he just ran across the field , smiled and kind of acknowledged the obvious, which in the eyes of a 'Skins fan was, "What the hell just took place?"
Last week, the Tuna slapped Tony Romo on the ass after the Cowboys beat the Panthers. Huh? Before that, he grabbed Totally Obnoxious by the hat and gave it a twist...with a smile! Huh...HUH? What is going on with Parcells? The Tuna is good friends with Bobby Knight. He is old school. Win or lose, Parcells always finds something to be upset about. The only times I've ever seen him smile was when he got the Gatorade dumped on his back in 86 and 90. Is the end near? Is Parcells enjoying his time now because this is his farewell tour, and he just isn't telling us? If he smacks Totally Obnoxious on the ass in the next few weeks, I think that would say it all.
John's Rumors and Predictions
Today is the debut of the newest feature I have come up with. These are rumors and predictions that I have heard, that I would like to see happen, or have made up completely. This was fun, so expect to see it again. 
-T.J. Ducket will take over as the feature back in the Redskins offense (after Clinton Portis, Rock Cartwright and Ladell Betts all come down with the avian flu) and will run for 327 yards against the Eagles . That will extend the Skins winning streak to 2, on their way to just missing the playoffs by seasons end. Ducketts performance will end up costing the Redskins the conditional 1st rounder that was part of the trade that brought TJ to town. (Look it up! A third rounder and conditional 1st. Worst trade in Redskins history, barely edging out the Sean Gilbert debacle.)
-Nick Novak, former Maryland kicker and all time leading scorer in ACC history after a shaky beginning to his college career, will go on to win four more crucial games for the Redskins, on his way to becoming the all-time leading scorer in NFL history.
-The Washington Nationals will hire Don Baylor as their new manager by next week, bringing on board the teaching and players' manager that Joe Girardi wishes he could be.
-The Washington Wizards will trade Brendan Haywood to the National Heart foundation for a healthy heart that will average 20 minutes, 7 points, 6 rebounds and 2 blocks fo
r the Wizards this season.
-Bill Parcells will slap his big ass (wide out Terrell Owens) and immediately retire from football when the Cowboys lose their final game. The loss will be a direct result of losing quarterback Tony Romo when Romo breaks his throwing arm after getting in an altercation with former Wizards center Brendan Haywood when Haywood's agent calls Romo a Homo.
-The Washington Capitals will trade three young prospects (I say Tomas Fleischmann, Brooks Laich and Hershey defenseman Jeff Schultz) to the Phoenix Coyotes for stud D man Ed Jovanowski. Phoenix is a mess, and unless they start winning, they will dump salary, handing the Caps the much needed blueline Stud they so desperately need.
-The Diving Whiner (Penguins star Sidney Crosby) and his resurgent Penguins get the new arena deal they have sought for years, keeping the Pens in Pittsburgh. (I said it before and I will say it again, the NHL fixed the draft lottery to ensure the Pens were able to draft Crosby, rookie phenom Evgeny Malkin, and Jordan Staal--former member of the New Kids On The Block-- and Ray Whitney so they wouldn't lose the Pittsburgh market.)
-The New York Rangers, off to a slow start, are finally seeing the effects that the former Penguin Jaromir Jagr has on his team when he is around for more than a year. Like I predicted, Jagr and the Rangers choked in the first round of last years playoffs. This years Ranger prediction? A 6th place finish, only because of Brendan Shanahan, and another early exit come April. Jagr likes golf, and we all know how good the weather turns come mid-April.
-Tiger Woods will bitch-slap new Ryder-cup captain Paul Azinger at his first practice for questioning his desire to win and leadership skills.
-The Washington Capitals winger, Alexander Semin is having problems scoring after tallying 8 goals in his first 5 games. Look for Semin to explode in the coming games.
-Look for Your Nations Capitals to make the playoffs, beat the Penguins and the Diving Whiner in the first round before losing in the 2nd round in 7 games.
-Finally, I predict the San Jose Sharks will win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Buffalo Sabres in six games, bringing the first Stanley Cup Championship to the great state of California.
Here's to the American People, who went to the polls on Tuesday and took back our our government from the oil companies. We sent a message to the Bush Administration that we want change and we want it now before the "Rapture" takes Bush and his advisers away before we can indict them.
All photos courtesy of Yahoo! Sports
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