Hockey at Last!

First of all, I would like to thank all of those who made my bachelor party possible. It was great to see all of you and from what I remember, I had a great time. Thanks to Ryan and all the guys for making it happen. Extra special shout out to Doctor Tommy fever for driving all of us around. We went to the Caps home opener, went for a jog along New York Avenue, Cousin Mike snuck me in to a Skybox, I stole a few new Caps hats from some loser skybox owner and the Capitals Won! Altogether, a very successful evening. As for what happened after the game, things get a little hazy for me, so ask the others how it went. All I know is that I cursed like a sailor, drank many shots of something, but no one got arrested and had to be bailed out of jail, which is good... one less thing! Last I remember was laughing with Drew and Mac at 3 in the morning back at my house pretty wasted. Good times.

With the start of the new hockey season, my life should be focused on the Caps and my Fantasy Hockey team this fall. However, with my impending nuptials and work consuming my every waking moment, I have not had much of a chance to read the sports page or watch a full game, much less even join a hockey league and try to maneuver my team to the top of the fantasy ranks. (Much to the surprise of all of those who have played fantasy baseball and football with me, my fantasy hockey acumen is actually kick ass, so keep the snickers to yourselves and suck my balls.)

I just wanted to check in with all of you and let you know that I will most likely be back to the hockey blogging around Thanksgiving, with at least 1 or 2 entries per week. So fear not, John Buccigross and Sean Salisbury, I shall return!

So with that said, let's dive in to the world of sports for a moment, shall we?

• If the Caps continue to play uninspired hockey when Boyd Gordon (their best defensive forward and key penalty killer) and Alexander Semin (the other Alex and their power play sniper) return from injury, look for Coach Glen Hanlon to lose his job after Christmas.

• GM George McPhee might want to look over his shoulder as well.

• Has anyone driven by the new Nationals Stadium? It looks awesome! I watched "Build it Bigger" on Discovery Channel the other day and they showed everything that had taken place with the design and construction up until mid September. Really cool to watch, except for the nerdy, bespectacled loser who is the host. Don't know his name... I think it was Tim Murray.

• I know the Celtics have been been given the Eastern Conference Crown before the season has begun, but does anyone think they really will be better than Cleveland?
  

• Not to be a homer, but I don't think Cleveland is better than a healthy Wizards team. Draw your own conclusions. I have.

• The Redskins are sitting at 3-2. The two losses were more than winnable. At this rate they will finish 9-7 or 10-6 and reach the playoffs. They are not an elite team, obviously, but this was never going to be their year. This is merely a year to grow.

• Next year, the Skins get that possession receiver they desperately need, add another premiere pass rusher, have Jason Campbell another year older and wiser, and go to the Super Bowl. 2008 is their year. I'm calling it now.
  

• Oh yeah, Brandon Lloyd catches 7 TD's this year on his way to the Pro Bowl- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I tried but just couldn't hold back the ridiculous laughter.

• Donovan McNabb has a mediocre season, gets booed out of Philly and signs with the Bears in the off-season. Next year, with a healthy knee and more weapons around him, he leads "Da Bears" to the NFC title game, only to lose to the Redskins on a last minute Nick Novack Field Goal. (No, I have not given up hope that Nick will be back with the Skins when it matters.)

• The Orioles are a shambles! Wait, that isn't anything new. Sorry.

• I was listening to the Sports Reporters the other day on AM 980 and this guy called up and proceeded to say how much he was looking forward to the Red Sox losing to the Indians, how happy he was that the Yankees were out of it and he hoped hockey television ratings would outdraw the ratings for a Rockies-Indians World Series. When asked why he was so bitter, his response was, "Because the Orioles have sucked for the past 10 years!" And how, brother... and how!

• ...and finally, I will soon marry the girl of my dreams. For all of the people who told me that the kind of girl I wanted, dreamed about and waited for for 33 years was a fantasy, for those who scoffed at my naivety that a girl like that could exist, I have one thing to say to you... you were wrong. She does exist and I found her. Which made me realize that anything is possible. Life is what you make it, you get out what you put in to it. If you refuse to settle for less, than you will never have less than you want. Everyday is precious. Life is short. Dallas Sucks. Words to live by.
  

Diarrhea of the Mind (Again)

Real quick... Just a few thoughts on the world of sports. As if you care.



1. A-Rod hit his 32nd homerun Monday night. The Yankees still suck. Didn't he hit 30 in April? Like I said before, "Mr. April." The Nats have no business signing him if he opts out of his contract.



2. I hate Barry Bonds. In case you didn't know.



3. The Wizards re-signed Deshawn Stevenson. I know the Wizards want to keep Gilbert happy and Stevenson was one of his best buds on the team, but so is Brendan Haywoode. Yikes!



4. Etan Thomas has a clause in his contract that increases his salary by 25% if he is traded. Ouch! Who negotiated that one, a former Enron Exec?



5. Th Caps resigned Steve Eminger and Brian Sutherby. One is a Captain-to-be who does whatever is asked, the other has all the potential in the world and a 5 cent head. You be the judge. (Hint: The better player's first name starts with "B".)



6. The Nashville Predators will end up playing in Oklahoma City now that the New Orleans Hornets will head home to their packed arena in the bayou. (hahahahahahaha!)



7. The Orioles will finish a game or two around .500, yet Dave Trembley will remain as the skipper into next year. After another losing season and the resignation of Andy Macphail, Peter Angelos will name himself the General Manager and sue the city of Baltimore because their team stinks.



8. The Nats will trade Dimitri Young and Ronnie Belliard as soon as they win their 41st game, ensuring that they will not lose more games in a season than the '62 Mets. Can't wait for the new stadium, how about you?



9. My fantasy baseball team will defy all odds and rocket to the top of my league and win the fantasy league championship. Unfortunately, I will have to forfeit once it is discovered that my wife is German and I used a concoction of Ho-Hoes and Coca-Cola to take an unfair advantage over my league mates.



10. Someone will mercifully shoot Barry Bonds in his big fat head and Hank Aaron's record will stand for all time. (I will testify for you, Sam. No worries.)



I'm done. Good Night and Good Luck.

Diarrhea of the Mind

--Lebron James is the real deal. I hate the guy and he hasn't won anything yet, but things are finally looking up for the city of Cleveland. Don't ask me why I think that, I've been drinking.

--Is it just me or does everyone else hope Barry Bonds gets hurt before he hits his record breaking homerun and has to retire?

--Hey Now! The Nats beat the Orioles on Tuesday night! I know it's too early to tell, but maybe the O-wee-oos should follow the "build from the bottom" model like the Nats have and plan for the future.

--I suck at Fantasy Baseball.

--Does anyone really care how John Daly got those cuts on his face? He still sucks!

--Only ten more days until the NHL Entry Draft! Here's hoping the Caps draft James Van Rims Dick and puts him on the same line as Alexander Semin.

--Gilbert Arenas is opting out of his contract and has told us that he will be his own agent. That gives new meaning to title "Agent Zero", as in "Zero IQ". I hope he stays. Or, maybe we can trade him to the Lakers for Kobe. That way we can rape the competition. (Insert your Duke Lacrosse Joke here.)

--Can you believe that even with the so called worst collection of starting pitchers in MLB history, and with 4/5ths of the original "Loser Rotation" currently on the DL, the Washington Nationals are only 10.5 games out of first place in the NL East? For the record, I am now gay for Nationals GM Jim Bowden. Mike Mussina who?

--In response to the nasty comments on my blog about how I compared Mike Mussina's career stats to those of Jim Palmer, I say this : Wake up, you idiots! The only grossly different stat is Mussina's ERA, which is just a little more than one point higher than "Underwear Boy". Considering the fact that Mussina pitched in the "Steroid Era" and the "Era of the Bandbox Ball Park", Palmer and Mussina's stats are more than comparable. I never said that Mussina was better than Palmer. Palmer was great, Mussina slightly better then good. But I think Moose deserves consideration for the Hall of Fame based on his statistics.

--I had a good friend tell me I was gay for Mike Mussina. Sorry, I am not. I don't even think he is good-looking. And I certainly don't have every baseball card of his, or locks of his hair and his sweaty jock from the '79 World Series (like one friend of mine, who services Eddie Murray any chance he gets). If you knew me, you would know I am gay for John Druce. Nice try, dumb ass.

--I met Ted Leonsis--again--at the Orioles/Nationals game at RFK on May 20th and he is still the nicest guy in sports! He accompanied last year's first round pick Nikalus Backstrom (who wears number 19, by the way) while Backstrom threw out the first pitch. The crowd gave Backstrom and Leonsis a standing ovation. And you don't think this is a hockey town? Whatever!

--Although the Yankees are starting to win, does anyone really care?

--I hate those people on bikes that ride down the shoulder of the road and think they have every right to hold up traffic so they can pretend they are professional bike-riders. Don't they realize that people in cars can kill them? I don't care if there is glass on the shoulder of the road that can puncture your tires. I have a car that can knock you 20 meters into the woods, Copernicus! This isn't the Tour de France, Greg Lemond. Get the hell out of my way!

I love you all. Thanks and good night.

Pesky Nats,Swelled Bonds and Unsung Moose

buzz... Remember back when spring training began in February and the Washington Nationals brought 37 pitchers to camp? buzzzz... Remember how the writers and baseball experts from all over this great land of ours predicted that the Nationals would not only be terrible--what with such a collection of has-beens, never were's and almost-were-going-to-be's filling out the starting rotation--but would be historically awful. buzzzzzzz... Did you hear that? Nah, my imagination I suppose.

The word in the papers, on the talk shows and everywhere else in the baseball world was that the 1921(?) Cleveland Spiders and the '62 New York Mets would be giving up their titles as the worst teams in baseball history and that the 2007 Washington Nationals would take over that dubious honor on their way to losing more than 120 games by seasons end. buzzzzzzzzzz... The fans of DC would be incensed and stop buying tickets to RFK this season and maybe not even buy tickets to the new Nationals Park in Southeast for next season. buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...The new owners and front office were playing Russian Roulette with a very sensitive and disgruntled fan base. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... What the-? I know you heard it that time. Didn't you?

Well, its June 2nd, boys and girls, and the Nats are not only 9 games under .500, but they only have the 6th worst record in baseball. The patchwork rotation has kept them in most games this year, and the offense has been on a tear since hardly producing in the first 5 weeks of the season. BUZZZZZZZZZ... Looks like as each month passes and the Nats keep playing good ball and winning (7 out of their last 10 and 14 out of the last 21....BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...) the team keeps proving that the brain trust of Al Lerner, Stan Kasten and Jim Bowden knew what they were doing over the winter. BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....There are 4 months to go, I know, but it's been more than fun so far; it's been great! BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... Holy crap! Do you hear that buzzing sound, or is it just me? What they hell is that?!


Bonds Spits in the Face of History

-Barry Bonds was quoted as saying he is keeping all of the historic memorabilia during his march to the homerun record to, "Look out for me." Bats, gloves, jersey's, you name it. All of it is being catalogued and stored in a warehouse for future Bonds generations. He also claims not to care about his place in history or if he gets into the Hall Of Fame. Which is probably for the better. His head has grown so much in the last five years that he nor his hat could fit thru the door to Cooperstown anyway.


Under-Appreciated Moose

A few things I did not realize about former Oriole Mike Mussina:

--He has 241 career victories! When did that happen? Imagine if he had not pitched for such crappy teams in Baltimore in the 90's. (Jim Palmer finished his career with 268.)

--He has 104 career No-Decisions! Christ, if he had gotten run support in just half of those games, he would be a no-brainer, first ballot Hall of Famer and we all would be watching him close in on 300 wins! (Palmer had 138 career no decisions but started 38 more games than Moose.)

--He has 2590 strikeouts to date. Now, that doesn't make Mussina Nolan Ryan or Roger Clemens, but Jim Palmer only had 2212.

--His winning percentage, as of June 2nd, 2007 is .638. Palmer's? The exact same, .638. Cool, huh?

--In his 17 year career, Mussina has walked 726 batters. Palmer walked 1311 in his 19 seasons. Mussina gave up 350 homeruns, Palmer only 303 plus Palmer never gave up a grand slam. Mussina has given up grand slams, but I can't find the stat to tell me how many.

--Palmer won 20 games eight times, Mussina never has but has won 19 twice, 18 three times and 17 twice. Palmer started at least 36 games in each season he won 20, the highest total being 40 in 1976. Mussina has never started more than 36 games in a season, which he did once in 1996 when he won 19 games.

--Career ERA for Moose: 3.66. WHIP: 1.178. Palmer's ERA was 2.86, WHIP was 1.180.

--Palmer won a few World Series titles and had much better teams around him for the majority of his career, while Mussina has only played on a couple good Oriole teams in 96 and 97, and lost a few World Series with the Yankees, although not due to his performances.

What's the point of all this? I am bored. Also, Mussina definitely benefited from playing in New York. His stats would be much different if he had stayed in Baltimore. In comparing the two pitchers, and considering the different eras, I think you could make a good case for Mussina to be sent to Cooperstown. He might not and probably won't, which would fit with the rest of his career: just missed out on 20 games a few times, just missed a few no-hitters and perfect games, just missed winning a few World Series trophies and had some bad luck on days he pitched better than good.

Hats off to the guy. He has pitched well for 17 years. Only three more seasons with 20 wins and he can reach 300 wins.

You Had Me At "He Cheated"

Curt Schilling has always been one of my favorites. Ever since I met him at an Orioles' game back in '89 and got his autograph, I have followed his career and have always wished him the best. Seeing his gutsy performance in '93 was the lone highlight of that World Series for the Phillies. He and Randy Johnson brought a title to Arizona in 2001, in case you forgot that the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees in 7. And of course, how could anyone forget the bloody sock in game 6 of the 2004 ALCS and again in game 2 of the World Series that finally brought a championship to Bean-town. Schilling willed the "Curse of the Bambino" into the ether forever. That seems like plenty of reason to like the guy, eh?

Well, before yesterday, I liked Schilling. Admired and maybe had a small crush on him even. Today, however, I love him. Like, really and completely love him! I am totally gay for Curt Schilling!! Why, you ask? I love Curt Schilling now and forever because he came out and said how he thinks it was despicable that Barry Bonds cheated and got away with it. Did anyone else read that stuff? Schilling launched a salvo across the H.M.S. Fat Head saying--and I will paraphrase since I am too lazy to look up the actual quote-- that he thought it was terrible that Bonds had not been punished for his stereoid use. Schilling said it was terrible that Bonds had admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes and taking steroids. He said it hurt the image of the game and that since Barry was the face of Major League Baseball that it would tarnish all of the great players that came before and will inevitably come after him in this sad chapter of baseball history. Rings true to me, how about you, loyal readers?

Now, before this turns into a "Steroids in Baseball" rant, let me just say that what Schilling said was poetic. It was just and it most likely(at least I think) reflects the opinions of many present day and former Major Leaguers. Most of this has been debated in the media, with very few players (former or current) actually saying what they think about this whole fiasco. The fact that one of the greatest players of our time had the balls to stand up and call out "His Majesty", Barry Fucking Bonds, is more than just noteworthy... it's incredible!

Guys that did steroids and tried to sweep it under the rug, like Raphael Palmeiro and Mark MacGuire, ended up with their legacies tarnished and their stats replaced by asterisks. Then you have Jason Giambi, who admitted (sort of) to doing something bad and the public gave him kudos and respected him for stepping up and being semi-honest. Throw yourself on the mercy of others and the odds say you will be forgiven and given a second chance if you show regret and honesty. Act coy and aloof, however, and the masses will feast on your silence like dung beetles at an elephant farm during flu season.

So, why is Barry Bonds not given a do-over? Why not give Barry a free pass since he supposedly admitted to doing all these dishonest things and came clean? Shouldn't we all stop and give someone of such immense talent the benefit of the doubt? The answer, sadly, is absolutely not.
Why? It's because Barry Bonds is an asshole. He only cares about one thing in the world...himself. He doesn't care about his wife, his health or the integrity of America's pastime. He alienates the very people who pay his salary (the Fans) and he honestly could care less about them or anyone else. It is that very indifference that has the led the public and the media to pick sides and lobby against him on this issue. Bonds is about to break the most hallowed record in sports and everyone is squirming, begging and pleading to see him fail. We feel betrayed. We feel like Bonds isn't worthy based on the way he has acted towards us and how he has treated everyone in the process. The only thing worse than a woman scorned is a fan ignored or a reporter who has been spat upon.

I am so proud of Curt Schilling. To hear it from one of the games true heroes and icons, to call out Barry Bonds and say the things Schilling did was momentous! Sure, he retracted his statement the next day and offered Bonds an apology, but Schilling got his message across. In today's world, it's not the apology you offer but the truthful statement that you apologize for that people remember.

It's about time one of Barry Bonds' peers spoke out against the tragedy that has become Bonds' pursuit of a record held by one of the most respected baseball players of all time, one Hank Aaron. When it comes to class and integrity, Hank Aaron had it all. I am disappointed that more big leaguers haven't stepped up and spoke their minds. At least one of them did, and I am glad it was Schilling who finally had the balls to do it. Who would ever question a guy who had his tendon sewn to his ankle bone so he could win Boston a World Series title after such a long wait? I don't think there could have been a better ambassador for what many of us have been thinking for years. Schilling is a hero for speaking his mind. I think he showed some class in speaking his mind about an issue no one else would touch. I want to marry you, Curt Schilling! Isn't same-sex-marriage legal in Massachusetts?

Chainging My Name To Me-John

How many of you fellow Redskin fans were befuddled by the Redskins 1st round pick last Saturday? Was it just me? Don't we already have a stud safety (supposedly)in Sean Taylor? Didn't we need help on the D-line more that another hard-hitting, flashy, fast and top flight safety? Now, I'm no expert (again, a surprise to all of you) but all the ESPN analysts said LaRon Landry would allow Sean Taylor to be the beast he should be and that the two together will bring out the best in both, that they would compliment each other. They apparently will bring the best out each other, which means no more cops in Taylor's future, right? I guess we will see.

As for the offensive side of the ball, the Skins still need help on the O-line. They still have a question mark in how good Jason Campbell can be. Portis was hurt last year, Santana Moss needs help, Brandon Loyd is a bust and David Patten should have been released two years ago. Is there anyone in the free agent pool that could help the Skin's at receiver considering they didn't have the picks available to draft a quality receiver? Anyone at all?

I can't believe I'm even going to suggest this... this goes against everything I believe in and stand for... but Me-Shawn is available. After the Skins failed to trade for Randy Moss--which would have been a huge upgrade to their receiving corps--why not make a run at Me-Shawn? As much as I can't stand the guy, he is better than Randle El and Darnarien McCants. I know this will just be another contradiction on my growing list of contradictions, but so what?! The Skins are not good. Me-Shawn would definitely bring attitude to DC. It couldn't hurt, could it? His agent says he has lots of offers and will play next year, somewhere somehow. Could a team with burgundy and gold colors be one of his suitors? Would the Fans welcome him? It wouldn't be like the Deion Sanders signing, could it? Me-Shawn would probably be pretty affordable. And Joe Gibbs has always done well with eccentric and egotistical players (ala, John Riggins, Gary Clark, Dexter Manley and Mark May).

I am actively lobbying for Keyshawn Johnson to be a Redskin. God help us all.

photo courtesy of yahoo.sports

Buy Me Some Peanuts and Crackerjacks

Well, we're almost a month into the '07 Major League Baseball Season and I thought I'd weigh in on some of the things I have noticed, been angered by or developed an opinion about. I haven't been so siked for a baseball season since 1997. There are two teams in the area, the best ballpark 30 minutes north in Baltimore, the next great ballpark just 35 minutes west and the Yankees stink! Woo-hoo! I am as happy as a little girl! Read on at your own risk!






1. Although the Nats are 8-15, they will not be historically bad this year. Shaun Hill has been unexpectedly good; Ryan Zimmerman is the next great third baseman; Dimitri Young has filled in nicely for the injured Nick Johnson; Ronnie Belliard...where did he come from? The young pitching staff is very green, but they aren't terrible. John Patterson has yet to get his fastball into the 90's, but the Nats are letting Patterson work himself back into shape after fore arm surgery at the end of last year. He'll get there. I love how Manny Acta keeps the team loose and upbeat even thought everyone says they will be terrible. Acta is one cool dude.Go Nats!



2. Although some of you may believe I hate the Orioles, I actually have been watching and rooting for the Birds. They are a little inconsistent, but their pitching seems headed in the right direction. Erik Bedard is the real deal, if only Daniel Cabrera could put it together. The team seems more united now that at any time in recent memory. Angelos should still sell the team, but I might actually head up to Ball-mer and catch a game at the Yard, hun! As Brooks used to say, "Go O-wee-Ooos!"






3. Mark Prior was finally diagnosed with something that explains his deterioration since the 2003 playoffs. A torn labrum that was missed for the past 4 years! Fire the Cubs' doctor! Prior is expected to recover from his surgery and be ready to pitch for the 2008 season. He's a free agent after this year. The Nationals should sign him to help open the new stadium next spring. I'd take a questionable Mark Prior over anyone on this years staff, except Shaun Hill.






4. Sammy Sosa is at it again! He's belting homers in Texas and is only 5 dingers from reaching the 600 homerun mark. This might actually help his image and hurt Barry Bonds. Does Sammy look smaller to you?





5. There were reports last Thursday that Curt Schillings bloody sock--the one he wore in the 2004 World Series that we all remember as he pitched the game of his life--was not really bloody after all. A rumor floated out last week that it was paint on the sock, not hemoglobin, which sent Schilling into a tizzy. Orioles announcer Gary Thorne heard someone in the Red Sox locker room talking about the sock before a game and Thorne thought he heard the blood on the sock wasn't real. Thorne went public with what he thought he heard. He has since changed his tune and says he misunderstood what he overheard in the locker room. Good job Gary. Way to get a second source before blurting that one out. At least you are a much better announcer than Michael Reghi!




6. Speaking of Michael Reghi (the former Orioles play-by-play man, he of the bad homerun call and terrible hairpiece) I looked up his bio on Wikipedia so I wouldn't spell his name wrong and I discovered that he was born in, and I quote, "1956 or 1957." Huh? Maybe he doesn't know when he was born. He certainly didn't know how to call a baseball game. "Homerun Jack!" That guy was awful. My dog Harley could call a better game than that doorknob, and she's dumb as a rock and can't talk. Actually, it is an insult to my dog to put her in the same sentence as that tool.







7. Here's hoping that the Justice Department finds evidence of Barry Bonds using steroids, or let's pray Barry's head explodes, or perhaps maybe he could break his leg and have to retire before he hits the homerun that puts him in first place on the all time list ahead of Hank Aaron. I can't believe we have come this far, folks. I hate Barry Bonds. Did I ever say that?





8. How about them Yankees?! Their pitching staff is in tatters, their manager is on the hotseat-- unfairly I might add-- and the Bronx Bombers are in last place in the American League East. They're 2 games behind the Devil Rays, for pete's sake! The Yanks have the third worst record in baseball. The Nats have the same number of wins as the Yanks do, and they were supposed to be terrible! Steinbrenner must be having a cow. Joe Torre, it was a great run. Unless you can pitch, I think your days in New York are done. Which is actually not a bad things. By the way, how is A-Rod doing?





9. As for A-Rod, let me say this once and for all: I don't care how many home runs you hit(14) or how many runs you drive in(34) or how high your batting average is(.360) or if your slugging % is .921 or if you have 4 game-winning hits in the first 25 days of the season. That shit doesn't matter if your team stinks. Sure those stats are nice and now they are the best April numbers ever and stats are stats, no matter what month of the regular season they may come in. But remember... it may count in April, but it only really matters in October. When A-Rod goes O-fer another October, who is going to remember A-Rod's torrid April start? That's if the Yankees even get that far.



Rack Him! Peace out!


All photos courtesy of yahoo.sports

Catching Up

I know it has been quite some time since the last time you have heard from me, my loyal readers, and for that I apologize. Since moving back from the left coast, I have been quite busy, preoccupied with "real-life" scenarios that I have avoided for the past few years, avoided as if they would cause me to contract leprosy. However, here I am, rested, relaxed and ready to type away on all things inconsequential. I missed you all very much, as I hope you missed me.

The Nats

So, the Nats are supposed to lose more games this year than any other Major league Baseball Baseball team in history. Their starting pitching was destined to be the worst rotation in a century; even more pitiful than a little league team of science nerds forced to play ball between science fairs. There was no hope for this season before it started and all of the Washington baseball fans were supposed to be patient and upset with our Nats as the floundered their way into the off season.

Yet, it is only April, the team has won four games and their starting pitching has been much better than any of us thought (except for me, of course). Their offense has shown signs of producing after an anemic start and maybe we can witness a sub-100 loss team this year, much to the chagrin of the so called experts. The Nationals will not break any records this year, especially for futility. 69-93 at the worst, loyal readers. They will not reach the century mark in wins or losses, no matter what. You can thank my lovely fiancee' for the recent winning streak over the weekend. Since Julia came to town, the Nationals won three of four. Can't wait until she moves here in time for next season. Maybe her luck will rub off on the Redskins and the Caps as well.

The Wizards

Jesus, just when it looked good, (as coined and probably trademarked by Tony Kornheiser) the "Curse of Les Boulez" strikes again. First they lose Antawn Jameson at mid season, then Caron Butler for the last month of the season and the first round of the playoffs, and then the "DAGGER!!!" (copywritten by Steve Buckhantz) they lose Gilbert Arenas for the rest of the season, playoffs and the summer. This town can't catch a break. Ernie, We need help!

The Caps

Another season of learning and growing, another season of losing and frustration. Alex Ovechkin and Alexander Semin showed they are special players that could be the center pieces to a good team in the future. Olie Kolzig got hurt and showed how important he really is to this franchise. And the Blackhawks won the NHL Draft Lottery although the had the fifth worst record and the slimmest chance to move up to number one. The Caps of course dropped from number 4 to number 5. The NHL lottery is fixed. The Penguins have won it twice in the last 5 years, and have picked no lower than #5. The Caps might be able to pick a good player if James van Ryms-Dyck (actual name) is still available. For a team that used to have a goalie named Pete Peeters, Van Rims Dyck is the logical pick. Can you imagine if he was on the same line as Semin?

On a sad note, former Cap and 14 year NHL veteran Gaetan Duchesne died suddenly on Monday. He was drafted by the Caps in 1981 and played over 1000 games in the NHL for the Caps, the Nordiques, the Sharks and the Panthers. It was reported he collapsed while working out at the gym. He was 44. Although he was never a super-star, he is perhaps most remembered in this town for being traded to Quebec for Dale Hunter before the 1986-87 season. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family. Gaetan, we hardly knew you.

Cross Country Finale'

I am back in Maryland and it is colder than it has been in three years and it is snowing. Believe it or not, I missed home. I drove into Annapolis around 7:30pm Monday night and now it is Tuesday Night and it is snowing. Believe it or not, this is exactly why I moved home. There is no snow in Petaluma; there are no cold temperatures--unless you count the week I left, when it was near 30 degrees at night, for three weeks! Northern California hadn't seen those temperatures since Gene Autry led that herd thru in '45. (Boy, it was colder than a Republican warming to same-sex marriage; let me tell you!)

My last drive from Huntsville, Alabama to Annapolis was uneventful and actually quite beautiful. The Tennessee River Valley and the Shenandoah Valley are probably one of the most stunning drives I have ever taken--I imagine it is indescribable at the right time of year. That jaunt must be gorgeous during the fall. The drive during winter is pretty boring, I must admit--as was my foray from El Paso, Texas to Markum, Louisiana. (Did I mention that Texas sucks?!)

Anyway, I made it home around 7:30 Monday night and spent Tuesday getting my anchors set. The dogs hated the drive, but seemed happy to not have to get back in the truck again Tuesday. Plus, it started snowing late Tuesday night and the bitches were happy to see and play in snow once again. I was happy to see it, honestly. As crazy as the last year has been for me, a little snow and cold is not so bad. But the Caps lost. So my karma has nothing to do with them. Pity. I thought I would have made a difference.

Hey Boner... You still buying beers at Italia? Just a thought. It's good to be home. But, Damn! It's fucking cold!

Day Four: Whooooaaa Neeelllyyy!

I made it from Vicksburg, MS to Huntsville, Alabama in just under 6 hours Saturday. There is not much to report, really. The south lost the war because it sucks, from what I have seen, and I was very happy to roll into Huntsville around 4pm without any musket-wounds what so ever. This will be the boring blog, in case you hadn't realized that yet. I felt it was my duty to let you know before you read on. You have been warned.

What I do take exception to is the whole "Yankee" label. I can not tell you the number of people from Texas to Alabama who have had the nerve to call me a Yankee. You see, I'm from Southern Maryland, that gray area where the North/South line was originally drawn back in the 17oo's! I understand that some people may be upset that the Confederacy lost the war, but... they are all dead, right? Again, no offense to those noble warriors that fought for what they believed in and their way of life... but they lost, right?!?! Not to dredge up bad memories, but the Civil War ended in 1865. Don't you think it is about time our country got with the program and took that nasty step forward into the 21st Century? I do. And,apparently I am from the South, so I know of what I speak.

But I still think NASCAR sucks... unless Joe Gibbs' team wins, then it is divine retribution.

Days Two and Three: Stuck in the Heartland

I wrote my Day 2 blog last night from Van Horn, TX, but my internet pc card was fluttering in and out of reception and I couldn't save my post, much less surf any porn sites. Texas sucks. So, I got up early this morning (6am) and hit the road. I was 500 miles from Dallas when I left Van Horn, and I hoped to make good time, moving along at an easy and crisp 80 mph clip and get thru Dallas by 1pm, Central Standard Time--including stops.

Of course, that did not happen. It snowed in Northern Texas this morning, barely sticking to the ground and not clinging to the road, not in the least, not at all, no snow-on-road what so ever. Amazingly, schools were delayed, businesses closed and everyone drove like they were 90 year old people in bumper to bumper traffic. I felt like I was back home on the Beltway, except the scenery was ugly, flat and devoid of anything except oil derricks. With the number of derricks pumping away all morning from West Texas to Louisiana that I drove past, I kept wondering why we are paying so much for gas in this country if we have all these oil wells. Endless prairie of pre-historic looking bird-like creatures nodding over and over might give someone the impression that we have a lot of oil in the good ole USA. JR Ewing made money in oil. I know George W. Bush didn't, but still! Perhaps that doesn't make sense, but neither does Texas. Texas sucks.

I passed thru a dozen small towns on my way to Big "D"; a dozen Texas small towns that posted signs for road construction on I 20, yet there was no construction that I ever saw. A few cones and orange markers warning about "Double Fines In Work Zones", or "Road Work next 30 miles", however I never actually saw any evidence of road work. I don't mean that I didn't see any workers (it was snowing, for goodness sake), but I mean I did not see any ripped up pavement, or half built guard rails, no "lane closed" signs. It was all bullshit. No work, no deconstruction, no re-construction. Just a lame excuse to get everyone to slow down to 50 in a 70 mph zone. Texas sucks. (Did I mention that?)

Anyway, I passed by Odessa without even looking for Claire the cheerleader. Screw her, I was on a time schedule. She can take care of herself. Save the World?! I was trying to save my sanity! I have been listening to a book on tape, but I finished 4 hours West of Dallas, so I scanned the radio for anything interesting, which I did not find. Unless you like Rush Limbaugh, G. Gordon Liddy or christian radio--which I do not like anyt of the afore mentioned crap--you are pretty much shit out of luck driving across Texas. I found myself praying for a Dallas radio station, just to catch some sportstalk or good music somewhere, anywhere!... of any sort, of any kind! I finally found a sportstalk station and was thoroughly disappointed. The discussion was about who was more deservingof the Hall of Fame: Art Monk or Michael Irvin. Knowing I was in Dllas, I kept my head and I knew what they would say. I knew I was in enemy territory, but the contempt they had for Monk, the clean and good samiritan that he was, as opposed to... well, Michael Irvin, I mean... come on! Again, I kept it to myself. I was, in fact, in Cowboy land. I tried to keep my bias in check and not let my emotions get the best of me, but when the guys on the radio said Michael Irvin was better than Cris Carter, I lost it. vAre you kidding me? Dallas sportstalk hosts are... Idiots!

Oh, by the way, I found out where courteous drivers turn into bad drivers... It's in Dallas. Driving across West Texas, everyone drove with skill, used the left lane to pass, the right lane to let others pass them and worked together to ensure safety, fluidity and equality. When I got to Dallas, the freeway became a free-for-all! I am no saint as a driver, but I was afraid for my life! I held my bladder for almost three hours just to get to Louisiana and out of the Flake State of Texas. Did I mention that Texas sucks?

So, I am in Vicksburg, Mississippi. The land of... um, who the hell is famous from Mississippi? Oh... Flo the waitress on "Alice", I suppose. Is that good? Not much to see here. Waffle Houses and Popeye's Chicken as far as the eye can see. It took me three motels to find one that would let me bring the dogs. I would have snuck the bitches into the Best Western or the Holiday Inn, but apparently Vicksburg is a happenin' place on a Friday Night. I couldn't get a first floor room in those places. Which wasn't a big deal. I would have made Daisy and Harley sleep in the truck, but I have stuff in the bed of the truck that i didn't want to leave out in the open. Plus, I did not feel like lugging all that shit up to my room on the second floor. So I am staying at the "America's Best Inn". I got a ground floor room and it is within spitting distance (if I chewed Redman!) of a Gas and Sip. And the motel is pretty nice, except for the broken glass in the parking lot and the pubic hair on the toilet seat. But after my 13 hour drive across the not-so-great state of Texas, this place is Nirvana. Did I mention that Texas sucks?

Day One: Petaluma to Blythe

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin'! I'm not in a big rig or a black Trans Am, but my truck is black and I got a couple of dogs in the car, so just call me Bandit. Okay, maybe Snowman.

Well the first day was fairly boring. I left Petaluma around 20 after 1pm and pulled into Blythe, CA at 11pm. I planned a 10 hour first day and shaved off almost 30 minutes. The dogs did fine and I almost drove another two hours to Phoenix, but I didn't. I figured I should play it safe and get some rest. I did nine and a half hours with no problem today, so 12 hours tomorrow should be a breeze. I drove around LA to avoid the traffic and, predictably, I got lost and almost ran out of gas. I drove thru 4 small towns on RT 138 near Lancaster and did not see ONE gas station. Huh? There were a lot of houses and plenty of people, but no stores or gas stations for almost 40 miles. Of course, my cell had no reception as I flirted with disaster. I was sweating there for about 20 miles. Thankfully I stumbled across a Mom and Pop gas station in Elizabeth Lake. It was dark when I turned off I5 to take 138 so I do not know if what I drove by was pretty or not.

So, here I am in Blythe. Its a great town; 18 motels, 10 fast food restaurants and an Indian Casino. I'm staying at the Best Value Inn because all the other motels in town are full. Huh? Huh? I didn't realize this place was so popular. I can't wait to see it during the day. Maybe I will see what all the hub-bub is all about. So far, I'm not impressed. The water that comes out of the sink is tinted brown with what I hope is rust and the pleasant fellow behind the counter at check-in seemed highly annoyed that I came in. Judging by how fat he was I probably interrupted his 11pm ho-ho binge. I usually don't make fun of anyone for being fat or ugly or "special", unless they treat me like shit. Then, as far as I'm concerned, they are fair game. They can make fun of my uni-brow or my stinky feet if they want. I don't care. A smile and have a "good night" would be nice after 10 hours in a pick-up with two dogs that kept floating air-biscuits. Geez...

Tomorrow I will shoot for Odessa, Texas. If you watch the NBC show Heroes, you would know that Claire the cheerleader lives there. I feel compelled to go there. It is my destiny. She is in danger. I need to save her. Save the cheerleader, Save the world. I hope the Best Western there isn't packed. I'd sure like to take a shower with clean, clear water instead of non-brown poop water.

Goin' to Maryland with Two Bitches and A Truck

Welcome to my cross country blog!

In case you loyal readers did not know, I am leaving sunny California to return to the womb... the place I call home... that place of forgiving fortitude... My Maryland. It has been a year of good's and bad's since I packed up and moved West. I love Northern California, but I feel my time here has served its purpose. The good things I will cherish, (hanging with Denny and Sue; getting to now Sue and her family so much more, learning from Jack and hanging with Billy--my brother from another mother--, meeting great people like Steven and Sherri and their wonderful children; writing a manuscript--albeit a crappy one--in hopes that one day it becomes a great book. But let's face it, I'm leaving a place where it just became illegal to put a live person in the trunk of your car and medicinal marijuana is accepted. Not good enough for you? OK... Arnold is in his 2nd term! Huh?)

The most important thing that I discovered here in California was my soul mate. My fiance' Julia is the shining light in my life. If I had not come here, we would have probably never met her. I am lucky and fortunate to have met such a wonderful person, such a sweet human being, such a good person. And I am better for it. Ich liebe dich, meine feine Frau!

Tonight, the 30th of January, 2007, has been an up and down night for me. I think of all of the promise and fortune that I came here to claim, like so many before me. I could be upset that things did not work out the way I hoped they would--working with my Dad and learning from the master... being in a new place where the the sky is the limit. But some things matter more than money and status. I got to see my Dad show how strong of a soul he truly is. I got to see how strong my step-mom really is. I got to know my California family more than I probably ever would have, (Dee, I will never play Dominoes with you because you don't cheat, you are just that good) and you accepted me with open arms, for which I am forever grateful.

The most important... I met my future wife--the ONE I have dreamed of my whole life, the girl everyone told me did not exist, but to my joy she does. I always wanted to live in California and I regret none of it, and my send off was more than I ever could have expected. Thank you all, my friends and loved ones in Petaluma. I will miss you. But fear not, I will be back to bother you before Norv Turner coaches the Cowboys into oblivion. (Drew and Steven, that was for you.)

So, I stand on the verge of my cross-country drive from No-Cal to Annapolis. I hope you all will check my blog each day because I will update each leg of the journey as I make my way across this great and vast country we call the United States of America. If you know me, you will tune in for the things I hate the most or the things that piss me off about driving, or why I hate weird small towns or how shitty the Motel 6's really are from here to DC. I promise it will be well worth the read. (Motel 6, we will call the cops on you!... Ask Me for the story. Its a good one.)

Keep a link to my blog: http://rantinghockeyfan.blogspot.com/ and I assure you there is much more entertainment to follow. For Christ's sake, I'm driving East in a Ford F-150 with two dogs and my computer... let the inappropriate jokes begin!

Things Looking Grimm for Russ

The past few years, Russ Grimm, former Hog and current Offensive line coach of the Steelers, has been mentioned for almost every head coaching vacancy in the NFL. Sadly, Grimm has yet to nab the title of Head Coach for any team. It was thought he was Bill Cowhers obvious successor in Pittsburgh, but with Monday's hiring of Vikings D-coordinator Mike Tomlin as the Head man in Steel City, you have to wonder why Grimm keeps getting passed over.

Grimm was a great lineman in his career, Hall of Famer in many people's eyes, and he has a fine coaching resume. However, since he was not called back for a second interview with the Cardinals--a job that went to Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt--I'm starting to wonder if there might be something wrong with Big Russ. It seemed a given that Grimm would take over when Cowher retired. Suddenly, Grimm finds himself practically out of a job while Mike Tomlin (not to be confused with rag-arm pitcher and former Oriole Mike Timlin) takes over Grimm's hometown Steelers. That doesn't seem fair. But I am biased, so what do I know.

Grimm won three Super Bowels as a player for the Redskins. He got another ring last year with Pittsburgh. When Coach Gibbs came back into football and reportedly wanted Grimm on his staff, the Steelers refused to let Grimm talk to the Redskins. That's how highly they thought of him just three years ago. Now, with the hiring of Tomlin, Grimm most likely will be let go from his contract with Pittsburgh and free to find work elsewhere. Why Grimm seems to have fallen out of favor in the annual search for head coaches is beyond me. Granted, I do not have the contacts or the wisdom to tell you why this keeps happening.

What's next for Grimm? Well, at last count there were still two head coaching vacancies. The Raiders are looking for a head man, but they are every year it seems. Grimm can pick the brains of mentors Norv Turner and Joe Bugel to find out how working in Oakland will play out, which everyone knows is not good. Working for Al Davis is the worst job in sports. Period. Now that Bill Parcells has retired (which I predicted on a previous blog. Hey there's a first time for everything) the Cowboys have a coaching vacancy to fill. (Gag, cough, wretch!) Come on, Grimm grew up a Steelers fan and played for the Redskins. He wouldn't be able to stomach working for Jerry Jones. Working for Jones is the second worst job in sports.

I hope Grimm signs on with the Redskins staff. Come on, its a perfect fit. He knows the city, the fans and what it means to be a Redskin. Plus, I'm sure he can help the Skins offense. Lord knows Grimm would command some respect and show everyone what it means to be a champion. It would be a feel good story. Gibbs can prep Grimm to take over when he retires. The Redskins always could use another coach, eh? What other options does Big Russ have? Work for Al Davis? Hardly. Or coach the Cowboys? I don't think so. If Grimm ends up on the sidelines wearing Silver and Blue then that would signal the End of Days. I suggest everyone rush out to the nearest church and claim Jesus Christ as your personal savior. That way, you will be taken in the Rapture, sparing you from the coming of the Anti-Christ and the sight of the Greatest Hog coaching the Boys in Blue.


Monday Side Note

I read on foxsports.com that the Raiders want Michael Vick. It was reported by Ben Maller that Oakland would send Receivers Randy Moss and Jerry Porter, as well as the 1st overall pick in the 2007 draft for Vick and the Falcons 1st rounder (10th overall). Huh? This begs the question: If Vick didn't have anyone to throw to in Atlanta, who the hell would he throw to in Oakland? Tim Brown retired, didn't he? Typical Raider craziness, my friends. If I were Atlanta, I would be all over that one.

"Agent Zero" is much more than Nil

I am a hockey fan, first and foremost. Baseball and Football are most likely tied for second place, but hockey is no question number one in my heart. I like basketball, don't get me wrong. I don't love it, but I happen to enjoy the game. College basketball, in my opinion, is a better game to watch than the pro game, however I do follow the NBA and enjoy it. I also enjoy watching my hometown Wizards. After a lifetime of heartache and after watching a few Wizards Games this year, I can not say I have ever been more excited and pumped up to watch them play then I am this year. Why you ask? Two words, one person. Gilbert Arenas.

Can Gilbert shoot the rock or what? Eleven times this year he has hit a quarter/half/ or game ending shot. He has hit game winners from 25 feet and out. He has scored 50 points over four times so far, three of those games against the high flying Suns and Steve Nash, another against perennial contender Dallas, and a 64 point performance against the Lakers. There is only one way to make people stand up and take notice of your talent in any sport and that is to beat the best teams in the league by having career nights. This year, Arenas has risen to the occasion and delivered for the beleaguered fans of DC. After all these years of futility, Washington's pro hoops team has a bona-fide star, and not just someone who claims to be among the elite--Chris Webber, I'm talking to you.

Arenas was drafted in the second round by the Warriors. He felt slighted because he believed he was better. When he hit the free-agent market, Arenas had a choice between his hometown Clippers and far away Washington. He couldn't decide, so he did what any logical person would have done. He flipped a coin. He flipped that coin 12 times. Clippers 11, Washington 1. So what did Gilbert do? He signed with the Wizards. Huh? When telling that story, Arenas apparently referred to the fact that he never follows the rules or listens to fate. He listens to his heart.

Well, after getting snubbed for the All-star game a few years ago(which he is a shoo-in for this season) and getting left off the Olympic team in 2006, Agent Zero (which just happens to be Gil's jersey number, a reminder that few believed in his abilities in the past) has responded with by far his best season. He is second in the league in scoring at over thirty points per game, has the aforementioned clutch shots and has four 50 point-plus games under his belt. (That one was against Kobe and the Lakers and he went for 64 only makes his heroics that much sweeter) Arenas now has the Wizards making serious noise in the Eastern Conference, not to mention has given Washington a SuperStar basketballer for the first time since the days of Wes Unseld and Elvin Hayes. Don't agree with me? Then let's handle this like Gilbert would... How about we flip for it?

Caps Continue Growth Spurt

It is worth writing about Your Nations Capitals these days for a plethora of reasons. Their young players are beginning to show signs of maturing into solid, everyday NHL players; they are scoring more on offense and giving up less on defense compared to last year, and Alex Ovechkin is on pace to match, or most likely, better his statistics from last year when he won Rookie of the Year Honors. However, and more importantly, the Caps are worth writing about because they are winning, something that did not happen as much last year as it has been taking place this year.

At the halfway mark this season the Caps have a winning record as of January 9th, 2007, something that did not take place at any point last season. Alex Ovechkin is not their only scoring threat since Alexander Semin and Danius Zubrus have taken the pressure off great number 8. The Caps young defensemen show some not so subtle signs of maturing, not to mention since they added enforcer Donald Brashear in the off-season, they have a lot more muscle to discourage other teams from picking on Ovechkin and the other skill players.

Perhaps all of those factors have led to the performance in goal by stalwart Olie Kolzig as well as back-up Brent Johnson, who have combined to reduce the team's goals against average, and in turn raising their collective save percentage. Good goaltending wins games, and the Caps have received sparkling net-minding so far this year, especially from Godzilla...Olie the Goalie.

Why are the Caps better this year--almost 10 games better compared to last January? I think the main reason is coach Glen Hanlon. He has pushed his club and set the rules; if a guy takes off just one play on one shift, they find their fannies on the bench. Hanlon realizes that the margin for error on this team is so small that some guys may need 27 minutes on the bench to ponder their lack-sa-daisical play--just ask 2nd year D'man Mike Green after he turned the puck over twice on one shift against the Flyers Tuesday night and didn't step foot on the ice again that night. Or just ask Jakub Klepis (TIMMY!!) who has also been benched--and perhaps is on his way back to the minors. A number of times Klepis has been benched for hooking opponents after they beat him on defense leading him to panic and drawing a potentially devastating penalty. Hanlon demands more from his players and they all no it. No one complains in public about being singled out because as a group they know Hanlon is right.

Hanlon is a good coach, perhaps a great one in the making. He has talent, solid veterans and good leaders on his roster. The Caps are mere points out of the playoff picture with just under half a season to go. They have a winning record, Ovechkin is second in the league in scoring, first in goals scored. Their young defensemen are starting to come into their own. Steve Eminger and Shaone Morrisson are showing encouraging signs that they indeed are the pillars on defense the Caps so desperately need but absolutely can not afford to buy in free agency. They are trying to build from within, which in the new salary cap era is practically necessary.

The Caps accomplished a first on Tuesday night by beating the hated Flyers from Philadelphia. This marks the first season in Capitals history that they have swept a season series from the Flyers. I wish I had been at Verizon Center so I could have given the finger to all those Philly fans who took the bus down from up North. I know we only played them four times this year--as opposed to as many as six times per season back in the 70's, 80's and 90's, but a sweep is a sweep. The Capitals, from ownership on down, have pledged to build from the bottom with a foundation to use for years to come. (Maybe the Redskins should look into that.) If you look at the successful teams in pro sports, you will see that building thru the draft and trading for young players almost always results in a successful organization, and sometimes a championship one. Who am I to say anything...but I do like the Caps chances.