John Murray, Stock Market Guru

I have decided to accept the challenge of being a stock market adviser and help people make a crap-load of cash in today's market. With all of the people getting out of the business, and with my inexperience and fresh ideas, I figure its time to do this. So here it goes.

Buy! Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy!!!

That's it! Pretty simple, eh? As for the types of companies, well you have to do some research on that. I have stocks in some gold and precious metal mining companies, some green industry companies (solar, wind, composite materials) and that is about all I can tell you. I here infrastructure is going to get a lot of capital dished out their way due to President Obama's stimulus package, so look there as well.

Think my advice is worthless? Well, the only way for the economy to rebound is for people to start spending money again. That way, companies need to start producing more goods and services, which would mean they need to hire more people. Those people would need new suits and dresses for their new jobs, plus working cars and subways to travel to and fro. You see where I am going with this.

I am tired of all the talking heads on TV telling everyone that the recession is terrible and its going to get worse. That just scares people. I understand that fear sells and gets ratings, but it's a self fulling prophecy at this point in our history! It's time to stop scaring everyone. Buy stock and turn the economy around. Just do it!

DCU in PG?

DC United is revving up their talks with Prince Georges County officials to build a soccer-exclusive stadium for the Washington Area's Major League Soccer team. A deal with the District fell thru last week after years of negotiating to build a stadium at Poplar Point in Anacostia. How do you feel about that, soccer fans out there? Leaving DC isn't anyone's first choice, but Largo? The Morgan Boulevard Metro stop? Isn't that in Raljon? You sure you want to leave RFK? The last two teams to do that haven't faired so well in their new digs. (See Inept Ownership/Washington Redskins, and 102 losses and an asphalt plant next door/Washington Nationals).

How many of you DCU fans are in Virginia? Anybody have statistics on that? Is it an even fifty split? Even i it's not, the Morgan Blvd Metro stop makes sense. It was built for the Redskins but would be better for a stadium that is actually closer to the tracks. At least everyone involved is thinking ahead and centering the idea around Metro stations instead of building a stadium smack-dab between opposite Metro lines. Maybe they could run another line from Landover to Morgan Blvd just to make it easier. They can call it the Black Line. (DC United wears black and the Skins have those super cool black jerseys, get it?)

DC United deserve a stadium, just on the sheer basis of championships to won/loss record. No one has won more in the cities history. Not the Redskins, not the Bullets and certainly not the Nats. The Caps are close these days, but to date, no dice. PG County needs the tax revenue and game day traffic should be a breeze compared to Sundays in the fall. Plus, soccer fans are the coolest fans in the world! (except in England) O-le O-le-ole-ole.... Oo-leeeeee, Ooo-leeeee! It's a shame more Americans don't get soccer.

Don't be mad at the DC government, if there's any advice you I can give you. Nats Park is a miracle. Don't kid yourself about that. The fact that it was built, paid for and opened on time was an act brought about by God; no one involved in that whole fiasco has a right to tell you any different. God finally had had enough with MLB's and the city's dysfunction, put his foot down, slapped everyone across the head, closed the black hole of ineptitude for a few years and viola'... Baseball is back in Washington!

The DC government has been screwing things up for decades, and there's no end of that in sight. Abe Pollin built the Verizon Center without a dime from the city; if wasn't for that stubborn old bird's adamant desire to build that thing in Chinatown it would not have happened. Jack Kent Cooke tried to do the same thing for 15 years and build an even bigger stadium with even more of his own money and the District f*#ked it all up. It's the way things are there. I thinks it's written into the City bylaws: "Every other team that needs a stadium needs not get it, just because Marion Barry hasn't paid his taxes and needs extra cash for 'personal use'."

Don't be surprised or upset about this. (Unless of course the city soon strikes a deal with Dan Snyder to move the Skins to Poplar Point. Then you can scream all you want. I'll be right there with you.) It's the way things are in the District. Baseball shoved you to the side when the Expos were on the move and now you have to go to Raljon to watch a game. Big Deal! You have a team, a good one for that matter! Go spend money in Maryland. We need it here, too. I spent many a memorable night in Largo watching the Caps when I was growing up. Its okay there.

But, don't give up hope for Poplar Point. That could still happen. You never know with these things. Until ground is broken, anything can happen.

Dunn!

Okay, so the Lerners must have read my post from the other week and realized I was right. (Sound of me clearing my throat.) The Nationals today signed outfielder/first baseman Adam Dunn to a reported 2 year $20 million deal. "Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?!" *

I can't believe this. I am in shock. Can it be? Do the Nats have a chance to be relevant this season? Will Ryan Zimmerman hit 30 homers and drive in 100 runs now that he has protection in the lineup? If the pitching staff puts up slightly better numbers--and I mean slightly better numbers--do the Nats have a chance to finish near .500? I have been so engrossed in the hockey season (as well as so turned off by the Nationals failure to get the lefty bat that they had to get) that I never really thought about the on-field ramifications of signing Mark Texiera or Dunn. Now, the air is a bit crisper, the sky a bit bluer and I realize that Spring Training starts this weekend! My God! What will I wear?

So, look for an All Nats, All Baseball blog this spring. I've been kicking the idea around for a while now. I have the Caps blog and was thinking of doing one for the Nats to keep me busy in the summer. Now that the Nats have signed the lefty bat they so desperately needed, the new blog must be "Dunn".

I got another one: The Nats front office has finally shown that it is willing to do what it takes to get things "Dunn".

Okay, last one: I think with today's signing, its safe to say that the Washington Nationals off season is "Dunn".

*from the movie "Christmas Vacation"

And Now for Some More Hockey Names

Let's revisit the topic from last time: Hockey Names. There is no other sport out there, except perhaps for soccer, with so many goofy named athletes. The names I mentioned previously were just the perverted ones (or the ones my twisted mind perceived as perverted, that is). However, that is just the tip of the... cough...cough... iceberg.

I did some further research and found some dandies! The following are some names of players currently on NHL rosters.

First up, the emotionally named: Joseph Crabb, Ben Eager, Michael Funk. (I bet Michael wallows in misery and has yet to realize his potential. It's probably safe to say Ben is a pleaser and a big time ass-kisser. And lord knows I wouldn't want to run into Joseph in a dark alley).

How about the occupationally named? Travis Moen (lawn guy), Alex Hemsky (think Polish seamstress) and Tim Conboy (not all occupations are honorable, eh?).

Then there are the ones that are just really cool to say: Byron Bitz, Dustin Byfuglien (Bi-foog-lee-in), Nikolai Khabibulin (Ha-bee-boo-lin), Marek Zidlicky, Jarkko Ruutu, Jordin Tootoo and Jonathon Cheechoo (the fans in San Jose have train whistles for Cheech. Classic!)

There's Marty Reasoner from the Atlanta Thrashers. Can you imagine, a guy named "Reasoner" in a sport known for fisticuffs? The irony! Or Justin Abdelkader, (sounds like he is from a family who gave up the throne on more than one occassion. Don't think I'd want that kind of quitter on my team). Michael Frolik (or hair sucker, if you want to really go for the gross factor), Shawn Horcoff (a frequenter of brothels perhaps?), and Miroslav Satan ("Well isn't that special!").

Then there is Radek Bonk (no explanation needed), Mattius Ritola (Riii-toe-laaaaaaa!) and, of course John Oduya (who, might I mention is the only black Swede I have ever heard of. Jess, Karin? Can you verify this for me?)

Perhaps the best, and most puzzling name in the NHL belongs to a defenseman from the Boston Bruins, Shane Hnidy (pronounced Shea Nighty). What were this dude's parents thinking? A last name of Nighty is bad enough. You could have named him Bob or Rick Nighty and all would have been kosher. Brian or Patrick perhaps. But Shane? They never thought their kid would get his ass kicked by the other kids? Did they really want a son named after a french lingerie shop? I think his parents must have been not-so-distant cousins of Engelbert Humperdinck's parents. (Thank you Eddie Izzard!)

And finally, no investigation into strange hockey names is complete without mentioning my all-time favorite, Hakan Loob (pronounced Hock-in Lube). Hakan was a Swedish scoring right wing for the Calgary Flames from 1983 thru 1989. He now is a GM for a team in the Swedish Elite League. What a fantastic name! Great consonants, fun to say, very visual. If you ever watch hockey on TV, you can see all of the players spitting. Constantly. They aren't doing it to be gross; they are paying tribute to Hakan Loob, perhaps the greatest name in the history of hockey.

Hockey Names are the Best

I have a new favorite hockey player. Dustin Byfuglien of the Chicago Blackhawks was my favorite for the last few months just because I loved saying is name. Ba-foog-lee-in. Say it and draw it out. Baaa-fooooooooog-leee-iinnnn. As much as I will always hold a spot in my heart for Dustin, he has been replaced. My new favorite player plays for the New Jersey Devils. His name is John Oduya, pronounced, yup you guessed it, Oh-do-ya!

Anyone that knows me or reads this crap will know why I love this guy. Oduya. It's like Christmas in February! I wish the Caps would trade for John Oduya and John Van Rims Dick of the Flyers and put them on a line with Alexander Semin. We could put Brent Johnson in net, lovingly known as BJ. Then, the Caps could bring back their old play-by play guy Jeff Rimmer and have his color guy be Pete Peteers (Dick Dick to you regulars.) All we need is another defensemen and a forward with last names that are dripping with sexual innuendo and we would have the All Porn Team!

I await your emails with suggestions.

Waiting for something to be Dunn

I have to admit to all of you, I am the eternal optimist. I have faith that the ridiculous and improbable will happen at any moment. I believe that aliens will soon come to Earth and want to take me with them to explore the universe, much like they did with Richard Dreyfus in "Close Encounters"; that there will be peace in the Middle East any day now, which will cause a chain-reaction of peace that will ripple across the world turning the Earth into a Utopia; that the Washington Nationals will open there wallets and sign a free agent that will help them improve on a 102 loss season. I know what you are thinking and yes, I am quite the dreamer.

What the hell is going on down on South Capital Street? Things are so bad that Thomas Boswell from the Post, the resident baseball expert/fan reporter, has canceled his season tickets! Boz is so livid that the Nats owners haven't done a thing to make the team better in free agency he is boycotting the team. It's a buyers market out there, yet the Lerners are doing nothing, just treading water. I can't believe I am going to write this, but our Nats were better off when they were owned by Major League Baseball and playing in RFK. How the hell does this happen?

I'm just a guy who loves sports. I am no expert--although I play one on TV. The Lerners have spent money on the new stadium to improve the fan experience and have done an admirable job in addressing the parking fiasco. But other than that, they haven't done squat! For one, they apparently keep pissing off employees with their snails pace-business practices and drawn out work orders. They took the District to court for not having the Stadium finished on time--although the Nats played their first game in Nationals Park on March 30th last year, one day before any other team in MLB played a home game! Anyone who lives around here knows how contentious the stadium deal was to enact and approve. We know how fast that stadium was built. For the District to have pulled the whole thing off in such a short time frame borders on fantasy. I know business is cutthroat, but the Lerners spat in the face of the entire city, by being so scrooge-like in withholding $23 million in rent payments. MLB picked the Lerners due to the belief that they would spend money, connect to the fan base because of their local roots and make the Washington Franchise a brand name. Bud Selig must look more constipated than ever these days.

To see the Nats offer Mark Texiera all that cash to play here gave us all a false sense of security. That offer made waves in the baseball world. Every single person in the industry took notice: players, GMs, owners, fans! Washington's long drought of being irrelevant when it came to the national pastime was coming to a decisive and convincing end. Sure, no one really expected Texiera to come to DC, only perpetual optimists with no grip on reality thought we had a chance. (I held out hope until the bitter-Bronx-Bomber conclusion.) Everyone figured that after Tex went to NYC, the Nats would turn around and sign two or perhaps three above average players with that money and round on the corner an the way toward respectability. Au contraire, mon frere! The Nats have signed just two players: Ex-Oriole Daniel Cabrera--who is more a real life version of Nuke Laloosh without Crash Davis than number 1 starter--and Gary Glover who has a career record of 21 and 29, an ERA of 5.98 and... actually, who cares? I would have been more excited if we had signed Corey Glover! At least he's a glamour boy.

From what I can tell, management is being cautious about spending for obvious reasons. The economy is crashing; who knows what it will be like come July? The team wants to move forward with "The Plan", like the Caps did from 04-08, and build with draft picks and trades. Finally, and most important, when signing a 1st tier free agent, the team loses a first round pick as compensation. That certainly would hurt a rebuilding process. I think we all understand that. But, let's look at the facts here:

-No one knows what the economy is going to do. It's a crap shoot. But you can imagine if the Nats stand pat and sign no one of consequence, their economic situation will only get worse as they alienate fans, desperate for a baseball team that matters but ready to turn their venom on yet another Washington sports owner who takes the people who pay the bills for granted. (see: Snyder, Daniel M.)

-The Capitals signed a complimentary free agent or two every off-season to compliment their young nucleus (Ben Clymer in 05, Brian Pothier and Donald Brashear in 06, Michel Nylander in 07) before breaking out last December and becoming a contender. With the exception of Clymer, those guys are still with the club, each filling an important role.

-It is my understanding that when you sign a free agent in baseball, you must give up a draft pick as compensation. The type of pick is determined by how good the player is that is signed by another team. A first tier free agent means you give up your 1st round pick in the upcoming June draft. However, if your pick falls into the top three overall picks of the first round, than the team signing said free agent keeps their pick and the team losing the free agent gets a sandwich pick later in the 1st round. The team signing the free agent away loses lower picks as compensation. (Whew! Baseball is way too complicated.)

So, basically, the Nats would get to keep the number 1 pick in this years June Draft no matter what, so they can sign a top free agent (like Texiera) and still be in position to draft Steven Strasbourg (the consensus #1 rated player available). I think they would lose later picks as compensation, like the Cubs must have when they signed Alfonso Soriano away from us a few years back. (You might want to check me that last part. I didn't have time to read the thousands of pages of text and decipher the legalese. Anyone know a lawyer?)

But, in order to get compensation for a player about to become a free agent, a team has to tender said player a qualifying contract offer. The player can accept the offer--which rarely happens--or file for free agency. If the team doesn't offer him a qualifying contract offer, then that player can be signed for no compensation and truly is a "free agent". So, the Nats could sign Orlando Cabrera or Orlando Hudson and keep their top pick; they would just have to give up later round picks as compensation for those guys. But, are there any players out there, just two weeks before spring training begins, that would fill a need for the Nats and cost them nothing in compensation except the dollar amount on a contract? Well, as a matter of fact, there is!

Adam Dunn. Is he the answer? No. He isn't great in the field, he apparently has some sort of attitude, doesn't have great work ethic and only averages 40 homers and 110 RBI's every year for the past 5 seasons. As my mother like to say, "Heellooooooooo?!" The Nats need a big bat more than anything else. They have young pitchers in the system, and can probably get lucky with some pick ups in that area once or twice a year. But a heavy hitter is tough to find, especially one that will be a bargain. The Diamondbacks didn't offer Dunn a qualifying offer after this season. That means he can sign anywhere and no one has to give up squat. The Nats desperately need a bat behind Ryan Zimmerman. Dunn can play the outfield or first base, which is good since we all know Nick Johnson is as fragile as antique china in a pillowcase being tossed around a junkyard by epileptic blind men with no thumbs.

You know, Peter Angelos pulled this crap in Baltimore and look where it got the O-wee-oos? When was the last time the Pirates owners gave enough of a crap to make that team relevant? How many championships have the Rangers won? How does that saying go, "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it", or something like that? Why do these rich idiots all think they can do it better and fail so miserably? Don't they know what it means to repeat behavior over and over and expect different results? That is the definition of insane. And the Lerners are that indeed if they think the fans will still buy tickets in this economy to watch another 100 loss team scramble to score runs while the owners sit in their luxury box--built by a city that has yet to receive a single rent payment--while reviewing their 20 page work orders and not paying attention to the product on the field.