And Now for Some More Hockey Names

Let's revisit the topic from last time: Hockey Names. There is no other sport out there, except perhaps for soccer, with so many goofy named athletes. The names I mentioned previously were just the perverted ones (or the ones my twisted mind perceived as perverted, that is). However, that is just the tip of the... cough...cough... iceberg.

I did some further research and found some dandies! The following are some names of players currently on NHL rosters.

First up, the emotionally named: Joseph Crabb, Ben Eager, Michael Funk. (I bet Michael wallows in misery and has yet to realize his potential. It's probably safe to say Ben is a pleaser and a big time ass-kisser. And lord knows I wouldn't want to run into Joseph in a dark alley).

How about the occupationally named? Travis Moen (lawn guy), Alex Hemsky (think Polish seamstress) and Tim Conboy (not all occupations are honorable, eh?).

Then there are the ones that are just really cool to say: Byron Bitz, Dustin Byfuglien (Bi-foog-lee-in), Nikolai Khabibulin (Ha-bee-boo-lin), Marek Zidlicky, Jarkko Ruutu, Jordin Tootoo and Jonathon Cheechoo (the fans in San Jose have train whistles for Cheech. Classic!)

There's Marty Reasoner from the Atlanta Thrashers. Can you imagine, a guy named "Reasoner" in a sport known for fisticuffs? The irony! Or Justin Abdelkader, (sounds like he is from a family who gave up the throne on more than one occassion. Don't think I'd want that kind of quitter on my team). Michael Frolik (or hair sucker, if you want to really go for the gross factor), Shawn Horcoff (a frequenter of brothels perhaps?), and Miroslav Satan ("Well isn't that special!").

Then there is Radek Bonk (no explanation needed), Mattius Ritola (Riii-toe-laaaaaaa!) and, of course John Oduya (who, might I mention is the only black Swede I have ever heard of. Jess, Karin? Can you verify this for me?)

Perhaps the best, and most puzzling name in the NHL belongs to a defenseman from the Boston Bruins, Shane Hnidy (pronounced Shea Nighty). What were this dude's parents thinking? A last name of Nighty is bad enough. You could have named him Bob or Rick Nighty and all would have been kosher. Brian or Patrick perhaps. But Shane? They never thought their kid would get his ass kicked by the other kids? Did they really want a son named after a french lingerie shop? I think his parents must have been not-so-distant cousins of Engelbert Humperdinck's parents. (Thank you Eddie Izzard!)

And finally, no investigation into strange hockey names is complete without mentioning my all-time favorite, Hakan Loob (pronounced Hock-in Lube). Hakan was a Swedish scoring right wing for the Calgary Flames from 1983 thru 1989. He now is a GM for a team in the Swedish Elite League. What a fantastic name! Great consonants, fun to say, very visual. If you ever watch hockey on TV, you can see all of the players spitting. Constantly. They aren't doing it to be gross; they are paying tribute to Hakan Loob, perhaps the greatest name in the history of hockey.