Where's the Beech?

Caps Beat Jagr-led Rangers




Your Nations' Capitals beat the New York Rangers Saturday night 3-1, making up for a 5-0 tookus-whipping handed to them Thursday by Carolina, the defending Stanley Cup Champions. Olie Kolzig--Godzilla to us Caps faithful--was stellar in the net, once again. He was a brick wall that the high powered Rangers could not break through. The former Penguin, Jaromir Jagr, didn't solve Zilla and was booed heavily all night by the almost full Verizon Center. The Caps almost played a complete game. They had one defensive lapse. And when you play with a suspect defense--as Redskins fans will tell you--sometimes it doesn't matter how much you score, but how well you defend. The Caps played 57 minutes of fabulous hockey. They out played the Rangers for almost the entire game and secured the much needed win. Things are looking much better on "F" Street than last year.


However, there was one infuriating moment in the game, a moment that Caps fans have seen so many times over the past 10 years. With 1 minute and 51 seconds left to go, the Rangers were on a power play, swarming around the Caps Net. Suddenly, Kolzig gave up a goal, the score reaching 3-1 and ruining Olie's chance at the shut out. AGAIN!!!!
Holy crimony! I can not tell you the number of times that Kolzig has taken a shut out into the last 5 minutes of a game, only to watch it disappear due to defensive breakdowns or unlucky bounces. Kolzig is not the shut out machine that Martin Brodeur is, but Kolzig could have at least a dozen more or shutouts on his resume if he and the Caps could finish a freaking game.

Now, a win is a win. I'll take it. I know a meaningless goal in the waning minutes of a win means nothing. (Okay, if you play fantasy hockey, that one goal the Caps gave up was 65 points off of your total for the night). The Caps were supposed to be terrible this year, and their current record is 7-5-4. I'll take that. (The 4 stands for overtime losses, for all of you readers who don't give a hoot about hockey and have continued to read on anyway. You readers are my favorites, by the way. And I love you.) With their current record and exciting young players, the Caps have a legitimate shot at making the playoffs this year and beyond.

But the lost shutout still frosts my little red wagon. Kolzig is much more than an average goalie. Drafted in the 1989 draft in the first round, it took Kolzig 8 years to finally take over the #1 goaltending job here iin Washington. He hasn't given it up since Bill Ranford got hurt to start the '97 season, and Godzilla has racked up more wins and shut outs than any netminder in Washington Capitals history. Not to mention, he was a huge factor (perhaps the deciding factor) in the Caps run to the Cup Finals in 1998. Many teams around the league would kill for a goalie who gets better when he faces more shots. Despite the suspect defense, Kolzig usually turns in a spectacular performance most evenings.

But, a shutout would be...(sigh). Kolzig has Mike Mussina disease. How many times did Mussina take a shutout, a 1 hitter or no-hitter into the 7th, 8th or 9th inning, only to give up a solo homer, a bloop single or a ground ball with eyes. A lot, trust me! I used to be gay for Mussina more than any other athlete in sports, except for John Druce (which I still am, by the way). I watched 95% of Mussina's starts from '92 until he left for the Yankees. He was oh-so-close so many times. The difference between the two is that Kolzig wanted to stay here in DC and Mussina took the money--not to mention the better chance of winning a title--and headed to the Big Apple. Of course, Mussina didn't get that title. Sorry Mike. Um, actually, No I'm not. Traitor...

Kolzig is probably my favorite Capital, with Brian Sutherby a close second. I love Alex Ovechkin, but I'm a sentimental guy. Kolzig wanted to stay with the Caps when they traded all their high priced players away and started to rebuild. After keeping his team competitive in oh-so-many games last year and seeing what a special player Ovechkin was, he decided to sign a contract extension and stay in Washington. We all know how rare it is in today's sports world for a player to want to start and finish his career in one city. I say Kolzig deserves it. I know most of you would agree. If you don't you should. So many guys leave town for the money and they don't care if the city they leave ever wins a title. Some care so much about their adopted city that they would sacrifice their title hopes to bring one "home". Olie the Goalie is that special player. Now, if we could send him into retirement after he drinks from the Cup, then that would be a story book ending.

Where's the Beech?

The Washington Capitals have many a young player that they hope will translate into a Stanley Cup Championship in the future. Most of those players the Caps acquired thru the draft; some came from trades when the Caps dumped salary after the 2004 season in an effort to build from the ground up. Very few were signed as free-agents, althought the ones signed--like current Captain Chris Calrk and winger Ben Clymer--have been solid and integral parts of this teams maturation process. One player on the current roster actually has the distinction of being acquired by two out of the three mentioned above. Center Kris Beech was drafted, then traded, then traded for by the Caps in about a 5 year period.

Beech was drafted 7th overall by the Caps in the 1st round in 2000. He was supposed to be the next great Caps center. However, in a brain fart reserved for Isiah Thomas, Caps GM George Mcphee then traded Beech in a package deal that brought the former Penguin Jaromir Jagr to DC before the start of the 2001 season. Beech never broke into the Penguins lineup and was traded to Nashville. Last spring, the Caps reacquired Beech when they traded disgruntled defensemen Brenden Witt to the Nashville Predators, also receiving a first round pick in the process. Whew! Did you follow all that?


Beech was supposed to be the next great center for the Caps. He had size, he had skill and he could score. If he didn't score, he set up his teammates. But, when the Caps realized Jagr could be theirs, they jumped at the chance. Beech was part of a three player package dealt for the former Penguin. Since that trade, Beech has spent most of his time in the minors, seemingly unable to crack an NHL roster. It looked like the Caps stole Jagr for nothing. The other two guys in that trade (Michel Sivek and a guy I can not recall, nor can anyone else) are currently not in the league and have fallen off the radar altogether.


But Beech played solid hockey with the Caps last year. He ended the season in Hershey with the Caps minor league affiliate which won the AHL Memorial Cup last spring. This year, Beech might have been an after thought. However, he and Russian phenom Alexander Semin clicked in spring training and they opened the season together, on the Caps second line. Beech played good hockey. Semin scored 8 goals in 7 games. Beech was the Caps top face-off man thru the first 9 games and assisted on 4 of Semin's goals. It looked like that Beech had finally found his grove and was realizing his potential... with his original club after being a throw in in the Witt trade. Wow! That is unbelievable luck! How often do teams give up on a guy and get him back by accident and see him mature into the player evaryone hoped he could become? Except, there is one problem: Beech has ridden the Capitals bench for the last 10 games. A healthy scratch. No explanation. No injury reported. Just a spectator. Curious.


I do not know if it is just a coincidence, but Semin hasn't scored a goal since Beech was benched. The Caps haven't played any worse without Kris in the line-up, but it makes you wonder if they couldn't have pulled out another win or two with Beech on the ice, setting up Semin like he did for the first few games in '06, instead of being "Stat Boy" in the press box.


Now I've read the message boards and searched for answers myself, but there are none to be found. (I'm sure many of you are shocked to hear that I don't have a source deep inside the Caos organization, I'm working on it.) Caps coach Glen Hanlon denies Beech's demotion was for any other reason than to give some younger guys like Jakub Klepis and Tomas Fleichmann extended looks with the parents club. The Caps traded some big name players for a a few of their current prospects and I understand that the Caps want to see what those young-uns can do. With the Caps winning more than last year at this point, even with Beech watching from the press box, how can you blame them?

There are lots of ideas and thoughts out there, but here are mine:

1. The Caps know what they have with Beech. He's 24, he plays solid offense, is great on the face-off and plays above average defense. The other guys are younger with, perhaps, more upside and the Caps want to see how far away these other guys are from becoming NHL players. Other clubs may take notice as well.

2. The Caps might be ready to accelerate their rebuilding plan and want to showcase their talent in the hopes they can land a stud defensemen for some of their younger talent. Ed Jovanowski of the pitiful Phoenix Coyotes comes to mind. Jovo-Cop would be a huge addition to Washingtons' D-corps and might go a long way to solidifying the Caps pourous "D".

3. Beech could have ruffled the wrong feathers and earned himself a benching. I doubt this, since he still has minor league options and talks the talk about team and not the individual. Or he is hurt, and the Caps aren't acknowledging it, which is their normal routine when in comes to injuries.

My prediction is that the Caps trade for a top-flight "D" man, and Beech could be a part of that package. I hope not. Klepis, although fast and talented, has not played with the same reliability as Beech did in his first ten games. Fleichmann lights up the minors, but has yet to transfer that scoring to the NHL level. All three are approximately the same age, 24, 22, and 23, respectively. Plus, the Caps have loads of talent in the minors, extra draft picks from past trades and last years first round pick, Swedish center Niklas Backstrom--who at last count was leading the Swedish league in scoring as an 18 year old--waiting in the wings. Beech deserves more than just one more look. I think he has earned it.

Backstrom most likely will be with the Caps next season, skipping the minors and centering a line with either Ovechkin or Semin. What the Caps need now, and in the future, is defense. They have some potentially great offensive gems playing in their system right now, but they are lacking on defense. Their plan was to build over the next few years with young players and draft picks. But, if they continue to hover around .500 and have a chance to upgrade their defense substantially now, some of those young guys might just be the gunpowder in a huge trade for a quality defensemen or two. They can hope that some of the other minor leaguers canfill the roster vacancies created by the departure of aging vets via free agency after this year and the trading some of the young guys who may or may not realize their potential before they are worth nothing.

So, if Kris beech gets traded, we better get some good defenseman in return. Beech's journey to this point has been a whirlwind trip, and there may not be a spot for him on the roster next year. But with Semin's slump and the plethora of young studs in the minors, I say play Beech and see what happens. I'm in the tank for Beech. Hopefully, the Caps are to.

Riddle me this...Riddle me that...

Michael Nylander was named as the "Third Star" on nhl.com for his performance against the Caps on Saturday. Nylander scored a meaningless powerplay goal with less than two minutes left in a game the Caps won 3 to 1. Why?! Olie Kolzig stopped 41 shots during the game. Not to mention, the Caps Boyd Gordon scored his first goal in three years plus assisted on the Caps 3rd goal. Tomas Vokoun of the Nashville Predaotors pitched a shutout in his game and... oh. Scratch that. nhl.com didn't update thier website until after 2am west coast time. I thought things were didfferent here on the west coast. I thought they would would post that stuff by 1am East Coast time. Guess i was wrong. Forget it.



all photos courtesey of Yahoo! sports

So many moments to Cherish

There are so many things I can write about today when it comes to Washington Sports. I could write about your Nations Capitals' respectable start. I could write about how the Caps beat the lowly Flyers on Saturday to end an 8 year winless drought in The City of Brotherly Shove. It is news worthy, for some of us anyway, since the Broad Street Bullies were suppsosed to be good this year and your Nations Capitals were supposed to stink.

Or, perhaps, I could write about how the Maryland Terrapins have climbed into the top 25 in the nation after their last second win on Saturday. Certainly worthy of a good article, with the new powerhouses in the ACC and the incredible job Coach "Fridge" has done for the Terps.

How about the Redskins improbable win on Sunday against the Tuna and the hated Cowboys? Arguably one of the craziest Skins/Boys game in history. Or how Nick Novak may have finally begun his professional career in the NFL with the rare "Do-Over" that transpired Sunday at FedexField? Worthy of the front page? I certainly think so.

Of course, I'm sure most of you expect me to write about the turn-around the Redskins are about to pull off and go 9-0 to finish the season and win the NFC East, on their way to their fourth Super Bowl Championship under the second coming of Lombardi, Coach Joe Gibbs.

I would write about all of those things after any other given Sunday, but instead I think it is my responsibility to write about what really is important, yet another sign of the coming Apocalypse... And that would be the sight of Bill Parcells seeking out his arch-nemesis Joe Gibbs after the another game to add to the weird file in the Redskins/Cowboys Rivalry, possibly the strangest game I have ever witnessed in my 33 years here on the third rock from the sun.

Parcells actually smiled and shook Gibbs' hand after Novak hit the winner with no time left. He shook his head and smiled! Things are weird in the world today, as we all know. But the Tuna smiling after a loss? To borrow from the Sicilian in the Princess Bride, "Inconceivable!"

Parcells seems to be finally enjoying the game of football, with all of its quirks and twists and turns. The Tuna of the Giants Era would never have sought out Gibbs after a loss. He usually just ran off the field and, in his news conference, called some of his players "girls" or losers, showing his anger and frustration. Even after wins, Parcells never smiled. He was always angry--he always looked upset. Not on Sunday; he just ran across the field , smiled and kind of acknowledged the obvious, which in the eyes of a 'Skins fan was, "What the hell just took place?"

Last week, the Tuna slapped Tony Romo on the ass after the Cowboys beat the Panthers. Huh? Before that, he grabbed Totally Obnoxious by the hat and gave it a twist...with a smile! Huh...HUH? What is going on with Parcells? The Tuna is good friends with Bobby Knight. He is old school. Win or lose, Parcells always finds something to be upset about. The only times I've ever seen him smile was when he got the Gatorade dumped on his back in 86 and 90. Is the end near? Is Parcells enjoying his time now because this is his farewell tour, and he just isn't telling us? If he smacks Totally Obnoxious on the ass in the next few weeks, I think that would say it all.

John's Rumors and Predictions

Today is the debut of the newest feature I have come up with. These are rumors and predictions that I have heard, that I would like to see happen, or have made up completely. This was fun, so expect to see it again.

-T.J. Ducket will take over as the feature back in the Redskins offense (after Clinton Portis, Rock Cartwright and Ladell Betts all come down with the avian flu) and will run for 327 yards against the Eagles . That will extend the Skins winning streak to 2, on their way to just missing the playoffs by seasons end. Ducketts performance will end up costing the Redskins the conditional 1st rounder that was part of the trade that brought TJ to town. (Look it up! A third rounder and conditional 1st. Worst trade in Redskins history, barely edging out the Sean Gilbert debacle.)

-Nick Novak, former Maryland kicker and all time leading scorer in ACC history after a shaky beginning to his college career, will go on to win four more crucial games for the Redskins, on his way to becoming the all-time leading scorer in NFL history.

-The Washington Nationals will hire Don Baylor as their new manager by next week, bringing on board the teaching and players' manager that Joe Girardi wishes he could be.

-The Washington Wizards will trade Brendan Haywood to the National Heart foundation for a healthy heart that will average 20 minutes, 7 points, 6 rebounds and 2 blocks for the Wizards this season.

-Brendan Haywood will be released from the National Heart Foundation for not having a heart.

-Bill Parcells will slap his big ass (wide out Terrell Owens) and immediately retire from football when the Cowboys lose their final game. The loss will be a direct result of losing quarterback Tony Romo when Romo breaks his throwing arm after getting in an altercation with former Wizards center Brendan Haywood when Haywood's agent calls Romo a Homo.

-The Washington Capitals will trade three young prospects (I say Tomas Fleischmann, Brooks Laich and Hershey defenseman Jeff Schultz) to the Phoenix Coyotes for stud D man Ed Jovanowski. Phoenix is a mess, and unless they start winning, they will dump salary, handing the Caps the much needed blueline Stud they so desperately need.

-The Diving Whiner (Penguins star Sidney Crosby) and his resurgent Penguins get the new arena deal they have sought for years, keeping the Pens in Pittsburgh. (I said it before and I will say it again, the NHL fixed the draft lottery to ensure the Pens were able to draft Crosby, rookie phenom Evgeny Malkin, and Jordan Staal--former member of the New Kids On The Block-- and Ray Whitney so they wouldn't lose the Pittsburgh market.)

-The New York Rangers, off to a slow start, are finally seeing the effects that the former Penguin Jaromir Jagr has on his team when he is around for more than a year. Like I predicted, Jagr and the Rangers choked in the first round of last years playoffs. This years Ranger prediction? A 6th place finish, only because of Brendan Shanahan, and another early exit come April. Jagr likes golf, and we all know how good the weather turns come mid-April.

-Tiger Woods will bitch-slap new Ryder-cup captain Paul Azinger at his first practice for questioning his desire to win and leadership skills.

-The Washington Capitals winger, Alexander Semin is having problems scoring after tallying 8 goals in his first 5 games. Look for Semin to explode in the coming games.

-Look for Your Nations Capitals to make the playoffs, beat the Penguins and the Diving Whiner in the first round before losing in the 2nd round in 7 games.

-Finally, I predict the San Jose Sharks will win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Buffalo Sabres in six games, bringing the first Stanley Cup Championship to the great state of California.

Here's to the American People, who went to the polls on Tuesday and took back our our government from the oil companies. We sent a message to the Bush Administration that we want change and we want it now before the "Rapture" takes Bush and his advisers away before we can indict them.

All photos courtesy of Yahoo! Sports

Brad Saves the World

I read something on yahoo.com the other day so incredulous and un-nerving that I actually grabbed my rosary and said a few Hail Mary's. Then after a few Bloody Mary's, I was able to sit and write this down. Please excuse my slurred speech, but urgent news takes precedent over a drunken Irish-American.

Brad Pitt announced to the world the other day that unless all people, gay or straight, are allowed to marry whomever they want--same sex or the opposite sex--then he would never marry Angelina Jolie. What?!?! Brad, please... No! The whole world wouldn't be able to handle Brangelina living in sin! Wars have been waged over lesser things. Don't leave the world on the brink of Armageddon, I beg you!

Think about this; Brad left Jennifer Aniston to be with Jolie. Obviously, Aniston must be nuttier than a fruit-cake for Pitt to dump her! Maybe Brad wanted someone less selfish. Someone who adopts orphaned Asian children to give them a better life; someone who is a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations; someone who wore Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck. You know, someone normal.

The world stood up and took notice when Brad and Angelina hooked up during the shooting of their film Mr and Mrs. Smith. We scoured the tabloids to see when the wedding would take place, didn't we? We broke out our best clothes so we could flock to the church and give them our warmest wishes. Women wanted to cry over the loss of the bachelor-Pitt and see what exotic crap Jolie would wear. (Guys would go strictly to see if Angelina's tits are really that big.) Of course we did all that! You know why? Because our lives suck. Life doesn't give us low-lifes any happiness. Therefore, we must live thru so-so actors and their domestic exploits.

Brad and Angelina became an overnight Michael Jackson and Lisa-Marie...perfect for each other and perfect for us, the American People, because they were...fucked-up! Just Like ourselves! What better way to make ourselves feel better than to watch two weirdos cause such a fervor that normal people put down their copies of War and Remembrance, Anna Corrinana and Harry Potter and the Dubiously Capitalistic Author and pick up the last 97 issues of The National Enquirer?! Only Brad Pitt can tease such an audience. (Well, and maybe George Clooney)

But, to our dismay, nothing was ever in the tabloids about these two love birds. Rumor has it the couple had a baby, but since there wasn't a single word or picture in the National Enquirer, I'm not sure that that piece of gossip is actually true. Surely, such a fine, upstanding Hollywood couple would wait until wed-lock to consummate their relationship. (Don't they all?)

Seriously, I don't think Angelina ever wanted to marry Mr. Pitt. She is all about the unattainable...the chase. Brad finally realized that. (I guess D-cups blind a man for an undetermined amount of time.) He got out of a relationship with a woman (Aniston)--who is apparently crazier than a recovering alcoholic working in a Jagrmeister distillery--and now realizes he he has no shot at wedding the wholesome Angelina.

Pitt's defense of gay-marriage is well-meant, but severely flawed. I think he is using that as a way to save face and put a "The Government Ruined My Nuptials with Jolie because the Government won't let Gay People Marry Gay People" spin on it. Nice try. But, come on, there has to be a better way. I am for Gay marriage. I think people who love each other and are able to teach their kids right from wrong and raise them to be good people should be able to marry anyone they want. A stable home life, whether with a mom and dad or with a mom and mom or a dad and a dad, is worth much more than a life with parents who don't love each other and make each other pay for it by putting their kids in the middle of every ridiculous argument.

I am glad Pitt used a social topic that would grab attention, like gay marriage. Unfortunately, I think he is barking up the wrong hole. He needs to find those heads-of state whose heads are far down those oils wells, and try to get something more acceptable passed. I'm afraid the current administration and the religious right could care less about him and his hemoglobin-necklaced bride to be, and attacking them on gay marriage will just fall on deaf ears. Now, if he had said pull the troops out of an un-just war in Iraq and give the prisoners in Guantonomo Bay a right to due process...well, maybe some of us would have something different to say. Put those on trial who committed atrocities against their fellow man and let the courts decide thier fate. Then, gay marriage would seem so much less of a hot button issue in the grand scheme of the universe, now wouldn't it.

Maui Wowee

For the past week, Julia and I have been on the beautiful island of Maui, one of the Hawaiian Islands for those of you who never paid attention in history class. If you have never been, its amazing here. Hawaii is certainly not overrated, with crystal clear, blue green water and lush tropical vegetation. It is, quite literally, an Island Paradise.

I jumped off this waterfall a few times (although my friend Steven--standing on top of the falls in this picture-- dove and looked much more graceful than my fat-ass), and the drive from Wailea to Hana was perhaps the most beautiful drive I have ever taken. The only problem was the one lane road and the morons driving in front of us. They had to have been from the great state of Pennsylvania.

The water is incredible. I've never seen anything so blue! The waves are big, although it is summer now, so they get 4x bigger in the winter. I just could not imagine... they seem pretty big to me now. If you want my advice, take the drive to Hana if you come here and see the Hawaii you hear about and see in the movies.

The hotel had a great corral reef right of the beach. Every evening the sun set behind the Island of Lanai to the West... spectacular! I took pictures of sunset almost everyday at dusk. Not to mention pictures of the scuba-meca of little Molokini just to the south. Everywhere I've been, there has been something awe-inspiring. At this rate, I should be a professional photographer in a few months.

But, there is one thing that leaves a blemish, although a small one; all of the abandon cars on the side of the roads. You can't drive 15 minutes in any direction with out passing a rusted or burned-out wreck. Most were covered with graffiti and all of them were missing their rear-wheels. Seriously, we must have passed 10 junkers on the 52 mile drive to Hana. But, there was a silver-lining. Not only did the beauty of the island and the sites along the way make up for abandon autos...

...someone abandoned their old, dirty volvo. An island paradise, beautiful scenery, crystal-clear water, and plenty of places to dump your used volvo. What more could you ask for?

The End of the Summer Doldrums

Its mid-August, loyal readers, and it has been quite a summer. It has been a summer of highs and lows; good and bad. Actually, it's been one crazy roller coaster after another. My stomach is a mess! But, I think things happen for a reason. I think you deal with what life throws at you the best you can and the rewards come when you least expect it. If you couldn't handle it, god wouldn't put you thru it, you know?

The weather is great here in Northern California, and things are calming back down. After such a trying summer, I can not think of a better time to start ranting again about all the things that I treasure so dearly; like how I finally bit the bullet and signed up for a fantasy football league. Or how I get to go to Hawaii for the first time, or how the NFL regular season is just around the corner. That's when I get to root-root-root for my Beloved Redskins yet again!

That's right, everyone, football season is just around the corner. Training camps are in full swing, players and coaches are refining their systems, preseason games have already begun... and big name players are already falling by the wayside. Clinton Portis, Curtis Martin, Terrell Owens and Steve Smith all have injuries that may threaten to keep them out the beginning of the season.

Not to mention all the players getting arrested or suspended. The Browns center Alonzo Ephraim was suspended for 4 games for violating the leagues drug policy. Vikings receiver Koren Robinson was arrested for Driving While Intoxicated after he refused to pull over when police clocked him doing 100 mph. (Robinson had similar problems in Seattle that threatened his career. Seems like they didn't clear up the way the Vikings had hoped.) Not to mention all of the Bengals who have been locked up over the summer. Looks like the police and doctors are going to busy again this year, huh?

Now that the usual shenanigans are underway, I do have one gripe. Why the hell is no one mentioning the Redskins as a favorite to go deep into the playoffs? Seriously! This year they have better depth, a better offensive coordinator, no LaVar distraction and two speedy receivers to complement an offense that already has Chris Cooley, Clinton Portis and Santana Moss--the latter two who set single-season Redskin records in yards for a running back and receiver, respectively. Mark Brunell has seen better days, but with more weapons to throw to and Cooley as his safety valve, I think this year's version of the Redskins will have a much more potent offense, will put up more points than last year and their defense will shut people down. I'm not necessarily saying Super Bowl, but they will go further than last year. Mark my words. (If you know me, my record as a prognosticator is about as reliable as a Norv Turner-coached team facing a must win game. Bet at your own risk.)

With pre-season football now in full swing, it can only mean one thing... Hockey training camp starts in 6 weeks! Hallelujah!! Can't everyone feel the excitement? Haven't you all been as miserable as I've been since the Caps failed to make the playoffs and the Sharks lost to the Oilers in the first round? Does your heart ache and mind wander in this hockeyless void we fans call summer? Do any of you even know what I'm talking about? How many of you actually know which cities the three teams I just mentioned play their home games? If you don't know at least one city, then you will have to deal with God's wrath on your own. I won't help you... Pitiful.

I can't wait to see The Big O this year and I wonder what he will do to makes us jump out of our seats this winter. I can not wait to see if your Nation's Capitals are any better this year after finishing much better than they began. I wonder if Carolina can repeat as Cup champs? I wonder if Joe Thornton will shrug off the playoff curse and take the Sharks deep into the playoffs. I wonder how long it will take Jaromir Jagr to start bitching and moaning this year?


(Remember last year? I said after the Rangers started the season on a torrid pace that it was only a matter of time before they collapsed and Jagr would start to whine and pout. Well, the Boys in Blue fell apart in the second half, lost in the first round of the playoffs and the former-Penguin defended himself by pointing out he finished second in the regular season in points and goals. He didn't have much to show for in the playoffs when it counted, however. I give him until late January before he starts moaning about his coach, his teammates or both. And that's giving him more time than I actually believe it will take.)

Useless Rants

• Kudos to the Washington Nationals top-brass for not trading Alfonso Soriano at the trade deadline. I understand the temptation to trade your best player for young talent in an effort to build for the future, but except for one incident in Spring Training--when Soriano refused to play left field in a meaningless exhibition game--Number 12 has been the Nationals best player. He is on pace for 40 steals, a .290 average and he has a shot to be the first Washington baseball player to hit 50 homeruns. Ever. The fans love him, his teammates love him and he insists that he wants to stay in the city. The front-office needs to sign him in the off-season before he hits the open market as a free-agent. That way, they can keep fannies in the seats, attract a better class of free agents and sell tickets to that new stadium that the city and baseball are still squabbling over. If they can't re-sign Soriano, the two-first round picks they would receive for him signing elsewhere would still bolster the Nats depleted farm system. Seems like a win-win situation to me.
  
• Its mid-August, and Terrell Owens is already making waves. He's hurt right now (pulled hamstring); he says he has let go of the past--yet still keeps ripping Eagles QB Donovan McNabb, Eagles head coach Andy Reid and the Eagles whenever he does an interview; and Coach Parcells is starting to get pissy about all the hub-bub over his temperamental wide-out. Hey, Tuna! How bad do you think it's gonna be when T.O. starts complaining on the sidelines and after games about what a jerk you are and how he needs the ball more? You thought ME-Shawn was a handful... Just wait until you get a load of T.O., which you loyal readers will remember stands for "Totally Obnoxious".
  
  
• Its August, like I said before, and I see things have returned to normal in Red Sox Nation. After leading the AL East for most of the year, the Red Sox currently sit second behind (SURPRISE!) the surging New York Yankees. This has happened every year since 1918. Except, of course, for the 2004 season, which we all now know was a hiccup in the normal tradition of the Boston Red Sox. I wish it were not true, but I'm afraid it is. Damn Yankees.
  
• Isiah Thomas fired Larry Brown (the coach who has won everywhere he coached, even when he was with the Clippers, for god's sake!) after last year because the Knicks were terrible. How could a team with Eddie Curry (bad heart), Stephon Marbury (no heart), and Stevie Francis (no brain) ever lose? To fix the problem, Thomas signed Jared Jeffries away from the Wizards. Last time I looked, Jeffries was a good defender but couldn't make a lay-up to save a season. Who's letting Isiah run the show in the Big Apple anyway? Someone needs their head checked. Isiah Thomas has a track record: as a player, he was great. As a GM, he stinks. I don't mean "not good" stinks, I mean "raw sewage, septic tank uncleaned for 20 years" stink. And believe me, I now what that smells like.
  

Summer's Here and the Time is Right...

Well, I finally have had things here in California settle down a bit and it looks like I will be back to my once a week-useless-rantings very soon. Moving your life across the country is extremely taxing on the body and mind. Whew!

I'll keep this update short, for I have only a little time to chat at the moment. Work is going well. The work on my house is finished (...for the moment. There is a phase 2 that is in the planning stages. More on that later.)
and I have moved in, much to the delight of my father who finally got his office back! It was a nice project to start with; I worked with our subs, changed gears from the retired mindset, left the pizza-making mindset behind and am back in the construction life. I will post before during and after pictures soon of the work we did on my abode later this week.

We started work on the "Villa on the Mountain" last week. I will be posting pictures and keeping you all up to date as things progress. The place has loads of potetial. It is a virtual empty canvas. I can't wait to get things rolling.

As for me personally, I've met some new friends, explored a lot and... well, here's a picture that sums up how I am holding up here in Northern California. Life is good!

Going Back To Cali

Ok, I made it to California. What a trip, dude!!! I'm still in flux and I want to tell all of you about our trip, but I need to get some things together. I expect to be back posting once a week or more in a week or two, but you know me! Ryan and I had a blast! Brian Brian Fox is doing well. His lovely wife Jen and their adorable daughter Anderson seem to put up with him very well. We hit many states and took a crap-load of pictures, but Ryan hasn't gotten off his rear-end yet, so my picture show is, as of now, incomplete. That's my fault. His camera was better, so he took more picturess than I did. Stay tuned for the complete trip collage (that's french, so you know) and I will recap all the places and people that we visited. I won't leave anyone out, except for the dealer in Vegas who made fun of my drunk-ass and took all my chips.

Hope you all are well and I will be in touch soon. Hope the weather back East is better than here. Its 68, partly cloudy and no humidity. How is it there?

And now for Sports:

I went to San Jose with my brother Billy last Sunday to see the Sharks against the Avalanche and I learned one thing: The hottest women in any sport's-market go to hockey games. Holy Moly! Not to mention that the place was packed and Joe Thornton is the Man! Even though the Rink is one and a half hours from my house, it was well worth the trip...even if you include the parking ticket I got for parking illegally. It was for $51.00 dollars. Not $50.00, but $51.00. 'Cause that dollar makes a huge difference, right?

Anyway, the Sharks won, I saw Joe Sakic and Alex Tanguay, Joe Thornton and Jonathon Cheechoo play (Cheech, to the locals) and we had a blast. Hockey does exist here, in its distinctive form, so I'm pretty happy. I miss my Caps, but once I get the Direct TV package, I'll be able to over-load on Hockey more than ever! That's my heroin, people...just less harmful.

How 'Bout Them Cowboys?!

So, the Cowboys cut Keyshawn Johnson so they could sign Terrell Owens? Talk about cutting off your johnson to get another dick... I can't say I'm surprised. Jerry Jones has usually signed the biggest assholes in the league since he bought the team: Jimmie Johnson, Barry Switzer, Michael Irvin, Deion Sanders... All the more reason to hate the Cowboys, I say. This a match made in heaven. Did you all know that T.O. stands for "Totally Obnoxious"? Seems to me that the only place better for T.O. to play other than Philly, would be Dallas. Although, he could have probably made it in New York. Go Skins!

The "No's":

I had a whole thing planned out to write about the Washington Nationals on my trip across the continent. How they didn't have a stadium; how they didn't have an owner; how even their name was tied up in court over copyright infringement! Hell, throw in Alfonso Soriano's refusal to play left field instead of second base--where he is only the worst fielding second baseman in the past 50 years--and I thought I had a case to rename the team the "No's"; No owner, no stadium, no name. Unfortunately, the stadium deal got done, the team name-dispute got settled out of court, and Soriano has a greed to play left field all season. I had a joke 9 days ago, but I'm to late to get the laughs. Story of my life. Baseball should name an owner so this Kangeroo B.S. finally ends, right Nat Fans'!?

As always, I love you all. Keep it real, but not too real. My story of the trip is coming soon. Peace out, dawgs!

Going to California with an Aching in my Heart

Hello loyal readers. Sorry I haven't been in touch for so long. If you have yet to hear, I am currently relocating to the West Coast. That is why I haven't posted anything in so long. I never realized how much crap I had until I started packing! But fear not, I will be resuming my normal B.S. in a week or so, just in time to pan the USA hockey team and continue my nail-biting coverage of the current NHL season. So, please, bear with me while I go thru this mind-boggling change.

Actually, I will be employed again! Retirement sucks! I've been so bored, I'm actually going to go work with my father in Cali. We will be rehabbing old and fixer-upper houses in the Petaluma area (about 45 minutes north of the Bay area). I'm excited, although my dogs are a bit confused and my cat has disappeared. (She must know what's going to happen.)

So, to all of you here in the DC area, I encourage you to e-mail me or call me (my numbers will remain the same) and come visit if you get the chance. Plus, I'll probably get to write about the Sharks a little bit (the NHL San Jose Sharks, for all you novices) and expand my hockey credentials from coast to coast. Not to mention, I'll get a front row seat to BASH Barry Bonds! Life is good!

Ryan and I will be driving cross-country starting Friday. I will try to blog my way across the Southern US, so keep a look out. If not, I'll be back to my usual shit around St. Patty's Day. Take care and I'll see you all soon. Open invitation to all of you who are loyal readers. The rest of you, enjoy Maryland. Haha!

John

Hopeful Season Ends In the Rain

Thank the Gods I do not have to go to Detroit for the Super Bowl! Do you know how cold it is up there in February? Its cold. Real cold. Religiously cold! I knew the Skins wouldn't make it. Really, I did...

Okay, that is not true. I was holding out hope that Gibbs would duplicate the magic from his other second year (1982) when the Skins won the first of three titles under Gibbs. I had this crazy notion that history would repeat itself. I, however, was wrong. The Skins faltered badly in the rain, in the Emerald City and they came home three victories short of a title. This was not what I envisioned a few weeks ago.

Even though it only took me a few hours to get over the defeat, I had trouble finding the right words for this article. I tried all week to come up with something to say about the loss, but found myself unsuccessful in typing the right thing. We seemed so close! I was hoping that the loss of Randy Thomas, Renaldo Wynn, and Ray Brown wouldn't matter. I prayed Clinton Portis would hold up physically and our offense would find its stride. I hoped someone else besides Chris Cooley and Santana Moss would catch a pass!

Alas, the Redskins lost to Seattle and now my uncle and my cousins, the Seahawk fans, get to hang out in Detroit and watch their 'Hawks play in their first Super Bowl. Congrads, West Coast Hoesch's! I, on the other hand, can't wait until next year! Hopefully... well, you can imagine what I hope happens in 2006.


Just Some Things to Consider:

• As of Monday, January 23rd, Alex Ovechkin had 4 more goals (33) than former Cap Jaromir Jagr (29). Ovechkin ranks 7th in the league scoring race with 62 points, 10 points behind Jagr's league-leading 72. Ovechkin leads all Rookies in scoring and is 9 points ahead of the "Diving Whiner", Sidney Crosby.

• From this day forward, I will no longer refer to Jaromir Jagr as a former Capital, I will refer to him as a former Penguin. That's where he should have stayed, as far as I'm concerned. After the Rangers hot start this year, Jagr and his fellow Blue-shirts have lost 7 out of 10. Yeah, like we didn't see that coming. He'll be begging out of New York by November, 2006.

• Shout out to my boy Archie Kao! Dude, I've gotten a lot of material out of you being a Power Ranger. Thanks! I owe you. Next time I'm in L.A. to pitch a movie script, we'll do lunch.

• I had someone ask me the other week if there was any way to figure out if I'm related to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I've given it a lot of thought. I'm sure someone in my family or one of my friends got coked up with Corey Feldman at one time or another. But then again, who hasn't?

• Sidney Crosby, aka the Diving Whiner, continues to whine and complain his way through his first season. What a brat! Hey, maybe Sutter Home will hire him as their new pitch man.

• Here's a trivia question for you: Ben Roethlisberger has a career record of 27-3 in his first 30 starts, first in NFL history. Dave Krieg is second, Dan Marino third... can you name the QB who is fourth on that list? The answer is: Jay Schroeder, former Redskins quarterback, with a 23-7 record. Just goes to show you, even shitty quarterbacks can get out of the chute quickly.

• I wonder if Kevin Millar's "Cowboy Up" phrase,--made famous during the Red Sox World Series Championship run in 2004--will have the same meaning for his new team, the Baltimore Orioles, now that "Broke Back Mountain" is in theaters.

• "That was pretty sweet." That's what head coach Wayne Gretzky said about Alexander Ovechkin's goal against Gretzky's Phoenix Coyotes last Monday. Ovechkin scored while sliding on his back, the puck just behind his head, before flicking it in somehow. Click on the link from yesterday's blog to watch it if you haven't seen it yet. A must see!

• After I saw that Kobe Bryant scored 81 points in the Lakers 122-104 victory Sunday against the Raptors, I couldn't help but wonder how many of the other 41 points scored by the Lakers belonged to Kwame Brown? The answer is three. Here's Kwame's line for Sunday night: 32 minutes, 3 points, 1 assist, 10 boards (4 offensive), 2 blocks and 2 turnovers. Number #1 overall pick stats, right? (I wonder how his acne is doing?)

• Wizards' forward Caron Butler seems to be fitting in rather well the past few weeks. The Wizards had won 5 straight until losing to Memphis the other night, and Butler was averaging around 22 points and playing well with Gilbert Arenas and Antawn Jamison. The trade that shipped out Kwame Brown and brought in Butler seems to have negated the departure of Larry Hughes. The Wizards are in 8th place in the Eastern Conference and playing better defense since Coach Eddie Jordan benched Jamison and Brendan Haywood a few weeks back to jolt his lethargic team into action. Hughes is out with a broken wrist, and Kwame? See above.

• The Orioles finally traded for a big-name star... Anna Benson! She was part of the package deal when the Orioles traded for her husband, Mets pitcher Kris Benson. Just what the Orioles need, a low key husband and wife who don't stir up trouble everywhere they go. I hope Miguel Tejada is satisfied. He was looking for the club to improve. Anna could offer a unique incentive to the Birds. She said while Kris played for the Mets that she'd sleep with her husbands teammates if he cheated on her. Hmmmm... Maybe she can motivate the Orioles. What a classy chick, eh?

• In another coaching coup, the Redskins hired offensive guru Al Saunders to take over the offense for Joe Gibbs. Gibbs says it was his idea because he wants to win and will do whatever is necessary. Nice to see that Coach Joe is doing all he can to prove that, including demoting himself.

• So, Marion Barry's house was broken into a few weeks ago, then he got caught doing coke again? Barry claimed to have had a meeting with Mayor Williams, a prospective baseball owner and some city council members that was supposed to end the haggling over the new stadium, yet none of the said parties recall such a meeting, except Barry. Hmmm. The baseball stadium deal is still in limbo, MLB is filing for arbitration and the Nats still don't have an owner. I see its business as usual for the DC government! Hasn't anyone told the DC Council that fuel and material costs will only get more expensive? So many residents in the District are complaining that the money should be used for schools, not a new stadium. Don't they realize that without the stadium project, there is no money? Schools are not profitable. A baseball stadium and the resulting economic impact it brings is, creating money for schools. No lending or interest payments involved. Duh!

• And finally: By the end of this whole battle over the Anacostia Stadium site, the Nats might end up playing their home games on the Mall, with some collaspable bleachers, a dozen hot-dog carts and a few hundred johnny-on-the-spots. Believe it or not, I'd still go see them.

Go Nats!

You Have To See It To Believe It

If you have yet to see it, I strongly encourage everyone to watch the goal Alexander Ovechkin scored last week. I know I write about the guy all the time, but for real... watch this goal! You may have to replay it a few times, believe me.

http://www.nhl.com/features/iceage/main.html


If you watched that replay, then now you all realize why I haven't posted in a week. Holy Crap! How do you describe that? Ovechkin was laying on his back, the puck was behind his head, out of his line of site! He wasn't even looking at the goal, for pete's sake! Yet, he still scored?!

Let me tell all of you loyal reader's a great story. Once Upon A Time: A 30-something dude, myself, actually--with too much time on my hands-- decided that Washington Capitals rookie Alexander Ovechkin wasn't getting the publicity he deserved at the start of the NHL season. I felt the league and the press were not doing enough to acknowledge the talent young Alex had begun to display in the early part of the year. The league was touting highly praised rookie Sidney Crosby as the next great NHL player. Crosby was supposed to follow in the footsteps of Wayne Gretzky, "The Great One". Sidney was dubbed "The Next One". How original. ( By the way, can I use "footsteps" in a hockey article?) Ovechkin, drafted 1st overall in 2004, right before the lock-out, was hardly an after thought.

I took it upon myself to raise awareness of this gifted hockey player in a non-hockey-town, Washington D.C. Redskins, basketball and now the Nationals are more importantthan hockey, especially after the sport took a year off. I began peppering friends and relatives with e-mails just for the hell of it, trying to get Ovechkin's name to stick in their heads, hoping more people would take notice. I wanted them to know that there was a very unique player in town, one that played on skates. (I had a good friend tell me he doesn't read my pieces on Ovechkin because I write about The Big "O" all the time. Mission accomplished... my friend knows Oveckin by name.) Those e-mails turned into this blog, and this dude (me, again!) continues to write about Ovechkin on a weekly basis.




Although the happy ending may be years away, or perhaps may never happen at all, Ovechkin has stated his case; he has grabbed the spotlight away from Sidney Crosby (from here on out known as "The Diving Whiner".) Ovechkin has carried his team almost single handedly, not just with that indescribable goal against the Phoenix Coyotes, but with many other jaw-dropping moments at this season's midway point. Click on the link above and click on "all" to watch the other 6 or so highlights. Awesome!

If you follow hockey as long as I have, you see spectacular goals once in awhile. They do happen on occasion. Whether it is in the NHL or the minor leagues --the college ranks or overseas-- fluky, unbelievable goals dot the highlight shows on late-night cable from time to time. But the Big "O"'s tally last Monday against Phoenix was unique. It was extraordinary. It was spectacular. It was... indescribable. And it was all over the news!... It led the 11pm Sportscenter the night it happened. When was the last time that happened? Yeah, I don't know either. Ovechkin's goal was one that grabs the attention of people outside the sport of hockey and gives them pause...makes their jaws drop as they turn to ask the person next to them at the bar if they really just saw what their eyes told them.

There are moments in hockey--if you pay attention--that stick with you like any other sport. However, it is rare to see something so... sick!!! So... unbelievable that you have to watch it again, and again, and again... just to make sure you saw what you think you saw. Even now, a week later, sitting here writing this, I can't stop laughing when I watch the replay. I watch hockey all the time, and I've never seen anyting like that! Don't wait until the 2007 Espy's, when Ovechkin's goal is elliglible for the award. Click on the link above and watch it. It's worth it. I keep trying to tell everyone that!

Run, Stop the Run, or Go Home

In case you haven't noticed, I've been avoiding writing about this subject like it has contracted the Ebola virus. I would like to tell you I tried to write this piece once or twice already this week, but I haven't. I could claim that I tried to copy other writers out there who may know more than I do and have a bead on the game, but that wouldn't be true, either. I can not even claim to have started this article a half-a-dozen times and scrapped it out of frustration, that would be completely untrue. This is my first attempt to address this subject since the Redskins won last Saturday. Why, you ask? Well, because I do not have a read on the game this coming Saturday between the Seattle Seahawks and your Washington Redskins. None. Zip. Nada. Nothing.

This is such a tough game to call for so many reasons, my head won't stop spinning (and it has nothing to do with beer, liquor or any other mind altering drug, I assure you). It's because I really have no idea what Redskin team will show up in the Emerald City this weekend. I don't! As much as I want it to be the right team, there's no guarantee. Sure, even if we lose, this whole area will have lots to be proud of:

• A Redskins' team that went 10-6 and earned its first berth in the playoffs since '99
• A Skins' team that beat Dallas twice for the first time since '95!... Woo-Hoo!
• Our first playoff win on the road since Joe Gibbs was here the first time
• A Washington defense that raped the Bucs on Tampa's home turf last week

But, this is the big-time, folks. Lose, and your team goes home to watch the rest of the postseason on that comfy couch with the Eagles, Cowboys and Giants. I've mentioned once or twice that I had a prediction about this Skins' team; one that was based on prophecy... on fate. I'm still reticent to unveil it. Call it intuition, call it fear, call it whatever you want. The fact remains... the Redskins are flying out west to play the Seattle Seahawks, the best team in the NFC, on their home turf, and our offense looked terrible last week in Tampa! Do you really think we're gonna win? Actually, even with me being so non-committal, with my hemming and hawing and reluctance to ensure a victory, I think we will win. Here's why:

1. We beat the Seahawks already this year! I know the game was in Washington; I know it was in overtime; and I know we beat them because we won the coin toss and Seattle's offense never got the chance to take the field before the Skins drove down to set up former Maryland kicker Nick Novack's winning field goal, but we beat them!
2. Our defense has gotten better every week during our now 6-game winning streak and last week, the "D" handed the offense a 14 point lead in the first quarter. The lose of Renaldo Wynn won't help the defense, but D-coordinator Gregg Williams prides his defense on the fact that "everyone is a starter", so I'm not counting them out.
3. Mark Brunell and the Skins offense can't be any worse than last week, right? Seattle's defense isn't a juggernaut. They are respectable and are number 5 in the league against the run, but do you think Clinton Portis is going to gain less than 60 yards two weeks in a row? Plus, the 'Hawks suck against the pass. Do you think Santana Moss won't be open at least three or four times come Saturday?
4. It's Joe Gibbs, man! This guy knows how to win. He knows how to focus his teams like Lombardi and Shula did. His teams may not be more athletic, but they always play with more heart.

I wish I could reveal to all of you (or as they say down the county... ya'll...) what my intuition tells me. But, I'll save that for later. I know that there might not be a later, but as many of you know, I'm extremely superstitious so I'll keep my sooth-sayering to myself. But, just so we are on the same page, know this...

Sean Taylor won't be suspended for the game... he's going to play. A punk or not, he's our best defensive player and our defense is great with him, not just good. Have you ever tried to pick up a football lying on the ground while you are running full speed? Its almost impossible! You almost always end up kicking it out of bounds! (Brian Fox... I still love you , man.) Taylor has done that twice in the last two weeks and scored touchdowns both times! He's the man! Sean, you can spit on me whenever you want.

(By the way, how the hell can the NFL fine Clinton Portis more money for wearing non-matching socks than they fined Taylor for spitting on a dude?! That sounds ridiculous to me and many others like Michael Wilbon and Ryan Harbaugh. Did I miss something? Spitting on someone is never acceptable, but unmatching socks cost you more money in fines? Bullshit!)

Clinton Portis' shoulder is fine. Portis says he's ready to go. As much as Clinton has seemed like a major-league weird-o with his weekly press conferences and costumes, the guy is a fucking warrior. He knocked out a Bucs linebacker with a block last week... did you see that?! And he had numbness in his shoulder the whole game! Tough is tough, and Clinton Portis is tough.

Demitric Evans replaced Wynn in the Tampa game and had a sack. Not bad for a guy who filled in at D-tackle last year. Reminds me of some other unknowns who made names for themselves in the playoffs in '82. (Shit! I'm giving away my prophecy!)

And... Coach Joe doesn't coach the Seahawks!

So what happens Saturday? The Skins' have to show up on both sides of the ball. They have to establish the run and wear the Seahawks down. Mark Brunell (who played at University of Washington, and returns to the pacific Northwest for the first time since 1897) has to pass for more than 41 fracking yards! The defense has to stop Shawn Alexander, who just so happens to be the NFL MVP. The Skins are good against the run. Its doable. The Redskins have never given up all year. This game shouldn't be any different. They can win this game, Redskin fans.

This all may be wishful thinking, but I stand by what I say. I had a hard time thinking clearly this week with emotion getting the better of me, no matter how hard I tried to just look at the facts. Well, you see some of the facts before you... you can decide whatever you want. But, as a brief look into my prognostication on the Redskins season, consider this:

Joe Gibbs took the last Redskin team he coached in his second year... all the way. No one gave that team a second thought, even though they only lost one game in that strike-shortened season. Until he proves otherwise, I'll stand by that. It's not a given. Check the facts and decide for yourself. But, just in case... anyone need a roomie in Detroit?

The Power of the Constitution and the Power Rangers

I've been begging my readers for months now to comment on my blog. I've given them instructions; I've told them not to hold back; I've told them that speaking freely is a gift from the constitution... so use it! My blog is the place to practice free speech, all the time. How else do you think I'm able to get away with some of the nonesense I've posted? I've written over 10 posts since the beginning of November, but the most comments I've received for any one of those posts was 6. Until I wrote about my friend who is on "CSI", Archie Kao, former Power Ranger.

Suddenly, I have 11 comments for that post and counting! So, I guess my sports articles are just too intellectual for most of you, huh? (Probably too boring for non-hockey fans and too intellectual for the rest of you. I'll have to look into that.) Maybe I should stick with the celebrity posts and senseless ranting--wait, I thought I was doing that already? This whole blog is an experiment, as I have said before, and I've worked tediously to see how to get people too respond. Wow!

What a response, dear readers! Finally, you all like me! You really do like me! I feel like Julia Roberts, except she has a horse-mouth and thankfully... I don't. Oh, and she's full of herself, which I am not. I am much too cool, intelligent and articulate for that. It can be difficult being smarter and better looking than everyone else, but I do my best to fit in with the rest of you. I truly do. (Holy crap! I'm starting to sound just like my Dad! Someone shoot me!)

I was astounded by the quick responses and flabbergasted as they kept rolling in for days afterwards! I even got comments from people I haven't seen or talked to in years, like Chris Stone, the coolest friend I've ever had. (Your welcome, Boner.) Even my sister Claire got into the act, even though she follows direction like a man and couldn't figure out how to post her comments. (By the way Claire, the point of the Kevin Bacon game is to make the connection in exactly 6 names... not less, not more. Hence the name of the game.) As you can imagine, I got the most heat for taking advice from women from a "Power Ranger". Just for the record, Archie was not a Power Ranger when I knew him. He was Student Council President and Homecoming King at George Mason University. When he offered me advice, I listened.

Thanks to all of you. I'm already looking for less-sports related material to incite the wave of criticism I received earlier this week. Contrary to popular belief, I actually draw positives from criticism and I accept it freely (why are some of you laughing right now?) It inspires me to write more diverse things to get the hackles up on you hyenas. Not to mention, I get paid per hit on this site. So, here's a suggestion: Make this your Home Page! You don't even have to read my rantings to help me out. Thanks! You guys are the best.


Apology of the Week

Recently, I wrote four things about Washingon Sports that looked bad, but were not. My piece on Larry Hughes was crap, I admit that. In case you haven't noticed, basketball is not something I cover much in this space--much to my father's disappointment. I'll be honest, I don't know the game of basketball like I do hockey, baseball or football. It doesn't help that the Wizards are back to their losing ways (as Tony Kornheiser would say, its the "Curse of Les Boulez"). I'm always happy to see the Wizards do well, which hasn't happened very often in my 32 years, and I love to watch Terps basketball and the NCAA Tournament every March. However, I don't have the passion for hoops that would allow me to fake a piece and make it sound like I know what I'm talking about (as you've already seen). I gave it a shot with my take on Hughes leaving the Wizards, but even I admit I have no skill as a basketball analyst. I doubt I will delve into that forum much in the future. I'll stick to what I'm good at, like hockey and boobies.


The Big O Update

Last nite, your Nation's Capitals lost to the Chicago Blackhawks, who had virtually the same record as the Caps going into the game. The Caps fell behind 3-0 by the middle of the 2nd period, and I actually left the room in disgust. The Caps are having a terrible season. The Hawks are as well; they had lost 10 straight going into last night. The Caps gave up 2 fluky goals fell behind and my frustration finally overwhelmed my sense of optimism for the first time all year.

See, this is a rebuilding year for the Caps. We knew it in October, we know it now. The Caps have only a few veterans (Olie Kolzig, Jeff Halpern, Danius Zubrus) and the rest are young, talented players with little or no NHL experience. I do not expect them to win much this year. But 3-0 really pissed me off and I finally started to let the losing get to me. I left the room and started to think about the scathing piece I would write about the "Crapitals" for you all today.

When I checked the game about 10 minutes later, the score was 3-2. Brendan Witt, the least offensive minded defensemen in the league, scored on a wrister from the top of the right-hand face-off circle. That was Witt's first goal of the year and a highlight goal at that! Witt scores less than Carlton from "The Fresh Prince". He only averages about 1 goal a year. Last night he looked like Paul Coffey.

Alex Ovechkin scored the second goal for the Caps, in dramatic style. He shot the puck from right in front of the net, chased the rebound into the corner, stole the puck from a Chicago defensemen, got checked into the boards, held on to the puck, muscled his way past said defensemen, skated around another one and beat Hawks goalie Adam Monro five-hole (between the legs, for all of you unfamiliar with hockey terminology). That kid is awesome.

Alas, even though the Caps tied the game on a goal by Brian Sutherby (one of the emerging young players on the team, pictured above) they lost in overtime 4-3. But, after watching the rest of the game, I realized that this Caps team may be bad... but they are scrappy. They do not have loads of talent, but they never give up. Coach Glen Hanlon has done a great job coaching these guys and has been mentioned around the hockey world as a good coach who is patient enough to teach his players as they grow into professionals. Some nights, you can see that the Caps young players get it, and some nights you can see that they don't. Either way, they usually don't give up. Plus, with Ovechkin on the team, they sure are fun to watch. Win or lose. I just hope they start winning more often the second half of the season. You can only survive on potential for so long.


"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somone who's life has given them vodka, and have a party."

Ron White, Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Six Degrees of Ego-Separation

I'm sure some of you have heard about or even played that game, "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon". It started with the belief that all actors can be linked by tracing their co-stars back to Kevin Bacon, you know from "Footloose". Confused? Here's an example...
Let's pick some obscure actor like... Curtis Armstrong from "Revenge of the Nerds", fondly remembered as "Booger".

Booger(1) was in "One Crazy Summer" with John Cusack(2),
who was in "Runaway Jury" with Dustin Hoffman(3),
who was in "Rain Man" with Tom Cruise(4),
who was in "Cocktail" with Elizabeth Shue(5),
who was in "Hollow Man" with... Kevin Bacon(6).

See? Simple. If you know your movie history or know people who do (my sisters and Mike Chase are excellent choices), you should give it a shot. I decided to go for the ultimate ego-boost and take it a step further and use my name. Is that possible, you ask? Since my acting chops have only taken me as high as the worst theatrical production in Prince Georges Community College history, how the hell could I possibly use my own name?

Well, if you watch CSI, than there's the connection. Archie Kao plays the computer expert "Archie" (creative, huh?) on "CSI", the most watched show on TV. I went to George Mason with Archie Kao in 1991-92. We were in the same fraternity. He was Student Council President and Homecoming King. We shared an acting class my second semester. I went down with him and some other friends to Daytona Beach for spring break. Played frisbee all day, that week in March and he tutored me on how to talk to women. Well, he left for L.A. that summer to become an actor and now he is on the 2nd best show on TV (Battlestar Gallactica being #1, of course). Pretty cool, don't you think? Archie got his big break when he played the Blue Ranger on the "Power Rangers" in the late 90's. Archie also was in some forgetful movie with Mark Harmon I happened to catch late one night on cable. I don't know what the name of that cinematic masterpiece was, but it was about surfers and luckily I only caught the last 10 minutes of it.

I know a dude who is a supporting cast-member on a great TV show; he was a fracking Power Ranger, and has been in some other stuff we might have seen. So, when a friend one night suggested we try to do the Kevin Bacon game, I had an idea. She knew Archie from "CSI". I told her of my acting gigs from high school and college. We figured out a way to only use actors. Community College theater is acting, folks. My friend said so. I qualify to use my own name in the game.
With that in mind, here we go...

John Murray(1)--went to college with Archie Kao(2)
Who is on "CSI" with Marg Helgenberg(3)
Who was in "Species" with Forest Whittaker(4)
Who was in "Phenomenon" with Kyra Sedgwick(5)...
Who is married to Kevin Bacon!(6)
(Sedgwick and Bacon have been in a few movies together, but being married to the guy has to count for bonus points, right?)

So there it is! I'm practically famous! Thanks to my friend Archie, who seems to have done well out in Tinseltown. "CSI", the movie "Local Boys" with Mark Harmon... Small world, huh? I can say my friend was a Power Ranger! How cool is that?

This Weeks List

As we stumble though the third month of my ranting (or my renaissance as I like to call it), I try my best to find shit no one else talks about. (The Caps! No one else gives a crap about them!)Seriously, that's too easy. I'm looking for more. Actually, I think I found a good one this time; one that all of you may be able to comment on. To comment--for all of you on-line retards out there, no offense--just click on the comments at the end of each post and speak your mind. There is a word verification you have to punch in, but that just keeps spam off the site and keeps Drew from posting vulgar obscenities whenever he pleases. Anyway, here it is, people:


4 Things that Looked Bad for Washington Sports this Year but Were Not

1. The NHL lockout: I know I'm a hockey fan, but these new rules that came as a direct result from the lockout are awesome! So many so-called experts preached that the NHL would lose money and fans, that certain or-gan-eye-za-tions would be folded--including my Caps--but the reverse has been the case. The new rules promote scoring, continuous play and none of that clutching and grabbing that made it hard for the skill players to shine. Attendance across the league is up, scoring is up... new fans like it! Not to mention that the Caps finally have a franchise player to brag about after having exactly ZERO franchise players play for them before they drafted Alexander Ovechkin. He brings people to their feet, makes players around him better and is the Whip-it type high that this town needs until we get down to some serious hockey next year. A! O! Let's GO!

2. Larry Hughes leaving the Wizards for the Cleveland Cavaliers: He was our best defender last year... led the league in steals. He left for a few dollars more to be with Lebron after the Wizards playoff run last year. The Wizards are just under .500, but guess what? Larry just broke his finger and is out 6-8 weeks. No, this isn't deja vu, Larry Hughes breaks something on or around his hand every year. The Wizards definitely miss his leadership and veteran presence, but come on! I don't think Larry has ever played in a full season. It's always a break to the hand that sends him to the injured list. As much as the below-.500 Wizards could use him, I think they will be better off in the future with the cap space they saved on Hughes contract, which could be used on a power forward that could help them more than if Larry stayed. Don't get me wrong, I miss him, but that doesn't mean we are worse without him. I'd rather have a 10 point and 12 rebound guy than a guy who always breaks his wrist/hand/thumb/finger(s) every January.

3. Mark Brunell as the starting Quarterback of your Washington Redskins: Apparently Brunell was washed up when Gibbs signed him in the emergency room of a Jacksonville hospital before the 2004 season. After last year, Gibbs was the only one to say Brunell wasn't done playing good football. Analysts all over the world screamed that Brunell was done and that the game had passed Gibbs by. Well, as the leader of the offense this year, Brunell threw for more touchdowns in a season than he ever has, he had the best TD to interception ratio of his career, and when he wasn't at the top of his game--like the game against the Eagles this past Sunday--he still made huge plays that put the Redskins in the victory column (like the scramble that kept the drive alive when they were only up by 4 points in the 4th quarter). Not bad, eh? That doesn't sound like a guy on his way oot, does it? No, I'm not from Canada, you hoser. I'm just a hockey fan!

4. No Lease Agreement and No New Owner for the Nats: This one might be a toughie. How the hell could I possibly put a positive spin on this? Well, I have only one thing to say: MONEY!!!
There is no other city in the USA--or any other country for that matter--that can get someone to pay over $450 million dollars for this franchise other than Washington D.C. There is no other place that can put the fannies in the seats like we can here. There is no other screwed up City Council that would actually stand up to those baseball-owner-buffoons than the District. Yes, this has played out too long, but think about this...

• The city doesn't want to cut the gadgets and gizmos out of the designs for the stadium. That will make it ordinary, not special. If they do cut costs and build a cookie-cutter, we wind up with CellularOne Ballpark, like the home of the White Sox. The city hasn't handled this very well, but I think they are right to get baseball to pony up some cash.
• No one could have predicted the raise in construction costs due to all the hurricanes last year, which sent the cost of the stadium through the roof! As dysfunctional as the DC government is, I actually think they have a valid point and baseball should put up more money for the stadium.
• Baseball has to come here or they wouldn't be threatening to go to arbitration. They could just move the Nationals now! Why don't they? Because they can't! They know they don't have a more lucrative market to fall back on. Sorry to all of you in Las Vegas, but the Nationals won't be moving west. Bet on it. I say 10-1 odds.

To borrow a hockey term, there is a big face off going on right now with this whole stadium deal. Baseball owners are the worst business men in sports. The DC government is the worst bunch of quasi-politician-for the people representatives in the country. There is a major compromise on the horizon here, people. One that gives us a great stadium, a good team and fills the pockets of both baseball and the District for years to come. I didn't graduate college, and even I can see that! Posturing should have a time limit. Sit down and work it out! I'll buy season tickets as soon as the deal is reached. I promise.

Hey Dad? I need to borrow some cash. Its for a good cause, I swear!