John Murray, Stock Market Guru

I have decided to accept the challenge of being a stock market adviser and help people make a crap-load of cash in today's market. With all of the people getting out of the business, and with my inexperience and fresh ideas, I figure its time to do this. So here it goes.

Buy! Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy!!!

That's it! Pretty simple, eh? As for the types of companies, well you have to do some research on that. I have stocks in some gold and precious metal mining companies, some green industry companies (solar, wind, composite materials) and that is about all I can tell you. I here infrastructure is going to get a lot of capital dished out their way due to President Obama's stimulus package, so look there as well.

Think my advice is worthless? Well, the only way for the economy to rebound is for people to start spending money again. That way, companies need to start producing more goods and services, which would mean they need to hire more people. Those people would need new suits and dresses for their new jobs, plus working cars and subways to travel to and fro. You see where I am going with this.

I am tired of all the talking heads on TV telling everyone that the recession is terrible and its going to get worse. That just scares people. I understand that fear sells and gets ratings, but it's a self fulling prophecy at this point in our history! It's time to stop scaring everyone. Buy stock and turn the economy around. Just do it!

DCU in PG?

DC United is revving up their talks with Prince Georges County officials to build a soccer-exclusive stadium for the Washington Area's Major League Soccer team. A deal with the District fell thru last week after years of negotiating to build a stadium at Poplar Point in Anacostia. How do you feel about that, soccer fans out there? Leaving DC isn't anyone's first choice, but Largo? The Morgan Boulevard Metro stop? Isn't that in Raljon? You sure you want to leave RFK? The last two teams to do that haven't faired so well in their new digs. (See Inept Ownership/Washington Redskins, and 102 losses and an asphalt plant next door/Washington Nationals).

How many of you DCU fans are in Virginia? Anybody have statistics on that? Is it an even fifty split? Even i it's not, the Morgan Blvd Metro stop makes sense. It was built for the Redskins but would be better for a stadium that is actually closer to the tracks. At least everyone involved is thinking ahead and centering the idea around Metro stations instead of building a stadium smack-dab between opposite Metro lines. Maybe they could run another line from Landover to Morgan Blvd just to make it easier. They can call it the Black Line. (DC United wears black and the Skins have those super cool black jerseys, get it?)

DC United deserve a stadium, just on the sheer basis of championships to won/loss record. No one has won more in the cities history. Not the Redskins, not the Bullets and certainly not the Nats. The Caps are close these days, but to date, no dice. PG County needs the tax revenue and game day traffic should be a breeze compared to Sundays in the fall. Plus, soccer fans are the coolest fans in the world! (except in England) O-le O-le-ole-ole.... Oo-leeeeee, Ooo-leeeee! It's a shame more Americans don't get soccer.

Don't be mad at the DC government, if there's any advice you I can give you. Nats Park is a miracle. Don't kid yourself about that. The fact that it was built, paid for and opened on time was an act brought about by God; no one involved in that whole fiasco has a right to tell you any different. God finally had had enough with MLB's and the city's dysfunction, put his foot down, slapped everyone across the head, closed the black hole of ineptitude for a few years and viola'... Baseball is back in Washington!

The DC government has been screwing things up for decades, and there's no end of that in sight. Abe Pollin built the Verizon Center without a dime from the city; if wasn't for that stubborn old bird's adamant desire to build that thing in Chinatown it would not have happened. Jack Kent Cooke tried to do the same thing for 15 years and build an even bigger stadium with even more of his own money and the District f*#ked it all up. It's the way things are there. I thinks it's written into the City bylaws: "Every other team that needs a stadium needs not get it, just because Marion Barry hasn't paid his taxes and needs extra cash for 'personal use'."

Don't be surprised or upset about this. (Unless of course the city soon strikes a deal with Dan Snyder to move the Skins to Poplar Point. Then you can scream all you want. I'll be right there with you.) It's the way things are in the District. Baseball shoved you to the side when the Expos were on the move and now you have to go to Raljon to watch a game. Big Deal! You have a team, a good one for that matter! Go spend money in Maryland. We need it here, too. I spent many a memorable night in Largo watching the Caps when I was growing up. Its okay there.

But, don't give up hope for Poplar Point. That could still happen. You never know with these things. Until ground is broken, anything can happen.

Dunn!

Okay, so the Lerners must have read my post from the other week and realized I was right. (Sound of me clearing my throat.) The Nationals today signed outfielder/first baseman Adam Dunn to a reported 2 year $20 million deal. "Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?!" *

I can't believe this. I am in shock. Can it be? Do the Nats have a chance to be relevant this season? Will Ryan Zimmerman hit 30 homers and drive in 100 runs now that he has protection in the lineup? If the pitching staff puts up slightly better numbers--and I mean slightly better numbers--do the Nats have a chance to finish near .500? I have been so engrossed in the hockey season (as well as so turned off by the Nationals failure to get the lefty bat that they had to get) that I never really thought about the on-field ramifications of signing Mark Texiera or Dunn. Now, the air is a bit crisper, the sky a bit bluer and I realize that Spring Training starts this weekend! My God! What will I wear?

So, look for an All Nats, All Baseball blog this spring. I've been kicking the idea around for a while now. I have the Caps blog and was thinking of doing one for the Nats to keep me busy in the summer. Now that the Nats have signed the lefty bat they so desperately needed, the new blog must be "Dunn".

I got another one: The Nats front office has finally shown that it is willing to do what it takes to get things "Dunn".

Okay, last one: I think with today's signing, its safe to say that the Washington Nationals off season is "Dunn".

*from the movie "Christmas Vacation"

And Now for Some More Hockey Names

Let's revisit the topic from last time: Hockey Names. There is no other sport out there, except perhaps for soccer, with so many goofy named athletes. The names I mentioned previously were just the perverted ones (or the ones my twisted mind perceived as perverted, that is). However, that is just the tip of the... cough...cough... iceberg.

I did some further research and found some dandies! The following are some names of players currently on NHL rosters.

First up, the emotionally named: Joseph Crabb, Ben Eager, Michael Funk. (I bet Michael wallows in misery and has yet to realize his potential. It's probably safe to say Ben is a pleaser and a big time ass-kisser. And lord knows I wouldn't want to run into Joseph in a dark alley).

How about the occupationally named? Travis Moen (lawn guy), Alex Hemsky (think Polish seamstress) and Tim Conboy (not all occupations are honorable, eh?).

Then there are the ones that are just really cool to say: Byron Bitz, Dustin Byfuglien (Bi-foog-lee-in), Nikolai Khabibulin (Ha-bee-boo-lin), Marek Zidlicky, Jarkko Ruutu, Jordin Tootoo and Jonathon Cheechoo (the fans in San Jose have train whistles for Cheech. Classic!)

There's Marty Reasoner from the Atlanta Thrashers. Can you imagine, a guy named "Reasoner" in a sport known for fisticuffs? The irony! Or Justin Abdelkader, (sounds like he is from a family who gave up the throne on more than one occassion. Don't think I'd want that kind of quitter on my team). Michael Frolik (or hair sucker, if you want to really go for the gross factor), Shawn Horcoff (a frequenter of brothels perhaps?), and Miroslav Satan ("Well isn't that special!").

Then there is Radek Bonk (no explanation needed), Mattius Ritola (Riii-toe-laaaaaaa!) and, of course John Oduya (who, might I mention is the only black Swede I have ever heard of. Jess, Karin? Can you verify this for me?)

Perhaps the best, and most puzzling name in the NHL belongs to a defenseman from the Boston Bruins, Shane Hnidy (pronounced Shea Nighty). What were this dude's parents thinking? A last name of Nighty is bad enough. You could have named him Bob or Rick Nighty and all would have been kosher. Brian or Patrick perhaps. But Shane? They never thought their kid would get his ass kicked by the other kids? Did they really want a son named after a french lingerie shop? I think his parents must have been not-so-distant cousins of Engelbert Humperdinck's parents. (Thank you Eddie Izzard!)

And finally, no investigation into strange hockey names is complete without mentioning my all-time favorite, Hakan Loob (pronounced Hock-in Lube). Hakan was a Swedish scoring right wing for the Calgary Flames from 1983 thru 1989. He now is a GM for a team in the Swedish Elite League. What a fantastic name! Great consonants, fun to say, very visual. If you ever watch hockey on TV, you can see all of the players spitting. Constantly. They aren't doing it to be gross; they are paying tribute to Hakan Loob, perhaps the greatest name in the history of hockey.

Hockey Names are the Best

I have a new favorite hockey player. Dustin Byfuglien of the Chicago Blackhawks was my favorite for the last few months just because I loved saying is name. Ba-foog-lee-in. Say it and draw it out. Baaa-fooooooooog-leee-iinnnn. As much as I will always hold a spot in my heart for Dustin, he has been replaced. My new favorite player plays for the New Jersey Devils. His name is John Oduya, pronounced, yup you guessed it, Oh-do-ya!

Anyone that knows me or reads this crap will know why I love this guy. Oduya. It's like Christmas in February! I wish the Caps would trade for John Oduya and John Van Rims Dick of the Flyers and put them on a line with Alexander Semin. We could put Brent Johnson in net, lovingly known as BJ. Then, the Caps could bring back their old play-by play guy Jeff Rimmer and have his color guy be Pete Peteers (Dick Dick to you regulars.) All we need is another defensemen and a forward with last names that are dripping with sexual innuendo and we would have the All Porn Team!

I await your emails with suggestions.

Waiting for something to be Dunn

I have to admit to all of you, I am the eternal optimist. I have faith that the ridiculous and improbable will happen at any moment. I believe that aliens will soon come to Earth and want to take me with them to explore the universe, much like they did with Richard Dreyfus in "Close Encounters"; that there will be peace in the Middle East any day now, which will cause a chain-reaction of peace that will ripple across the world turning the Earth into a Utopia; that the Washington Nationals will open there wallets and sign a free agent that will help them improve on a 102 loss season. I know what you are thinking and yes, I am quite the dreamer.

What the hell is going on down on South Capital Street? Things are so bad that Thomas Boswell from the Post, the resident baseball expert/fan reporter, has canceled his season tickets! Boz is so livid that the Nats owners haven't done a thing to make the team better in free agency he is boycotting the team. It's a buyers market out there, yet the Lerners are doing nothing, just treading water. I can't believe I am going to write this, but our Nats were better off when they were owned by Major League Baseball and playing in RFK. How the hell does this happen?

I'm just a guy who loves sports. I am no expert--although I play one on TV. The Lerners have spent money on the new stadium to improve the fan experience and have done an admirable job in addressing the parking fiasco. But other than that, they haven't done squat! For one, they apparently keep pissing off employees with their snails pace-business practices and drawn out work orders. They took the District to court for not having the Stadium finished on time--although the Nats played their first game in Nationals Park on March 30th last year, one day before any other team in MLB played a home game! Anyone who lives around here knows how contentious the stadium deal was to enact and approve. We know how fast that stadium was built. For the District to have pulled the whole thing off in such a short time frame borders on fantasy. I know business is cutthroat, but the Lerners spat in the face of the entire city, by being so scrooge-like in withholding $23 million in rent payments. MLB picked the Lerners due to the belief that they would spend money, connect to the fan base because of their local roots and make the Washington Franchise a brand name. Bud Selig must look more constipated than ever these days.

To see the Nats offer Mark Texiera all that cash to play here gave us all a false sense of security. That offer made waves in the baseball world. Every single person in the industry took notice: players, GMs, owners, fans! Washington's long drought of being irrelevant when it came to the national pastime was coming to a decisive and convincing end. Sure, no one really expected Texiera to come to DC, only perpetual optimists with no grip on reality thought we had a chance. (I held out hope until the bitter-Bronx-Bomber conclusion.) Everyone figured that after Tex went to NYC, the Nats would turn around and sign two or perhaps three above average players with that money and round on the corner an the way toward respectability. Au contraire, mon frere! The Nats have signed just two players: Ex-Oriole Daniel Cabrera--who is more a real life version of Nuke Laloosh without Crash Davis than number 1 starter--and Gary Glover who has a career record of 21 and 29, an ERA of 5.98 and... actually, who cares? I would have been more excited if we had signed Corey Glover! At least he's a glamour boy.

From what I can tell, management is being cautious about spending for obvious reasons. The economy is crashing; who knows what it will be like come July? The team wants to move forward with "The Plan", like the Caps did from 04-08, and build with draft picks and trades. Finally, and most important, when signing a 1st tier free agent, the team loses a first round pick as compensation. That certainly would hurt a rebuilding process. I think we all understand that. But, let's look at the facts here:

-No one knows what the economy is going to do. It's a crap shoot. But you can imagine if the Nats stand pat and sign no one of consequence, their economic situation will only get worse as they alienate fans, desperate for a baseball team that matters but ready to turn their venom on yet another Washington sports owner who takes the people who pay the bills for granted. (see: Snyder, Daniel M.)

-The Capitals signed a complimentary free agent or two every off-season to compliment their young nucleus (Ben Clymer in 05, Brian Pothier and Donald Brashear in 06, Michel Nylander in 07) before breaking out last December and becoming a contender. With the exception of Clymer, those guys are still with the club, each filling an important role.

-It is my understanding that when you sign a free agent in baseball, you must give up a draft pick as compensation. The type of pick is determined by how good the player is that is signed by another team. A first tier free agent means you give up your 1st round pick in the upcoming June draft. However, if your pick falls into the top three overall picks of the first round, than the team signing said free agent keeps their pick and the team losing the free agent gets a sandwich pick later in the 1st round. The team signing the free agent away loses lower picks as compensation. (Whew! Baseball is way too complicated.)

So, basically, the Nats would get to keep the number 1 pick in this years June Draft no matter what, so they can sign a top free agent (like Texiera) and still be in position to draft Steven Strasbourg (the consensus #1 rated player available). I think they would lose later picks as compensation, like the Cubs must have when they signed Alfonso Soriano away from us a few years back. (You might want to check me that last part. I didn't have time to read the thousands of pages of text and decipher the legalese. Anyone know a lawyer?)

But, in order to get compensation for a player about to become a free agent, a team has to tender said player a qualifying contract offer. The player can accept the offer--which rarely happens--or file for free agency. If the team doesn't offer him a qualifying contract offer, then that player can be signed for no compensation and truly is a "free agent". So, the Nats could sign Orlando Cabrera or Orlando Hudson and keep their top pick; they would just have to give up later round picks as compensation for those guys. But, are there any players out there, just two weeks before spring training begins, that would fill a need for the Nats and cost them nothing in compensation except the dollar amount on a contract? Well, as a matter of fact, there is!

Adam Dunn. Is he the answer? No. He isn't great in the field, he apparently has some sort of attitude, doesn't have great work ethic and only averages 40 homers and 110 RBI's every year for the past 5 seasons. As my mother like to say, "Heellooooooooo?!" The Nats need a big bat more than anything else. They have young pitchers in the system, and can probably get lucky with some pick ups in that area once or twice a year. But a heavy hitter is tough to find, especially one that will be a bargain. The Diamondbacks didn't offer Dunn a qualifying offer after this season. That means he can sign anywhere and no one has to give up squat. The Nats desperately need a bat behind Ryan Zimmerman. Dunn can play the outfield or first base, which is good since we all know Nick Johnson is as fragile as antique china in a pillowcase being tossed around a junkyard by epileptic blind men with no thumbs.

You know, Peter Angelos pulled this crap in Baltimore and look where it got the O-wee-oos? When was the last time the Pirates owners gave enough of a crap to make that team relevant? How many championships have the Rangers won? How does that saying go, "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it", or something like that? Why do these rich idiots all think they can do it better and fail so miserably? Don't they know what it means to repeat behavior over and over and expect different results? That is the definition of insane. And the Lerners are that indeed if they think the fans will still buy tickets in this economy to watch another 100 loss team scramble to score runs while the owners sit in their luxury box--built by a city that has yet to receive a single rent payment--while reviewing their 20 page work orders and not paying attention to the product on the field.

Gollum Makes His Move

Did anyone else see that Cyndie Crosby will not play in the NHL Allstar Game Sunday January 25th because of a knee injury? As much as I want to pan Cyndie for being soft, I actually think he is doing the right thing. It's an exhibition game, there is no focus on defense, if he tweaks his knee and misses more of the regular season the Pens may not make the playoffs. So I understand why he's sitting. (Right this date down, you probably won't ever see me back up Crosby ever again.) Although, many Caps' fans might think Crosby is afraid of playing in the game with Alexander Ovechkin since Ovie checked Crosby the other week (the refs didn't call a penalty because they were playing hockey!). There is some bad blood between those two. Who knows.

So, the NHL picked his replacement; none other than Martin "Smeigel" St. Louis! That's right, folks, the Alternate Captain of the All-Shire Team is in! Its about time someone spoke up and made sure the Hobbits were represented well. Makes you wonder if St. Louis had something to do with Crosby sitting out. I can just picture him the whole time, talking to himself and hopping around. "Smeigel knows the way! Yes he does! Smeigel can take you to Cup. You must trust Smeigel." I bet all the other players are looking down on him with pity in their eyes. How the mighty have fallen.

No Longer the South-Least

I have been listening to the talking heads on TV, the Internet and in the newspaper for the past 11 years now as they have weighed in on what NHL division happens to be the weakest. Every year, inevitably, the Western Conference is dubbed superior to the weak Eastern Conference, while most of the votes for the most depressing division go to the Southeast. And when I say most of the votes, I mean about 99.9%. Without fail, all the so called hockey experts poo-poo the Southeast because, and I am paraphrasing here, the competition from top to bottom in the division is by far the weakest out of all 30 NHL teams. I even heard a remark a few years back that the Southeast was a notch above the minors and a notch below the pros, what with usually one good team making the post season and a bunch of garbage filling out the other four meaningless spots in the standings.

So, this year, I decided to look up the statistics from all of the NHL divisions starting in 1999, when the current division alignment began and see for myself if these doofuses were actually telling the truth or just spitting on a division with a collection of historically not-so-great and downright awful franchises. (I mean, Florida and Atlanta? I can see how you would want to ignore a division with teams from the Sun Belt and barely 17 years of history. Plus, Carolina came from Hartford, where the Whalers were down right dismal for 20+ years before finding success and fans in Raleigh.)

The NHL realigned the conferences before the 1998-99 season (2 Conferences- East and West, each with 3 divisions for a total of 6 divisions altogether.) At the end of the season, the division winners are awarded the top three seeds in each conference, with the five remaining spots in each conference being determined in descending order by standings points (2 points for a win, 1 point for a tie, 0 for a loss). 8 teams in each conference make the playoffs for a total of 16 teams vying to hoist Lord Stanley's Cup. Which division is the worst over those 10 years? Which one was the best? I could go into team records and points-for/points against stats, but I will keep this simple: just appearances in the Finals and championships since 99, (with a look at how the divisions would have faired if they existed in 1994.) You might be surprised to see what I found out.

Let's start in the Western Conference, the so called "superior" conference over the last 15 years.

The Pacific Division: Anaheim Ducks, Dallas Stars, Los Angeles Kings, Phoenix Coyotes and San Jose Sharks... 2 Cups and 2 finals losses.

The Pacific has been represented in the Finals 4 times since 99 with the Stars twice and the Ducks twice, each winning one Cup. Not exactly lighting it up, but respectable I think.

The Northwest Division: Calgary Flames, Colorado Avalanche, Edmonton Oilers, Minnesota Wild and Vancouver Canucks... 1 Cup and 2 Finals Losses

The Northwest has been represented in the Finals 3 times since 99 and have 1 Cup (Colorado in 2001). If you go back to 94, when the Canucks lost to the Messier-led Rangers, the division record is 2 Cups (Colorado in 96 an 01) and 3 losses (Canucks in 94, Calgary in 04 and the Oilers in 06).

The Central Division: Chicago Blackhawks, Columbus Blue Jackets, Detroit Red Wings, Nashville Predators and the St. Louis Blues... 2 Cups and 0 Losses

The Wings won the 2 Cups mentioned above (the latest last year), as well as 2 others before 99, (97 and 98), while also losing to the Devils in 95. That makes the overall 15 year record for the Central 4 Cups in 5 Finals appearances.

Western Conference - 5 Stanley Cups out of 9 seasons (there was no season in 05)

Now for the Eastern Conference:

The Atlantic Division: New Jersey Devils, New York Islanders, New York Rangers, Philadelphia Flyers and Pittsburgh Penguins... 2 Cups and 2 losses

The Devils dominate here, winning 2 Cups since 99, while losing to the Avs in 01. The Penguins lost in 08 to the Wings. When you go back to 94, the Devils won another Cup in 95, the Rangers won in 94 and the Flyers lost to Detroit in 97. The division has won 4 out of 7 Finals since 94.

The Northeast Division: Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Montreal Canadiens, Ottawa Senators and Toronto Maple Leafs... 0 Cups and 2 Losses

That's right, only two appearances in the Finals since 99, actually since 94! The Sabres lost to Dallas in 99 and Ottawa lost to the Ducks in 07. Other than that, zip, nada, nothing. That may change this year, but I am not strong enough with the Force to foresee that.

The Southeast Division: Altlanta Thrashers, Carolina Hurricanes, Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning and Washington Capitals... 2 Cups and 1 loss

Amazing. The worst division in hockey has won two out of three Stanley Cups Finals appearances since 99; the lose came when the Canes lost to the Wings in 02. If you go back to 94, the Panthers (Scott Mellanby and the plastic Rats) lost to the Avs in 96 and the Caps lost to the Wings in 98. Review the stats from above. The Southeast is not the worst division of the past ten years, or 15 for that matter. You can argue that the Bolts Cup in 04 was a fluke if you want, but they won nonetheless. The Canes have fallen apart since winning in 06, sure. But they won it all almost three years ago. The Northeast looks a whole lot worse when compared, and the Pacific and the Southeast are basically identical divisions in terms of championships, not the best divisions, but certainly not the worst.

Eastern Conference- 4 Stanley Cups out of 9 seasons

So, there you go. The Northeast Division, with the Bruins, Leafs and the mighty Canadians have benefited the least since the realignment, according to the stats. Sure, they have won more Cups than any other division, but that's because the Habs have won it 24 times! Now, with Alexander Ovechkin and the Caps currently first in the Southeast and second in the conference, it is certainly plausible that a few more Cups may find their way south in the next few years.

I am sure many will argue about what the combined regular season records are for each division over that time, how many teams in each made the playoffs in those ten years, etc., etc. But that is a lot more work that I just don't have time for. Maybe next time. All that really matters is what happens in the Finals, and the Southeast Division more than holds its own.

Mystery Solved! T.G.I.H.S.

Thanks to my Jewish friend Jenn Hann who decoded the Sanskrit license plate from the previous post. Apparently, the name of the hill where the crucifixion took place was called Calvary. In addition to that, IMABONG actually means "I am a Born Again Christian". Born Agains refer to themselves as being " a born again" or something like that. So the guy I saw was not a dope head, but rather a Jesus Lover.

As I never regularly attended church and only went to Sunday school once with Alicia Burton when I was 6, I am still in the dark about a lot of religious trivia fun facts. Thanks to all the good Christians I asked when researching what Calvary meant. You really didn't know what it was? Thank God I have friends like Jenn who knows more about Christianity than most Christians do. As she told me when I asked her how she new what the license plate and frame meant, she replied, " Well, I guess there is a good reason why we are God's chosen people." Here here! Mazeltof! La'Chiam!

Thank God It's Hockey Season

So, yesterday the Redskins laid a big fat egg in Cinci and my fantasy football team dropped an unbelievable 64 total points in the league semi-final game to lead Mike Chase by 1 before the game tonight. Mike has Brian Westbrook playing tonight. I guess I can hope Westbrook fumbles the ball on the opening play and breaks his leg so I can advance to the finals. Football is over for me this year. To see it come to such an abrupt and painful end...

I can now direct my full attention to the best team in town and stop rooting for pretenders.

Go Caps!!

The All-Shire Team : Updated

Well, if you haven't heard what Sean Avery (d**kweed) of the Dallas Stars said last week about ex Eliza Cuthbert (hot) dating Dion Phanuof (doofus) of the Calgary Flames, then you must have been under a rock or something. The NHL suspended Avery for 6 games and is requiring him to attend anger management classes, all just because he said that other hockey players like his sloppy seconds. (Cuthbert has reportedly dated up to 6 hockey players in the past few years. She is apparently an Alyssa Milano wanna-be, which I don't think is all that bad. Makes you want to run out and buy pads, gloves and a stick, doesn't it?) I think Avery's suspension is a bit ridiculous, if you ask me, but the situation does make a good case to add him to the All-Hobbit team. And, there is another change to the team after I gave it some thought and Drew concurred.

Left Wing Sean Avery: aka Sam-Wise Avery Well, you know about the comments last week. He's also 5'10" which just meets the height requirements to qualify as a Hobbit. Controversial, large ego and a mouth to boot. Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley while on a date with Cuthbert. He should be Captain of the All-Shire team. For that honor, I will wave his suspension.

Right Wing Martin St. Louis: aka Smigel Once I thought about it, I had to change his name from Bilbo to Smigel. Smigel fits so much better. Bilbo as a name was too forced and Smigel works on so many levels. St. Louis has fallen from glory after the Bolts won the Cup 5 years ago and he led the league in scoring. The team has been terrible every since. Not even The Mullet could save them. You can just picture St. Louis walking around, talking to himself, ready to take out Vinny Lecavailier if it will reunite him with his obsession, the Stanley Cup, or as he refers to it while alone in the a dark locker room, "myyy preeeciiioooussssss!"

The Great License Plate Mystery

Happy Holidays everyone! (Not to sound ignorant, but is it okay to say that to atheists?) I was driving on the Eastern Shore of Maryland today and I saw something that made my mind short-curcuit. ZZZZZZZZTTTT! (Insert you own "John's brain does that all the time" joke here.) It wasn't a man driving a pickup truck with a live chicken on his lap, who hasn't seen that? Nor did I see some idiot from Pennsylvania or New Jersey driving like a total imbecile, again, who hasn't? What I saw was a man driving a mini van with a license plate frame that read: "Jesus went to Calvary", or something to that effect. Not sure what that meant or if I had read the wording correctly. I didn't get a second look because the next thing that grabbed my attention was the license plate, which read simply: "IMABONG".

The literature quickly zoomed north on 301 as I took the 50 east exit, more than a little perplexed. Jesus was into horses and the chronic? I know he was a carpenter who wore hemp. I called my brother and my best friend to see what they thought. Both, like myself, were a bit mystified. Perhaps this guy was a former hippie that had found Jesus. You know, "Doobies for the Divine", or "Joints for Jesus" or something along those lines. I re-read the license plate in my mind just to make sure I was interpreting the message correctly. It seemed pretty straight forward to me. I wasn't like some of the other personalized plates you see out there. You know the ones I mean. "SUX2BU" or "ZO86XWO". Ones that cause you to rear-end the idiot who you are following as you attempt to decipher the Incan text on his bumper that some inmate serving 6 to 10 in the pokey hammered out, undoubtedly wearing the same look you have on your face when you hand the police officer your insurance information.

License plate decoding has grown more frustrating over the years, especially in the Commonwealth of Virginia, where it costs extra to not have your license plate personalized. Simply known as the Pretentious Asshole Act of 1989, Virginia requires all drivers to come up with a saying that can be spelled out using any combination of up to 7 letters and/or numbers. The monogrammed twaddle knows no socioeconomic boundaries; you are just as likely to find a personalized plate on an '88 Geo Metro as you are of seeing one on a Mercedes 300SL. However, the man in the minivan was not, I repeat, not from Virginia. Hmmm... The mystery deepens.

I wonder if anyone has done a study that shows monogrammed licensed plates create dangerous driving conditions by increasing traffic congestion exponentially? Actually, I think just by typing the above line I conducted that very study and proved it to be true. Don't believe me? I attended George Mason University for two semesters in 1991-92. I knew 17 people in my immediate circle of friends that were a.) from Virginia and b.) had monogrammed license plates. Throw in the other 17,000 students at the mostly commuter school of 22,000 that had personalized plates and that makes it a clear majority. Traffic was horrendous back then. Now, traffic in Northern Virginia is beyond ghastly. Traffic is so bad that atheists are praying for mass transit.

Which brings me back to the supposed human hooka. Unless he was referring to himself as the sound made when one strikes a gong or was driving his daughter's van while she is home for the Holidays, oblivious to what the license plate suggested about his identity as a glass water pipe used for smoking various forms of licit and illicit drugs, I am at a loss. It keeps eating away at me, much like the drugs this guy is apparently doing. I have to be missing something, right? Jesus and bong on the same car, much less the same license plate, seems more than a bit strange. Was there a hidden meaning I'm missing altogether? Was it some special code that only followers of a certain cult can decode, therefore possessing the secret for eternal life by pulling tubes and going to the track? And, perhaps most important of all, does this guy know where I can get some good stuff?

I know this is America and all, the land of freedom and liberty. I realize that our rights are compromised regularly when we should be fighting to protect them, but perhaps in order to ensure a more perfect driving experience and establish safer highways, we should take away the right to put personalize license plates on our cars. Surely, one could understand that the suspension of the 1st Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America for personal safety on America's roadways is more important than religious freedom and freedom of speech. Plus, I won't have to live with the mystery of what the hell Mr. Bong's plate meant. Monogrammed plates are an evil that need to be dealt with; it is a problem that has been ignored for far to long. We need to act now before more Christians for the Chronic accuse our lord and Savior of being a stoner, or before atheists begin riding around with license plates that read "_________ ".

Godzilla, Hobbits and What Real Woman Want

Monday November 10th was a bitter sweet day for Cap Fans. The Caps won led 3-0 after the first, Ovie broke his 9 game goal less drought with a 3rd period tally and they manhandled the Lightning 4-2. The Caps did not give up a goal on the first shot of the game for once and Brent Johnson was stellar in net yet again. However, the bitter part was seeing Olie Kolzig dressed in the silver, black, blue, purple and mullet colors of Tampa Bay. This was not how we all envisioned Godzilla's tenure in DC ending, I am sure, wearing the uniform of a division rival. But that is indeed what has taken place and many of us at the game wrestled with conflicting emotions we have never felt before.

I was nervous before the game, as were many of the fans I saw Monday as my wife and I found our seats and waited for the puck to drop. I have seen athletes come and go over the years, but this was different. I have never seen the former face of a DC franchise play on the opposite side after meaning so much to the city, the organ-eye-zation, and the fans. Watching Kolzig in the away white was disturbing and sad. It was like seeing Darrel Green in a Giants or (gag) Cowboy uniform. The closest thing we have experienced around here that I can equate it to would be Mike Mussina playing for the Yankees. But Mussina left on his own to join a winner. Olie was pushed aside and he left because he was no longer wanted.

Godzilla was supposed to hoist the Cup here and then retire as a life-long Capital. He was the guy that asked not to be traded, who wanted to stay after the fire sale in 04. He signed a two year extention for less money to stay here during the rebuilding of 05-07. The same guy who bleed every colors the Caps have ever worn. Management didn't even have the heart to show Olie the doorafter last season, so they left him hanging and ultimately gave him no choice but to leave on his own. Someone with Olie's class and professionalism deserved more after being with the franchise since he was 18 years old. He holds virtually every goal tending record in Washington. This was how we repaid him?

Watching the Caps go up 3-0 was hard to watch. I mean, I loved that we didn't give up a goal on the first shot of the first period. I love when the young guys contribute. (Eric Fehr's one-timer was a thing of beauty.) But watching Olie fall behind was painful for a lot of us in the arena. I was upset watching him give up three first period goals and then I realized that the Caps were still winning. Huh? That couldn't right. Check the scoreboard again. Oh, right. He doesn't play for us anymore. What?

The crowd stood and cheered when management showed a video tribute to #37 and all he accomplished in Washington. He looked like he tried to ignore it for the first 20 seconds, but eventually looked up at the Jumbotron before waving his stick in the air when he skated back out to the goal. It was hard to make sense of it all; our long stalwart in the wrong net, taking orders from "The Mullet" instead of Gabby. I was emotional, as were many of us, but I did not cry. (Shocker! I bet 2-1 I would sob like a baby.) But after awhile, we fell into the normal routine. Olie became the other teams netminder for the rest of the game. He settled down and played well after the tribute, as if remembering how great he has played in this building and finding the old rhythm. Caps win! Olie loses. I don't know if I can get used to that or not.

There will come a day when I take my kids to the Verizon Center and teach them the game of hockey. Teach them the rules, the positions, the players names. I will instruct them when to cheer and when to clap, who Horn-Guy and Goat are and the words to "The Hockey Song". Eventually, they will ask me about the numbers hanging in the rafters and what they mean. It will be with great pride that after I tell them about Labre, Gartner, Hunter and Langway, I will explain that Olie Kolzig was the greatest goalie to ever play hockey in Washington. I will tell them that he was the Washington Capitals and no one else who ever has put on the uniform has garnered more respect, love and admiration than #37. I hope I can tell them that I was there, with tears in my eyes, the day they hung his number high above the ice.

Seen at Verizon Center

While walking the concourse looking for a concession stand that sells veggie burgers, we passed a woman with a sign that said:

"Real Women Love Semin!"

Classic...

Face off in the Shire

My brother and I act like we are perpetually 12 years old. We find many things to laugh at that most people do not. However, Drew and I have stumbled onto a subject many of you may find amusing. That would be short hockey players. There are few in the league under the normal six foot mark that are damn good. But there are some who are damn good that we can not stand. This hatred took on a life of its own that eventually bore fruit during Monday's Caps/Lightning game.

See, last year during the Caps/Flyers playoff series, Drew expressed his disdain for Daniel Briere of the Flyers. I concurred. We started to make fun of him until Drew called him, "Daniel Baggins", and a "hobbit" because of Briere's smaller stature. (He's generously listed at 5'10"). After watching the Caps beat Olie and the Bolts, I realized how much I hate Martin St. Louis. Then came the idea:

Introducing the All Hobbit Line!

The rules are they have to be under 5'10" and they have to be dicks.

Center: Daniel Briere (aka Daniel Baggins, 5'10" 179) - He plays for the Flyers, cries like a little baby and still hasn't gotten over a boarding call from Ovechkin back in Decmeber of 06. Briere fits right in up in "The City of Brotherly Shove", with all of the other Vince Paple wanna-bes. Talk about Napolean complex, I think the whole city has one because they aren't New York. Hey Baggins, go back to the Shire!

Right Wing: Martin St Louis (aka Bilbo St. Louis 5'9" 177) - He plays for Tampa, has never regained his form from the one good season he had when the Lightning won the Cup in 04. Bil-blow is prone to whining because he realizes he is overrated. How can a team with all this talent and "The Mullet" behind the bench be this bad?

Left Wing: Derek Roy (aka Frodo Roy 5'9" 188) - He plays for Lindey Ruff in Buffalo, which Drew says automatically makes him a dick. Like his coach, he likes to complain when things take a turn for the worse. He took Daniel Baggins place in Buffalo after Briere left the Shire. Frodo doesn't even pronounce his name the French-Canadian way, which makes him a poser.

Honorable Mention:
-Steve Sullivan 5'8" 165 - plays for Nashville. We seem to remember hearing he is a jerk but can not verify.
-Sergei Samsonov 5'8 188 - Supposed to be good, but he sucks. Don't know if whines. Apparently he has no emotions what so ever. No passion either. Good candidate for the "All Vulcan" Team
-Nigel Dawes 5'9 193 - His name is Nigel, for christsake! Do I need to say any more? Nigel just reeks of some pale, stuck up Brit whining about how they let us win the Revolution. Dawes isn't British, but his parents apparently didn't get the memo on that one.

If you have a nomination for The All Shire team, in any sport, do not hesiate to email me or leave your comment. We appreciate your participation!

Rain, Feathers and the Jovian System

Does it always rain on Election Day in November or is it just me? Every general election I can remember, except '92, seems like it was raining. I used to hope the rain symbolized the washing away of the previous administrations gaffs and bad blood to make way for a new administration full of hope and promise. Deep inside, there is the hope that the rain is the result of the collective dismay and angst of the soon to be loser (preferably Republican) that has manifested itself in an act of nature. Of course, the realist in me--that part of me that is slowly taking over the innocent, optimistic idealist I have been all my life and turning me into a Ryan Harbaughesque curmudgeon--thinks it always rains the first Tuesday in November. Sure, the colors of fall are beautiful, but the trade off is the cold and rain. If McCain wins today, even the bright foliage of mid autumn will not be able to brighten the millions of souls that are hoping for a change, and praying not for 4 more years of the same old, same old.

I wish I could say something to inspire and rouse the passions of the 60% of the country who are not voting today. I have to say, it really pisses me off that these so called Americans can take their freedom, their liberty and good fortune for granted like this every two to four years. There are over 6 billion human beings on Planet Earth. Less than half of them have the right to choose their future leaders. Less than half get to join together and force change, make the world a better place and oust ineffective leaders that squander resources for personal gain and prestige. I would say that to the 100 odd million of Americans that sit on there backsides and complain about the state of the world and do nothing about it, but I will not. I have said it before, as have so many others. My energies are more valuable in other places.

If Sarah Palin ends up as President of the United States, I will build my own rocket ship and move to Europa. There is water there, you know. And Ice. I can grow potatos and humongous eggplants and zucchini in my orbital greenhouse, distill my own vodka, mix my own martinis and watch the Earth explode from afar, while having sex in zero-g with my beautiful wife. I can not imagine a more tranquil place than the Jovian system. Sure, the radiation most likely would fry my insides, the multiple asteroids in orbit could pulverize my space station or aqua-hab and who knows what kind of other dangers could await in the outer solar system. But I think I will take my chances in high Juipter orbit rather than watch the look on President Palin's face when she realizes that there are other countries on Earth, other than Russia, that she can't see from her back porch.

Why all of the republicans I have talked to this election year keep there heads in the sand about the GOP ticket's ineptitude is beyond me. We are one more McCain melanoma away from the Book-Burning-Beauty-Queen's first State of the Union address. Why doesn't that scare the living-you-know-what out of more people? I will tell you why, because so many people in this country are sheep. They will believe whatever they are told. That's how the majority of the politicians in this great land of ours are elected. I now await with ever growing wonder for the official announcement that the Republicans have changed their party mascot from the elephant to the ostrich.

Skiing Down the Triple Black Diamond of Wall Street

An interesting thing happened back in the beginning of September, just a few short weeks ago. After years of hemming and hawing, I finally took the plunge and invested money in the stock market. I had been reticent for years to get in for fear of losing my ass. I don't know much of anything about the market. I never took a class, never found the Wall Street Journal interesting, didn't really take a liking to the movie "Wall Street", didn't raise Gordon Gecko up as a messiah of monetary proportions. I was more of a "spender" than a saver. I was content with a savings account and didn't feel the need to throw my hard earned cash into something that could fluctuate everyday. I have always been a "live for the moment" kind of person.

So in early September, with a new wife and a new house and my sales at work screeching to a sudden halt, I decided that this would be a good time to jump into the market. Stocks had been falling slowly for months, new interest rate cuts were supposed to help the economy grow. I knew getting into the market on a down swing would give me the best opportunity to get rich faster, or at least pad my non-existent retirement fund. Surely early September was a good time to put a little in and hope I bought the next Google or youtube.

You see, I was always a late bloomer. I am a Taurus, and by nature, I am stubborn, thoughtful and wait oh so long to pull the trigger on my ideas. I watched all my friends and co-workers over the past 15 years dump mega-bucks into mutual funds and IRAs and commodities. I did not do that. I had a mutual fund once. I put in about 5 grand over two years. I closed that account in 2005, paid the penalty and walked away. It took too much time, I thought. I would much rather put my money into a savings account. I was berated for being so short sighted. The Market! That's where the money is!

So, here I was, putting quite a bit less than $4000.00 into the market in early September because I had a "feeling". My gut and brain converged on a single point in time. I felt that now was the time. I invested in alternative energy stocks, mostly, with a few standards to keep me honest--Toyota, Apple, Chevron and Exxon(hey, people still buy gas, right? Nothing wrong with buying stocks you think might be around for a decade or four.) I thought I was ahead of the curve, especially when the market began to collapse and I lost approximately $25 the first week and was actually up $67 at the end of week two. I explained to everyone that would listen that I was invincible. I had stumbled into a surefire money maker by accident, or my pyschic intuition. I invested in mostly alternative energy companies that had just received massive tax breaks to pump money into their businesses and into the market as well. I was a fucking genius! Take that, you Harvard educated suits! I, John Murray, who never read an Economics textbook or took a marketing class, was making you look bad! All Hail Me!

So after the market closed just above 8000 points on Friday October 10, 2008, approximately one month after I got in and after I had lost about a third of what I had invested initially just a few short weeks ago, I am no longer talking about how smart I am. I am just praying that my initial investment isn't depleted when the market rebounds, which is shaping up to be right around the time the Anti-Christ comes to power. I am hoping that Toyota keeps making hybrids, solar energy and US Gold hit their stride and I make it start rolling in the dough. Yeah, and I am also waiting for monkeys to fly out of my ass.

My father has always been mentioned as someone who has had incredible luck. Buying land at the exact right time, getting the right deal on the right car at the right time, beating cancer not once, but twice to continue on in this crazy world, just to name a few. "Lucky Murray", they call him. If you know him, you have a "Lucky Murray" story or two, I'm sure. I thought I had a portion of that same luck in me these past few years. You know, meeting my wife, being around for my step-mom and father when he first got sick, falling into a good kb with great people (I almost went to work with Ameriprise...shudder!), writing that horrible manuscript I had always dreamed of writing back in November 2006, which just so happened to be National Novel Writing Month, unbeknown st to me. I have been trying to fit this market craziness into the "Lucky Murray" file and had trouble at first. How can losing more than a third of my investment--no matter how small--be considered lucky? How can my feeling that I should get into the market when I did be described as a nothing more than a terrible choice and extremely bad timing? "Lucky" is my dad. Me, not so much, right?

The glass is perpetually half full in my world, and as long as I can fight the urge to drink it, my mind never deviates from that outlook. I always try and find the silver lining, roll with the punches and stay positive. (Of course, being properly medicated always helps.) The following is ultimately what I have learned, what I will take away from the past four weeks of market mayhem (with the recognition that this whole thing ain't over yet):

1. I will never have learned as much about investing as I have in the past few weeks, while the experts run around frantically to try and right the ship and my egg gets splattered all over the US, Europe and Asia.

2. That a savings account, although small potatoes, is basically no risk and all reward.

3. That if the market rebounds before my investment reaches $0.00, I am in a great position to reap the benefits of a bear market.

4. At least I did not put everything I had into an investment system that is never a guarantee, a system that has seen unprecedented growth over the past 15 years, a system that was due for a major league correction,

5. That I, very probably, could have been left standing with nothing what so ever if had bet it all on green.

Changing Up the Line Combinations

Hello to all of my new readers from Facebook! After my wife and best friend bitched and whined at for not getting on Facebook, I finally opened an account and jumped feet first (holding my nose like a first grader, no less) into the 21st century. Now, Julia can not get me off my Facebook page fore I have become addicted. (I kept telling her and Ryan this would happen, but did anyone listen? Of course not.)

In honor of my foray into Facebook , I have decided to pull the trigger on revamping my blog and bring this space into the new century as well. It's been a long time coming, as many of you loyal readers already know. I love sports and wrote exclusively about that subject off and on over the past three years. But after I got married, started a new career and started remodeling our house--a never-ending undertaking, for those of you who have yet to make that mistake--I visited this space less and less. When I did venture onto the blogosphere, I was too distracted, overly critical or down right uninterested in saying anything worth sharing.

Although I will still touch on the issue of sports from time to time (when I feel like it, basically) I figure I would just write for your entertainment. That's right, for you, loyal reader! About topics and subject matter that I think is relevant, interesting and life altering. (Okay, I will still be writing about what I want. Its my blog. Sue me.) Don't be surprised to find some political issues touched on from time to time. After all, I like to think I have tried to make the world a better place over my 35 years and Lord knows Republicans out there need a good slap in the face. Why should I not be the one to build bridges?

So without further ado, here it goes. The grand unveiling of the new web page that I have spent...what time is it?...24 minutes overhauling. I hope you enjoy, and I thank you.

Sweet Spring No Matter What

Well, I have held off writing since the Caps went on their late season run to sneak into the playoffs. I started to write a piece on how sweet it was to finish first in the division...about how the grass was greener that next day. I never went back to it because i knew that the season wasn't over and i would keep those memories to myself and prepare for the playoffs. We Cap fans have waited for so long to have a team that showed as much heart as this years Capitals did. The whole town was grabbed and sucked into the hypnotic trance of playoff hockey, and we were rewarded!

Two over time games, one double overtime. The Caps battled back from a 3-1 deficit to force a game seven. Game seven goes into overtime and you knew it would take a lucky bounce to win it. We all prayed it would be the Caps to have that luck on their side.

But, if you are a life-long Cap fan like me, you just know that we don't get that luck. We never have, save for three times in the past 33 years. Like Dale Hunters OT goal to beat the Flyers in seven back in 88. Or John Druce turning into Brett Hull and carrying us to the conference finals in 90-91. And of course, the 98 season when we went all the way to the Cup Finals and got swept by the Red Wings. This year seemed like it held the promise of a good luck blessing, when the hockey gods would smile down upon us and grant us a hard fought win over the hated Flyers.

So, here we sit, perplexed because the NHL did not make sure that the Caps advanced so we could play the Penguins and set up the ratings blockbuster of Ovechkin vs. Crosby. We sit here perplexed that the penalty calls could be so drastically one sided and unfair at times, leaning heavily the way of the Flyers. We sit here dumbfounded and hurt, our spirits crushed, our hope that seemed so high and that we felt that it was going to be a new dawn here for hockey. That it was finally our time to rise up and be the up and coming team that team management and the experts thought we would be.

Hey, lets look at the bright side. Ovechkin, Green, Backstrom, Semin and the rest of the young guys never backed down and got a crash course in what playoff hockey means. Remember, Gretzky and Lemuiex didn't get past the first round the first tie they were in the playoffs. Next year, we get to see if this was all for real and see what this team, with head coach-stud Bruce Boudreau. Boudreau helped make this team believe in itself and they never looked back. I salivate at the possibilities in the future for this hockey team.

What I look forward to the most is watching Alex Ovechkin continue to get better and prove that he is the best player in the league, the world! People all over saw that this season to a degree, but everyone is still ga-ga over Sidney Crosby. At least we know the NHL isn't fixed or the Caps and Pens would be squaring off in the next few days instead of the Flyers and Pens. Ovechkin will have to stew over that all summer. He's one of those guys that if you piss him off, he makes you pay.

Ovie has to wait until October to take out his frustration. The frustration of not playing up to his standards, the frustration of not advancing past the first round. The frustration of feeling like he let his team mates and the fans down, which of course is ludicrous. He did nothing of the sort. In fact, he has given us a brief yet shining glimpse of the kind of future this town may have when it comes to hockey. I bet Ovechkin is up to the task. Perhaps next year he can put to rest any question about who is better. Hopefully next year everyone will stop gushing about the greatness of Sid the Kid and start recognizing Alex, the man.

George McPhee stars in "The Dealer"

Wow, what a day, right Cap fans? It's 9:55pm and the smoke has cleared on Trade Deadline Day and for the first time in over 5 years the Caps weren't selling, they were most definitely buying! Okay, in case you live in Alabama or something, here's what transpired today:

--The Caps acquired veteran Goalie Cristobal Huet from the Canadians for the second round pick in the 2009 they had acquired when they traded Brian Sutherby to the Ducks last fall.

--They traded Ted Ruth, a 19 year old D-man drafted in the second round in 07 (currently playing for Notre Dame) to Columbus for center Sergei Federov.

--They traded winger Matt Pettinger to Vancouver in return for winger Matt Cooke, a feisty "agitator" according to all of the experts I read and heard today.

--The Caps finished their day by trading career minor leaguer Joe Motzko to Atlanta for Alex Giroux.

This is where I planned on complaining about how George McPhee never makes a significant trade unless he is unloading players, like during the '04, 06' and 07' seasons. However, "The Undertaker" scored some serious points with not only myself but with the majority of the hockey world today by adding to a young, exciting and up-and-coming hockey club without subtracting much of anything. He still didn't pull off a blockbuster, but he didn't need to.

So what does this all mean? Huet becomes one of three goalies on the roster, a rarity in hockey. I fully expected to hear that Olie Kolzig or back-up Brent Johnson had been traded, but that is not the case. It is a weird and perhaps risky situation, but with less than stellar netminding in the last month or so, getting Huet not only gets a younger, virtual #1 goalie in the building, but might be the motivation required to get the other goalies to tighten up and show the young guys on the team that its time to go for the playoffs. Plus, Huet comes very cheap, for the afore-mentioned 2nd rounder, and is an unrestricted free agent after the season, as is Kolzig. Godzilla is 38 in April. The Caps have some young goalie studs in their system that need a few years to be ready and Huet might very well be the guy to bridge the gap until Simeon Varlamov or Michel Neuvirth (both 19 and playing in Europe) are ready for the big time.

As for Federov, 15 years ago it would have been unheard of that Federov would come here. But here he is, with his 1,133 career points and three Stanley Cup rings. The Caps were in desperate need of a play making center once they lost Michal Nylander early this year. They lacked depth and skill and even though Federov is 38, he still has upside and is a UFA after this year. The power play needs his help, and he would allow Viktor Kozlov to go back to the 1st line with Ovie and Backstrom, creating balance.

The Caps beat the Wild Tuesday night 4-1. Brooks Laich scored a career high 4 points, Eric Fehr had a goal and an assist and Tomas Fleichman had two assists. That line of Laich, Fehr and Flash dominated from the opening face off. Laich seems like he may be breaking thru from gritty forward with scoring touch to a true scoring center. He had already scored a career high in goals and points this year before Tuesday night. Fehr is rounding into shape and Flash...well, I say the jury is still out. He is inconsistent, mostly, but is showing "flashes" of being more than a guy always a step behind the play, ala Todd Krygier.

Now, the swapping of Matt's seems like a good trade to me and its my favorite out of all the trades in the whole league. The loss of Pettinger is a shame, I always like Petty, but he's a goal scorer. However he had only two goals this year and has played terribly. He is from Vancouver, so maybe the change of scenery will rejuvenate him. I keep hearing what a pest and what an "Agitator" Matt Cooke is and this is why I like this trade. Ever since Dale Hunter retired, the Caps haven't had that guy who gets under the skin of the other team, gets them off their game and makes them take dumb penalties since Hunts reired. Cooke apparently will fill the void, and I think in order to win, you need a guy like that.

The other trade was Joe Motzko for Alex Giroux. Giroux is a career AHLer that scores a ton. He played for the Caps farm system a few years ago and this deal was strictly for minor league depth.

All in all a pretty cool day. Thanks for following along, if anyone did. The Caps kept most of their draft picks, all of their core players, all of their prospects and have three capable goaltenders. After they whipped the Wild into submission following all of the trades and without any of the guys they traded for, it puts a little bounce in your step to think that the rebuilding is probably over and this season may end with the Caps in the playoffs. Imagine how good Ovie will be under that spotlight!

NHL Trade Deadline Extravaganza!

12:58pm... I had not planned on blogging until after the deadline, but since the Caps are already making noise and some other names we all know fairly well are involved in trades so far, I figure I will blog as long as I get new info and have the time.

The Caps traded their 2nd round pick from 2009 to Montreal for Cristobal Huet, a French Born number one goalie. Now they have three goalies, Huet, Olie Kolzig and Brent Johnson. That means someone is going elsewhere. Since Kolzig is a free agent at the end of the year and he is 37, unfortunately it probably means he is heading out of town. Kolzig didn't take part in the morning skate--which he usually does not when he is scheduled to start--but since Johnson is clearly the number two goalie on the team, it might make you wonder if something is up. Kolzig is three wins shy of 300.

The second round pick in 2009 came from Anaheim in the Brain Sutherby trade, so we basically traded a 4th line checking center for a number one goaltender. Not bad.

1:05pm ... Jeff Halpern was part of the Brad Richards trade. Richards and goalie Johan Holmquist go from Tampa to Dallas and Jussi Jokinen, goalie Mike Smith and Halpern go to The Bolts. I have to admit I laughed when I saw this, since Halpern went to Dallas because Ulf Dahlen is an assistant coach there, the two are good freinds and Halpern wanted to win. I bet he gets booed harshly when he makes his next appearance at Verizon Center.

1:19pm... ESPN.com is reporting that Sergei Federov might be headed to Washington. Huh?! Him and Ovechkin together would be a site to see, back when Federov was healthy and banging Anna Kournikova. That was like 12 years ago!

1:28pm... OK, washingtonpost.com and the Hockey News are confirming that Columbus traded Federov to the Caps for Defensemen Ted Ruth. Who the hell is that you ask? A 6'1", 19 year old American that we drafted in the second round last summer. I'm looking for more about him, but I don't remember hearing to much about him in the past. Federov is a UFA in the summer, so this doens't cost us any money. I will try and find out how good he is.

1:35pm... Tarik-El Bashir said in Capitals INsider on www.washingtonpost.com that not only did Kolzig not take part in the morning skate, but Brent Johnson had already left the building. Kolzig doesn't skate in practice on game days, but who is in goal if Johnson isn't there either? The plot thickens.

1:42pm... Ted Ruth was not rated one of the top ten prospects in the Caps Farm System, so reports "The Hockey News". So, we gave up nothing for a playmaking center in Federov to replace Michel Nylander. He can only help the power play. "The Hockey News" says that the addition of Huet basically guarantees us the Southeast Title. Huet played for Boudreau in the minors in the Kings organ-eye-zation, so there is a realtionship there. Interesting...

1:56pm... Scott Burnside of espn.com is reporting that the Caps also have added agitator Matt Cooke from Vancouver for Matt Pettinger. Haha! I told you Drew! I like Petty, but he was awful this year and we need someone to light a fire under us and pester the other team into bad penalties, ala Dale Hunter. I was thinking we might go for Michel Peca, but apparently Matt Cooke is the guy. Doesn't score more than 10 or 12 goals a year, 60 plus PIMs (had 111 PIMs in 2001) and since Clark is still hurt and Pettinger was a nonfactor all season, this looks like a good deal. Not too mention that Pettinger is from Vancouver. Maybe a change will help him out. Wow, I was already planning my "Fire McPhee because he nevers pulls the trigger unless its a firesale" blog, but I guess I have to blow that up and start over, eh?

3:02pm... It's after the deadline and we still have three goalies. Stay tuned for one of our guys to go; the paperwork is still probably going thru. Every year there are numerous trades that aren't announced until after the deadline expires. Paperwork and what not. Have Mike Chase explain it if you don't understand. I will be on later tonight to analyze all of today's movement, but I have three appointments now and have to run. Thanks for joining me and check back later.

The Curse Continues

See!? I told you all that I was a Jinx! The Fucking Giants won the Super Bowl?!?!?!?!?! You have got to be kidding me?! The Fucking Giants?! Yes, I said the "Fucking Giants". I know I supposedly retired the "F" word from this blog a few years ago, but after what I witnessed Sunday Night, I need to pull it out for today.

I can not believe that the Patriots played so poorly. I can not believe that the Giants defense played so well! I can't believe Eli Manning won a freaking Super Bowl! I can stand the fact that New York has another championship and now we all we have to listen to it for the next year. I can hear it now, those Yankee/Giant fans who will say that this was pay back to the New England region for the Yankees losing to the Red Sox in '04. I am so sick of Boston and New York right now because...well because I live in DC and right now, we got Alex Ovechkin and that's it!

Perhaps the worst thing about Eli and the Giants winning the Super Bowl is all the new conspiracy theories that are sure to grow legs and run roughshod over all of us. All year long I heard from some people who shall remain nameless (my sister Meg) that the NFL was at the head of a conspiracy to ensure the Patriots would go undefeated. It was said that was why Spygate was covered up. The league wanted the financial windfall that would certainly come from a team going undefeated and winning the Super Bowl. Having the Patriots play New York only ensured that even more people would be watching, boosting ratings and revenue to record levels.

Now, we know that was not the conspiracy at all. That was all a smoke screen for the real conspiracy, to get the other Manning a Super Bowl Ring. Oh they fooled us! We all were so focused on the Patriots and Brady's boot that we didn't see this coming! I'm sure this is only the beginning. Within the next year or so, we will see the all Manning Super Bowl. Imagine that! Two brothers, each with a championship, battling it out for favorite son! Now that's good drama! And to think my jinx has helped facilitate all of this chaos. I should be ashamed!

Oh, the Jinx of John Murray is worse than I thought. The Curse of Les Boulez has got nothing on me. I can't believe what has happened since my last post, other than the aforementioned Super Bowl. Here's a rundown:

-The Caps beat the Canadians last Thursday to revenge their 4-0 butt-whooping from last Tuesday. Ovie scored 4 goals, one the game winner in overtime. I thought my jinx was a bunch of hooey. Of course, I had to push my luck and I decided to go to the Caps/Thrashers game at Verizon Center Saturday night. Caps lost 2-0 after outshooting Atlanta 36 to 13! I sat behind the penalty box and still didn't get on TV. I am jinxed.

-The Wizards have not won a game since before my last post. The got walloped by the Lakers and Kobe Sunday. The score doesn't matter. The Lakers killed the 'Zards.
(And did you see that the Lakers traded Kwame "I want my Mommy" Brown for Paul Gasol last week? So the Lakers are going to be real real good again? Sounds like a curse to me.)

-The Redskins are still searching for a head coach, with Giants Defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo set to interview on Tuesday. So, let me get this straight: we might hire a division rival's coordinator, after they win the Super Bowl, to be our new head coach after Joe Gibbs retires? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, don't you think? Because it worked out so well for us the last time.

-Eric Bedard has yet to be traded from the Orioles to the Mariners. Reports say the Orioles are holding it up over rules on player physicals and that they are afraid of getting burned by trading for damaged goods. Also, the Orioles are mad at Adam Jones (the central figure in the deal for Bedard) for telling Venezuelan reporters that he was being traded to Baltimore. First of all, the O's are mad that a guy was excited about coming to Baltimore? So mad that they put the deal on hold and canceled his physical? They are gun shy about a trade because they want assurances that if a player fails his physical they will be able to void the deal? Isn't that what everyone does in baseball, sign off on a trade pending a physical? It just keeps getting weirder and weirder up there in Charm City, hun. The Frog Faced Barrister still wields more of a curse than I do when it comes to the Orioles, but I'm sure I am not helping.

Okay, so the Terps won. I don't have anything on that. Since I have never been to a Maryland basketball game, perhaps my jinx does not extend to them. But, I did not watch the game this weekend so perhaps that was their saving grace.

So what do we do now that my jinx has started to pick up speed and we all may be in grave danger. After losing sleep over this for the past few nights, I might have finally come up with a solution; perhaps this evil power I have acquired can be used for good.

If you have some serious money on a game, tell me who you want to lose and I will root them on! Say you hate the guy in the cubicle next to you because he never stops bragging about his team. No problem, call me and I will cheer for his team so they lose! Or maybe you hate a player on some team because he dissed your team/city/etc. No problem. One game with me being his fan and he's done for. Perhaps that is the only way to stave off Armageddon. You all have to agree that something must be done soon. If not, I fear that things will spiral out of control exponentially and before you know it, the Fucking Rangers will win the Stanley Cup.

Spoke Too Soon?

I finally started to get back into the swing of things last week and updated my blog, much to the disappointment of a dozen or so of you. After evaluating the piece I wrote and what has happened since then, I regret to inform you all that I do not know what I am talking about. Also, I am a jinx. Bad luck. I'm a cracked mirror in a locker room or a black cat crossing the path of an upstart team, cursing them with whatever dark power I posses; a power I cannot control. I should be shunned, silenced and given a dirt nap for the good of all sports teams and players I align my loyalties to.

Since I went on record last week stating how the Caps were up and comers, leaving behind their horrid start to climb back into contention in the Eastern Conference, they have lost two of three and have played less than stellar hockey, culminating in last nights drubbing at the hands of Le Habitant. (Apparently, that is french for "the Canadians". Whatever, eh?. Pull your tuke down tighter and take-off, you hoser.) The Caps not only lost 4-0, but they were out worked, out shot, out muscled and left out of breath. You could just see Coach Bruce Boudreau's head about to explode as each mistake piled up. I heard Coach Gabby was running the boys into the ice this afternoon, full scrimmage, full contact. After last nights egg laying, I can see why he feels the need to do so.

I guess I should call him and tell him that it was my fault. I said the Caps were no longer bad. As soon as I put it in print, they start a tail spin, precipitated by the continuing injury bug that has kept the team from putting its planned product on the ice since day 1. Once Gabby took over and they started to win, it didn't seem the injuries mattered much. But Shaone "I Got More Consonants in My Name than Martha Stewart has Hair on Her Chin" Morrisonn went down with a bruised foot and they haven't looked the same. Morrisonn got hurt after I wrote my last blog. See, I am dishing out all kinds of ill fate.

Need more proof that I am jinxed? Well, I watched the Maryland game and they lost to Duke. I am a Nats fan and Paul "Lo and Behold" Lo Duca tore his knee up at home. I kept saying all last year and this year that Joe Gibbs would win the Super Bowl next season, the last season of his contract, and just look at the disarray is Ashburn.

Want more? Okay, the Wizards. What happened to them the other night when I watched the game against the Milwaukee Bucks, a Bucks team sans Michael Redd? Lost. And the Wizards game against the Cavaliers last week, where the 'Zards (almost wrote "Tards" just now, haha!) were riding a 6 game winning streak.? They didn't just lose, they got shellacked! Or how about the fact that as soon as I started to check the Baltimore Sun to see what's up with Eric "I Hate Baltimore" Bedard getting traded, the deal hits a snag and is left bouncing around purgatory as we speak. (I recognize that I may have nothing to do with the Orioles bad luck since the "Curse of the Frog-Faced Barrister" trumps my bad luck to the 20th power.)

What does this all mean? That's right, you guessed it: Absolutely nothing!

I was just trying to be funny and witty... but, don't be surprised if the Patriots perfect season ends and the Freaking Giants win the Super Bowl. Actually, you might want to call your bookie now and place your bets.

Oh, and Tony Romo is gay.